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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

over reaction?

34 replies

ClockworkAngel · 28/09/2014 05:34

Hiya. I am a lurker on this board, never really post except for once about my new boyfriend. Well it has all turned to shit big time.
Cutting a long story short; we have been out for a drink at the local. I end up in the loos talking to an old friend I haven't seen in a while. He comes into the lady's toilets twice checking for me. He seemed annoyed the first time, angry the second.
I come out, go out with him whilst he has a smoke and he goes on about me annoying him for takig a while in the loos because doesn't know if I am cheating on him or not. BIG red flag I know, I have been in 2 abusive relationships prior to him.
We come home, have sex then talk and that's when it becomes sinister. I can't describe his behaviour. He was just odd and slightly aggressive. I told him I needed to take my contact lenses out. He then put his hand over my nose and mouth and said 'how do you like this?' I said no I don't, asked why are you doing this. I said again about removing the lenses and hr did the samr again. 'How about this?' He said. I said no it scares me.
Then he said he loved me and asked if I watched Emmerdale Confused i said no. He said 'well someone's just killed Declan and I dreamt I killed you the other night'. I asked 'why are you saying this? You are frightening me' he just said it again and ignored me. After a few minutes he was asleep. I got up and rang the police, non-emergency. They 20 minutes since removed him from my home. He has since rang saying he does not remember a thing.
I'm utterly confused. I am scared. I feel absolutely stupid for ringing the police. Was this the right thing to do?
I don't even know the aim of this post. I just feel bewildered by it all I need to see if I was right or just over-reacting?
I am sorry for the bad grammar and length of the post. I am sorry if I am being ridiculous. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
ArsenicFaceCream · 28/09/2014 05:38

You were right. He sounds deranged. He is lying when he claims not to remember. You're not thinking of taking him back are you?

however · 28/09/2014 05:41

Never see him again.

RudyMentary · 28/09/2014 05:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeysucklejasmine · 28/09/2014 05:48

You've been so sensible and strong to call the police right away, well done! Smile As pp said, remember why you did other and tell him to take a hike.

wallaby73 · 28/09/2014 05:49

No over reaction, you felt unsafe in your own home, his behaviour was utterly disturbing and frightening, there is not a single person who would find any of that behaviour "ok", you should be so proud of yourself that you listened and trusted yourself to call the police, how many of us don't; seriously, i don't know you but i am impressed - very, and i can only hope my now 13 yr old dd would do exactley the same. Drop the self doubt - BLOODY WELL DONE, and do not get in dialogue with him. "I don't remember", fuck that, it's irrelevant, he still did what he did. Xx

ClockworkAngel · 28/09/2014 05:54

Thankyou all it's such a relief to read these^^
No I will definitely not take him back, I have a little girl too I cannot risk it for her. I fell for him but I can't forgive him for this he scared me witless.

OP posts:
ArsenicFaceCream · 28/09/2014 05:56

Don't doubt yourself. You dealt with it perfectly Smile

sooperdooper · 28/09/2014 05:59

Well done for making that call, you did the right thing and no one should make you scared in your own home

You're right to never see him again, he's lying saying he doesn't remember

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 28/09/2014 06:11

Definitely not an overreaction.

Please stay strong and do not see him ever again. He sounds dangerous.

Deftones · 28/09/2014 06:15

You did the right thing. No over reaction, you reacted perfectly. I'm happy that you followed your instinct and got help.

Well done OP, great news. Now to heal and move forward for you and your girl Thanks

iloverunning36 · 28/09/2014 06:24

Well done, very strong thing to do. He'll want you to feel weak and confused so that he can worm his way back in. I think in saying he cannot remember it he is lying and trying to not take responsibility for his actions. Stay strong. Very very well done - awesome.

MrBuscuits · 28/09/2014 06:25

He had to be removed from the house. Sounds like bipolar disorder. I had a relative who had this, one minute he was fine, the next, flying off the handle over one minor thing. Once, I brought the wrong colour loo roll home from Tesco and he hit the roof. This was a guy Btw, I have never known any man be particular about toilet paper. He hated it if when we were driving, if anyone he perceived cut us up, he would be the one to lose it and get out of the car from the passengers side and try and pick fights with other drivers, where I would just assume bad driving came with the territory (South Londoners drive like the Spanish). Once he tried to pick a fight with a bus driver, tried to board the bus and tell him what he thought of their driving. This was in traffic in the West End, nowhere else to go, and afterwards he would just talk like everything is fine and be laughing and such. WTAF? I packed and left. He could switch from being happy to blind rage at any time. I would have been safer building a house on Bardarbunga Volcano.

No one in their right mind jokes about murdering someone, or tries to re-enact such things like this Emmerdale storyline. While he's gone, pack up his stuff and make sure there's no excuse for him to return. Change the locks. If it is his place, then get out, pack and never return. No contact. Go make yourself a Brew and try to forget this nutter. Anyone IRL you can contact? Let us know how things progress, OP.

ArsenicFaceCream · 28/09/2014 06:30

South Londoners drive like the Spanish

Grin

So true

ArsenicFaceCream · 28/09/2014 06:32

No one in their right mind jokes about murdering someone, or tries to re-enact such things like this Emmerdale storyline. While he's gone, pack up his stuff and make sure there's no excuse for him to return. Change the locks. If it is his place, then get out, pack and never return. No contact.

YY. Good advice.

LoveBeingAwakeInTheNight · 28/09/2014 06:36

Well done you, please do not have any further contact with him

Frogisatwat · 28/09/2014 07:31

Are you ok? Will he go quietly. ? Have you taken steps to stay safe such as a marker on your telephone number? Womens aid arranged mine.

niceupthedance · 28/09/2014 08:00

I think you need to make a plan in case he tries to come back. He sounds extremely dangerous.

musicalendorphins2 · 28/09/2014 08:19

He sounds like a danger, be on alert for his presence.

FunkyBoldRibena · 28/09/2014 08:22

What's the house situation? Yours, his? Mortgage, rented?

ClockworkAngel · 28/09/2014 08:23

Can't say how grateful I am for everyone's responses and support, it means a lot.
MrBuscuits that story reminded me of the time when he said he would not be safe to drive because he would rage at the smallest thing.
Frogisatwat, I apparantely had a marker on my number yet it took the police over an hour to come round and turf him out. I'm not sure how he will leave it. He left a few things here I am sure he would want back. I'm unsure how to deal with this?
In terms of real life support I don't know what to do. I told my friend but she lives in London and I'm in the North. My family didn't even know I had a boyfriend so I'm worried about telling them.
He hasn't got any keys for the house but it's still a bit unnerving knowing he knows exactly where I am. I have a feeling he will probably just leave me alone. He has text a few times saying he is sorry but I know this is probably just a ploy to make me feel bad and change my mind about everything but I won't let him.

OP posts:
ClockworkAngel · 28/09/2014 08:25

The house is mine and it is rented.

OP posts:
Fabulassie · 28/09/2014 08:46

Put his things in bin bags and, if you can't leave them with someone else, have them by the door. When he comes for them, have them outside the door and don't open the door.

Never have anything to do with this man again.

ClockworkAngel · 28/09/2014 08:52

I won't let him back, no chance.
I keep remembering little things he has said to me, so creepy. Especially last night it was as if he had had a personality swap.
Bloody nutter he is.

OP posts:
kaykayblue · 28/09/2014 10:12

god he sounds terrifying.

Run a mile!!

Fairenuff · 28/09/2014 11:15

Is there anyone who would drop his things round to him for you?

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