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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is this EA and if so which one of us is the culprit

27 replies

HeavyRainAndShowers · 28/09/2014 10:10

Him: has to be told to do things, both at home and at work (our own business). For example, has to be told repeatedly both cars needs servicing (I don't drive) and then I am the one who books the bloody service and although he doesn't say anything (no arguing but no thanks either) gives me the feeling the thinks I'm creating an inconvenience for him as he has to take the cars. And has to be told (again repeatedly) he needs to let the one of the managers know we won't have the artwork ready in time - he leaves it until an hour before he is expecting it, when I tell him again, he does it, but sighs as if again, it's a great inconvenience and says "please, I was going to do it in my own time!". My friend said "just let him screw up", but I can't because it's my business too and we need the car(s) for both work and home. I know these are just silly examples but I'm just scratching the surface really. It's so bloody frustrating - I came to terms with the fact that I have to tell him what to do all the time, I accept that these are his limitations, but at least I expect a bit of gratitude, is that too much? The worst bit is that most of the time he kicks off and accuses me of nagging him, "going on and on" and the most infuriating one, "starting an argument". Basically I got a choice between not bringing anything up and pretending all is rosy or tackle things that need doing and "starting an argument". Later, he knows he's in the wrong and tries to act like nothing happened, being all lovey dovey. I don't know if I'm explaining this properly, I'm too bloody fuming.
Me: I admit I am a bit control freak-ish but I can't stop thinking most if it it's because I'm living with him. I've been known to call him thick, stupid etc. when he can't understand the urgency/priority/importance of things. I know that's bad, awful in fact, but he drives me up the wall.
I'm trying not to drip feed but I don't even know where to start. I can feel the rage building.

OP posts:
Annarose2014 · 28/09/2014 12:32

Tbh, calling someone thick and stupid is not on. At all.

And I hate to be "that poster" but I suspect that if you were saying that he was calling you thick and stupid for forgetting to do things we'd all be horrified.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 28/09/2014 12:59

He sounds like a very entitled male who expects to be babied along. The word nagging is hardly ever used against men, only women. Point out how he needs to change if the relationship is to survive.

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