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Original poster

Why has it taken me until I'm almost 30 to have great sex?!

32 replies

StopHurtingMummyArghhhhh · 26/09/2014 19:57

I'm a NC for embarrassment reasons Blush.

I'm almost 30. I've been in 2 long term relationships and had plenty of sex with other men in between.

So why the actual fuck have I only just found out sex is great?!

I've gone through my teens and 20's and never really enjoyed sex. It was nice, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the intimacy and seeing the other person enjoy it.

I got stuck in a rut in both my long term relationships - I'd go months without sex, because the less I had, the less I wanted. And it wasn't something I found more enjoyable than other things in life. It was just something I did.

A couple of weeks ago, we got a little more adventurous, and tried some sex toys etc. I found out I enjoyed things I NEVER thought I would such as anal sex.

I'm blown away with some of the things I have enjoyed. I've had my first orgasms with the help of lube, clitoral stimulation and the ears from my new rabbit vibrator Grin. I have NEVER orgasmed before. Ever. In fact, I posted on MN a couple of years ago about never having orgasmed and feeling like there was something wrong with me and DP found my post :(.

I'm so angry with myself for missing out for so long. And feel upset for my partners (current and ex) that I haven't felt fulfilled, and that I've not been as interested sexually as they would have liked. I mean going months without isn't great is it?

Not sure what the point of this post is, other than to berate myself and you can agree what a knob for not figuring all this out a decade ago.

Anyone else in the same boat, and only figured it out later in their life?!

OP posts:
murasaki · 26/09/2014 20:03

Me...

I can only assume that a) my body changed and b) my ex husband was not good in bed. It's been a revelation. I'm a bit sad that I might have had a better time in my twenties, but it's all good now. Just enjoy it.

WestEast · 26/09/2014 20:07

Well now you've figured out sex can be awesome you beat start having as much of it as you fancy!

ouchfuckLegohurts · 26/09/2014 20:09

Woo hooo! Enjoy it...imagine if you'd never found out!

AnyFucker · 26/09/2014 20:10

Why are you berating yourself ? Maybe your partners were as much to blame as you were ?

Better late than ever Smile

happyandsingle · 26/09/2014 20:10

Met someone early this year and he gave me the best sex I ever had. He was a generous lover and put my satisfaction before his. He was very skilled in the bedroom department.
Sadly we have broken up but I really really miss the sex.prob take years to find someone like him again lol

GloriousGloria · 26/09/2014 20:12

Women reach their sexual peak at 30 and men at 19 (apparently)

I think that explains a lot of women's sex lives Grin

Edtfdess · 26/09/2014 20:58

I'm 34 and still waiting!

Exh shit in bed and dh shit in bed which of course doesn't help. Have now tried everything and have given up hope!

GaryShitpeas · 26/09/2014 21:02

I find it sad that women actually put up with shit sex Sad

WorkingGirlJem · 26/09/2014 21:02

Good for you OP!
I was in my 40's before I discovered great sex, and I too feel I have wasted such a lot of time.

Look forwards now though not backwards.

Dowser · 26/09/2014 21:58

56 here! Not sure about anal.

No, definitely no anal.

desperatehousewife21 · 26/09/2014 22:03

would you break up with someone over shit sex?

I guess it doesn't take long to find out how good they are.
not sure I could marry someone that bad in bed.

GaryShitpeas · 26/09/2014 22:05

Yeah I would desperate

And I have

GaryShitpeas · 26/09/2014 22:05

And IMO no one is "shit" in bed, it's selfishness and unwillingness to learn

GimmeMySquash · 26/09/2014 22:06

That is great you finally got to orgasm OP.

HerdyHerdwick · 26/09/2014 22:18

So you've had your training years, now you have many years ahead of you to really enjoy it!
Many women seem to find that sex does get better from 35 onwards, never mind hitting our peak at 30.

singaporefling · 26/09/2014 22:30

I too thought sex was 'ok' , enjoyed the build-up/intimacy but had wondered what all the fuss was reeeeeally about... I even thought I was 'hard work' difficult to please/too slow to reach orgasm and that foreplay was ALWAYS for around TWO minutes etc etc UNTIL I met DP almost a decade ago - he was/is mind-blowing/incredible - he's THE most selfless/patient (yes skilled and experienced) kindest lover ever and I went from feeling like an almost 'frigid' (whatever such a mysoginistic term even means!!) frumpy woman to a Goddess!! Just because one person (out of several Blush) took the time to get to know me AND knew what they were doing - I've never been the same since !

Original poster
StopHurtingMummyArghhhhh · 26/09/2014 22:35

I've been with DP for 5 years, and it's taken til now. I can't even blame him really, I've just been reluctant due to past experiences I gues Confused.

I've got a good feeling about my 30's Grin.

Dowser I always said that (tried it in the past). But it's actually a really good feeling - different, but good. Can't explain it. I never thought I'd say that!

OP posts:
NewEraNewMindset · 26/09/2014 22:43

My DP has a low sex drive so sex is ok but not brilliant as he just isn't passionate like someone who REALLY wants sex and is insatiable.

My ex on the other hand was an excellent lover but a bit of a dickhead outside the bedroom. Was very disappointing.

WineWineWine · 26/09/2014 22:51

I've always enjoyed sex but it has got better as I've got older.
I don't think either partner is to blame for bad sex, unless they are intentionally being selfish (in which case, why would you be with them). Too many men and women simply don't know enough about their bodies and are too afraid to experiment. There is still too much judgement from other people, making it difficult to get help and advice. I've seen a number of threads on here get quite nasty when someone has dared mention their enjoyment of anal sex!

heyday · 26/09/2014 23:03

Not sure why anyone should get angry at the mention of anal sex, providing it is consensual then I don't see what it's got to do with anyone else.
It does, however, seem to quite often make people, both men and women, slightly repulsed and, shall I say, disgusted, (and they are entitled to their opinion) but I have never personally seen any one be nasty over another persons enjoyment of it.
Definitely think sex got masses better once in thirties. Think that women, quite often feel much better about themselves, physically and perhaps emotionally once in thirties. and I presume that this is could be a big contributory factor.

Joysmum · 26/09/2014 23:06

I think a lot of great sex is because the women knows her own body well enough to know what she likes.

If you know what you like, you can educate your partner, if you don't then you can't.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/09/2014 23:20

I think that sometimes your sex life gets better with age. I'm 38 and my sex life is better than it's ever been.

FrankSpencer · 26/09/2014 23:26

Ahhh good for you OP! Enjoy it Smile

OfCourse · 27/09/2014 08:07

having a ball here and making up for lost time and it didn't get going until I was in my 40's!

ForalltheSaints · 27/09/2014 08:35

A male perspective on this, hope no-one minds.

Much better sex over the age of 30 for both, for me when meeting a woman around the same age.