Single mums .......... what do you do when your children go to ex at weekends?

[Joywillcome]

Hi

I am just getting use to my children spending weekends with their father (and potentially his girlfriend).

What oh What do you fill your time with ............. last weekend I just mopped about, and refuse to do that this weekend.

What do you do?

Washing, cleaning, go to aldi, drink loads of wine, listen to music, watch films in peace and generally enjoy myself :)

The message above has it spot on. My dd will soon be staying nights at her dads and I am sort of looking forward to it. One day you will start dating again and those nights off will help you with that.

Oh I was a mess for the first few weekends without the dcs. Completely lost

Right now I'm lounging on dp's sofa with a glass of wine, looking out at the city view from his top floor child unfriendly apartment windows. Tomorrow I'm going running, meeting a friend for coffee, looking round the shops and then we're out for dinner in the evening.
I'm also planning a long bath with a good book.

We have friends with children and many without, and kind of alternate seeing them. It works really well and we've had some lovely holidays too.

I could never have imagined this a few years back, but weekends are great both with and without the dcs these days.

If it's all new and maybe not too many people to spend time with yet join a gym and go to the cinema.

No longer a SP, but I used to clean the house and enjoy how it stayed that way while I drank wine, went to the cinema, had friends round or went out for dinner alone.

Good days.

I'm so so jealous. Not had a weekend to myself for bloody years. Ex met someone else now DS is surplus to requirement. No more free time. I used to be a wreck, then loved it, then back to not having a single night to myself. Find something fun to do. Relax. Have lovely pamper time. Go to the cinema. It's hard to begin with but gets better.

When I was a single mum (now remarried) I got myself a job working in a bar and used the times ex would have them to work... I made a lot of friends there and had a bit of a wild old time really. Like a second teenage years (and I had a very sensible full time job during the day too!) I'd sometimes gets about 2 hours sleep and then wake up and go back to work. .. but I loved it. I felt like "me" again.

Yes ........ last weekend was awful (my dc spent the weekend with ex and potential new GF).

I hate it ...... but know they need a healthy relationship with their father, but I am lost. Most my friends spend 'family time'. I really need a hobby (my youngest is 3 - so I would have said that 'sleep' is the only hobby I have.)

I cant even imagine having a partner again - despite ex moving on at an astonishing rate.

Yes dione it will be lovely to have a tidy house for a couple of days - bit sad just cleaning tho .......................... I really hope it all gets easier, cant keep putting myself through this.

I have half a weekend, every weekend.

I always have a plan, usually involving housework, gym, shopping, hairdresser, any appointments that are easier to do without DC in tow, etc etc. I try and do something sociable (with friends or a date) about once every 2-3 weeks. Find it hard to fit more in than that!

Very, very occasionally, I have a lie in, then surround myself with books, papers, magazines, tablet and lots of nice picnic food and lounge on my bed for the whole day

That's the thing ............. I've been a mum for 10 years - I don't even remember what I liked to do before I had kids!

Bigo that is awful, I am so sorry the twat abandoned your DS like that - seriously, their are far more assholes out there than decent men (not sure I have met one yet?).

Guess I can go to the cinema (but I did that the other weekend and I was the only single - made me feel a bit lonely)

Surely you can try and remember what you used to enjoy before you had children? (I know I can ).

Have you no other single friends, or even 'couple' friends who would like to do their own thing, I am married with a child but I love meeting up with single friends and going out for the day or away for a night.

You could do voluntary work, go to the gym, shopping, cinema, walking, museums, decorate, spring clean, read books, have a lie in ............. loads of things.

Of course if the issue is that you are unhappy because the children aren't with you then that is totally different to trying to find something to do with all that lovely free time.

Hi Joy!

I recently saw an advert in my local recreation center for a Karate class that was on a saturday. I am serious contemplating that. It's a two-in-one really, kill some time on the weekend and pretend ex's face is being smashed with my karate-chops! Hai-yah!

Oh I love the rare occasions he has my DC!

I lie in, go out, eat my choice of food, go shopping, go swimming, meet friends, read books, walk the dog. The time flies and I rarely get to do all that I want to.

