is this EA and if so which one of us is the culprit

[HeavyRainAndShowers]

Him: has to be told to do things, both at home and at work (our own business). For example, has to be told repeatedly both cars needs servicing (I don't drive) and then I am the one who books the bloody service and although he doesn't say anything (no arguing but no thanks either) gives me the feeling the thinks I'm creating an inconvenience for him as he has to take the cars. And has to be told (again repeatedly) he needs to let the one of the managers know we won't have the artwork ready in time - he leaves it until an hour before he is expecting it, when I tell him again, he does it, but sighs as if again, it's a great inconvenience and says "please, I was going to do it in my own time!". My friend said "just let him screw up", but I can't because it's my business too and we need the car(s) for both work and home. I know these are just silly examples but I'm just scratching the surface really. It's so bloody frustrating - I came to terms with the fact that I have to tell him what to do all the time, I accept that these are his limitations, but at least I expect a bit of gratitude, is that too much? The worst bit is that most of the time he kicks off and accuses me of nagging him, "going on and on" and the most infuriating one, "starting an argument". Basically I got a choice between not bringing anything up and pretending all is rosy or tackle things that need doing and "starting an argument". Later, he knows he's in the wrong and tries to act like nothing happened, being all lovey dovey. I don't know if I'm explaining this properly, I'm too bloody fuming.
Me: I admit I am a bit control freak-ish but I can't stop thinking most if it it's because I'm living with him. I've been known to call him thick, stupid etc. when he can't understand the urgency/priority/importance of things. I know that's bad, awful in fact, but he drives me up the wall.
I'm trying not to drip feed but I don't even know where to start. I can feel the rage building.

Why did you go into business with him? Are you in a relationship too?

Yes sorry, I knew my post has been all over the shop. We've been together 8 years.

My post was all over the shop.
It's my brain that HAS BEEN all over the shop lately.

How long have you been in business together?

4 long (and good in the same time) years. Getting out is no option. I love him, he loves me. but we want to kill eachother atm

What does he actually do for the business? What is his contribution that makes him a worthwhile partner? Would it be possible to split the tasks so that some areas are his sole responsibility?

Clutching at straws. I am suspecting he is a deliberately useless fucker and you are carrying him.

And as an aside, would you learning to drive make your life any easier? Apologies if this is not a possibility?

I'm not seeing emotional abuse. I am seeing a massive incompatibility of personality and attitude which is creating friction. If this was a genuine business and, rather than this being a perspnal partner, it was a business partner, you'd either thrash out the various responsibilities in meetings and agree the action points or you'd dissolve the partnership.

I think you can only let him fail. I get that it's your business, but he obviously needs to fuck up before he gets his arse in gear. Go away for a week or two.

Alternatively, can you fire him? You wouldn't put up with that crap from an employee...

It does seem as if you knew that he was like this when you decided to go into business with him. Did you expect him to change or something

Do you have to be in the business together if it is not hood for your rs? Could you e.g. have one of you get a job and employ help for the business?
Might not be as obvious a solution as you both working together but if you are not pulling together and it is ruining your rs it might be worth it to help both business and rs.

Good not hood

None of this is abusive, it's just two people with different personalities who don't work well together in a business relationship.

Do you have to be in business together? Can one of you not get a "regular" job and the other employ someone to help run the business?

I love DP but we have very different working styles and working with him would drive me nuts, and I'm sure I'd drive him crazy too. That doesn't mean either of us is abusive, though it just means we work differently.

Why did you decide to set up a business with him, though? Surely you knew you had different working attitudes beforehand?

As it stands your working relationship will kill your personal relationship; and your personal relationship is making you accept poor work practice that you would not otherwise.

one trick is to put the car servicing in his calendar, and then leave it to him. You do have to step back a bit though...

God so you seem to have to mother and remind him all day at work. Do you have to do the same at home?

How do you have any respect for someone like this?

If you were not there the business would fail or he would have to pull his socks up. It is unprofessional not to give people as much notice as possible when things will not be ready on time.

Do you have any other children apart from this one? I would think long and hard before having any if you don't.

I think you need to separate you work life so you at least get a break from having to constantly mother this lazy sap.

Thanks for your answers. We worked together before (not for ourselves) and it was nowhere near this bad. I don't think he can handle the stress now. On the surface, we make an excellent team, he's got fantastic people skills and I pull the ropes from behind. None of us can do without the other.
The fact that not only he isn't thankful, but he actually has the front to get angry for being reminded to do something that otherwise he would have forgotten to do drives me fucking insane. The inability to make quick decisions, the lack of responsibility - aarrghhh!! This goes for work and home.
But on the other hand, I fear I made him like this by constantly putting him down, calling him stupid and checking everything he does.

The thing is, getting out WILL become an option, the ONLY option for you, eventually. Basically, this will kill your relationship.

That's what you need to sit down and tell him.

You love him, you want to stay together - but you can see what's eventually going to happen here unless this gets sorted out. So if he wants to split up - carry right on. Maybe not this year, not the next but someday, and for the rest of your life...

Tell him you can accept his approach here - which sounds very much just like being a lazy inconsiderate albatross round the neck of your business and home life, which most people would NOT accept - but what you absolutely WON'T accept is you picking up the pieces from that and him getting to treat your mopping up after him with disdain. That needs sorting, probably with counselling. Or you will eventually split.

It's easy to see why he does it, by the way - and it's worth pointing out to him. He knows he's disorganised, lazy, the 'beta' partner. And of course, he doesn't want to be that, really. He could change it by making more effort, but that's hard (very hard really, for a naturally lazy person) - so instead he uses his attitude and responses to create an alternative 'narrative' for the relationship/partnership where HE is actually mature, laid back, reasonable - and you are neurotic, nagging, unneccessary. Which makes him feel much better about his shortcomings. It's quite a common thing. And it's eventually impossible to live with, as not only do you have the laziness/crapness etc., you also lose ALL respect for this person as you also end up despising the manipulative, shitty way they shaft you to try and disguise their faults, whilst being happy to lean on you to make sure they don't stuff up. Him doing this to you as business partner, as well as spouse, is doubly shitty and will destroy any regard you have for him doubly quick, I'd say.

Tell him this and tell him the writing's going to start appearing on the wall soon. Because even if you don't feel like that now, you will - and by the time you do, it'll be too late to save your relationship.

You lost me at you tell him to do things rather than ask.

Great post castlemilk

Castlemilk I'm considering learning that by heart and sitting him down tonight

Calling him stupid is indeed awful, and indicates that you have no respect for him whatsoever.

So what you are saying is that you can't work together but you have to work together? Even more

It sounds like it would be much better for your relationship if you didn't work together.

You sound really controlling and like a complete nag. He sounds fed up.

I think most posters have grasped the situation OP even if Hoofer hasn't.