Update - 4 years after the reluctant-trouser-wearing thread...

[TrousersSchmowsers]

Don't know if anyone at all remembers this saga, the original thread ishere and I can't tell you how much it helps my resolve to have this dated record of how very long I have been miserable in my marriage for (and 2010 was just when the years of smouldering embers finally sparked... I can date it to about 2004 if I'm honest... a whole decade... yikes.)

It has been a long and tortuous process, but we are now living together as separated and the plan is that DH will be moving out after half term, when we will be telling the kids to give them a bit of non-school time to process. Trying to keep things amicable, but the amount of ineptitude and shoulder-shrugging is so wearing. Not much longer, I keep telling myself, not much longer...

Doing all right just now, but expect I will need to return here for a sanity check and a bit of support over the weeks to come.

You've done amazingly and it's encouraging to read your update.

What would you say is the biggest challenge of going it alone? Is it practical stuff or emotional?

I wish I could do what you've done tomorrow. In reality, I've low earning potential and I'm depressed so it won't be any time soon. (Bit of a vicious cycle.)

It's great that your DC are adjusting to the new circumstances. It must feel great to be able to spend some of that energy you're no longer wasting dealing with your ex on your DC instead - I hope you've plenty left for yourself too

Hi trousers!

Well done on getting away. I posted much earlier in the thread and it's good to hear how things are going for you.

I also managed to get h to move out 4 months ago. Even living as a lodger, losing his home, kids and marriage hasn't changed a thing. He's so desperate to be a victim (in his eyes) that I honestly think that he'd rather this than have a wife who loves him and a family.
I can't help him and have stopped trying
Sadly the only way to do that with him is to virtually stop communicating. Otherwise it's the same old shit where he wants to be led on EVERY tiny little thing. Even if he should wake our toddler up from her nap

To answer bug I have found that getting away from him instantly meant I had more energy. That helps with the practicalities. It's the realisation that everything you've tried so hard for is never going to happen. That's the hardest thing.

I'm planning a new business now whereas 4 months ago I was going to bed with the kids.
Having the confidence to take the kids camping with no car by myself.
The house is finally getting fixed up.
Life is very definitely on the up!

But it doesn't stop your heart being broken.