In he beginning I planned to join the ramblers, cycle lots and I felt lost. It didn't take long to start revelling in that free time.

The first few weekends - or rather days (we do split weekends and he has our two DDs one night in the week) I did a lot of sleeping and decorating, also shopping, Costa with a newspaper, out on my bike. It felt horrible and weird... missed the kids and didn't really know what to do with myself. Just not used to having any time to myself after 10 years of kids and work and doing everything at home too.

Two years on, I'm in a lovely relationship and really make the most of my child-free time. It does take time though ... lots of time... to get used to it.

Thanks ...................... I think it's still hard because I miss him (wrongly) and miss all the family things we did for the last 9 years. Hate the thought of other women with him and my children and that I feel a complete waste of space.

Did you ever think it would be possible to end up happy with someone new, or happy by yourself - doesn't feel like I will get the fairytale ending and he has his cake and eating it.

Most find something to do tomorrow - otherwise I am worried I will lose the plot. Sigh.

I'm not a parent but I am excellent at filling time/being busy. Unfortunately weekends mean working for me so I shall challenge my dream weekends for you!

Join a class (sports or other hobby). Find a pub quiz go attend with some friend(s). Find something voluntary you could help with some weekends (maybe not all weekends as it's nice to have "me" time now and again). Reading. A bit of yoga at home (you can find loads of good videos online). Cooking or baking if you're into that. Sleeping. Other bedroom activities. Crafts/something arty. Spend a bit of time each week decorating or gardening (a chore for me but some people enjoy it). Customise clothes. Long walks (esp. If you have a dog- they will love their new weekends). Take the (potentially imaginary) dog to training/agility classes. Visit new places the kids would find dull.

Things may be harder during winter when everything is a little less attractive outside but there's plenty to do inside your own home.

I hope you learn to embrace /enjoy it soon.

I don't know how long it's been for you but I felt just like this when my H left two years ago. He'd been having an affair with a married woman from work... I had no idea. Tbh when he finally left it was a relief but I felt so lonely and sort of ashamed. Where I live is a large village just full of 'happy families' and not a great place to be single. Funnily enough his 'love interest' didn't seem as keen as him to leave her family situation... so he's still living alone and I'm seeing a lovely bloke who makes me feel properly loved. But it will never be the same as our 'old family' and that's what I mourn, the shared experience of our children, holidays, the house we bought together. But I am so much happier now, more than I ever would have believed possible. Just try to get through the days, they'll become weeks and before long you'll be enjoying your free time and loving it all the more when your kids come home again. I spent many weekends decorating the house to my taste and it was such a satisfaction to cover the blank walls with colour!

Thanks ...................... they will be gone in an hour. Just hope I can keep it together with some positive thinking.

I need a hobby. (and a life!)

You should have a look at meetups.com

They have loads of social activities and groups to join, from hill walking to wine tastings, it's a great way to widen your social circle

I do enjoy my child free weekends

Sometimes I'll wander round the shops, have coffee and cake somewhere with a magazine, catch up with a friend. Last year I did some decorating whilst they were away too.

Now I have a lovely new boyf and my spare time is spent having fun with him.

You will get there OP, the early days are hard but you'll learn to love this adult time you get. Lots of my married friends are envious of my weekends off

Heelllllooooo ............... self respect and dignity!!

Pat on the back please - I managed to wave goodbye to the children with a smile on my face - and was pleasant to my ex (when I really just wanted to punch him in the face!).

Maybe killing him with kindness and indifference will hurt him more (heehee).

Now what to do?? Cant exercise sadly (dodgy back and mastectomy scars!)

checked friends - they're all busy, and to be honest I cant really cope with there cheery familys at the mo.

Maybe trip to garden centre (do you think there will be any single men there?)

Mozz - where did you find your 'lovely new BoyF

Well, all the laundry, washing up, tidying and shopping still needs doing. But I always buy wine and a nice meal for in front of the tv. And have long undisturbed baths with the door open and crappy 80s music on.

I have been seeing someone for the last 15 months so spend time with him these days. But all that ^^ still needs doing!

I love garden centres! I have no idea why- I hate gardening. I'm not sure they would be much of a hang out for single men, though.

Well done on your composure at hand over! Enjoy your day