Single mums .......... what do you do when your children go to ex at weekends?

[Joywillcome]

Hi

I am just getting use to my children spending weekends with their father (and potentially his girlfriend).

What oh What do you fill your time with ............. last weekend I just mopped about, and refuse to do that this weekend.

What do you do?

Each weekend is different for me. Some weekends i am really busy- i see friends, have a night out, go to the movies, see my mum, bit of shopping, catch up on housework/laundry, study. Other weekends i stay in my jammies and eat crap while watching dawson's creek. just do what you feel like doing. Start a new book, go for long walks, meet friends, meet new men , start a project. Claim this time as entirely your own, jut for you and please yourself. You dont always have to be busy. Just chilling sometimes is fine.

I don't allow myself to do any housework or house jobs when kids with ex, because I know I could always find more housework to do iyswim? It's not catching up because as soon as DC get back itll be a mess again! I spend the Saturday in the city. I wander round museums, shops, meet a friend for lunch or have a nice lunch on my own in a cafe I can sit in for ages with a good book. Some weekends I have friends over and we drink lots of wine and have a girls night. Some sat nights we go out. Some sat nights I get home with a nice ready meal, bottle of wine and watch some films til v late. I lay in on a Sunday and always have a tub of Ben and Jerry's as my child free treat for breakfast on a Sunday morning!

The last few Sundays I've done decorating - paint a room, or stencil a room etc. quick whizz round with a bit bag before DC back. Lovely.

Well my ex has the kids this weekend and I'm currently sat on the sofa in my dressing gown watching Sex and the City and eating nutella on toast I recommend it!

Whatever I damn well please!

I wish my XH would have them.
Not that I want rid of my DC's in the slightest but XH shows zero interest now he has two more plus OW 's other kids to look after.

I like to have had a little drink with a friend on Friday evening then guilty pleasure a complete come dine with me on sofa on Saturday with food my DS doesn't like. At first I felt I must do something amazing every time I was child free but now I just do what I do. Occasionally do something cultural with a friend but right now am just lying in bed cuz I'm knackered. Breaking Bad if you haven't seen it yet now that winters soon to set in.

quick whizz round with a bit bag before DC back. Lovely

Shadows whats a bit bag?? I feel like i should have one....

Its for putting your bits in of course ??

I leaned on my widowed mum. Took her out and about, went shopping, cinema etc

My kids were grown up but I still had a son and grandson at home.

The rotten twat , no lets call him twunt used to pick up my grandson and take him , the other woman and her child off for the weekend.

My grandson was only about two and I grieved for him. I really did.

I did spend some time with my daughter and her little baby too.

So, I got by.

Then I met OH and life was just rosy again.

I havent read all the posts so I am sorry if I cross over any...

It gets easier. The first weekend I spent crying into everything. Blaming myself and convincing my self that they were going to love their dad and his Mcmunter more than me!!

Take the time to adjust OP,once your ready, youll figure out how to fill your time. I am a year down the line now, and sometimes I still find it hard, but those weekends are my time...breakfast in bed, curl up with a book, drink copious amounts of wine I have reconnected with old friends and made myself go out with them to get used to "putting myself out there" again. After 10 years of marriage I was bit nervous, but I am much more confident now. Now I enjoy being able to laze around on a sunday drinking coffee and watching crap TV without 4DC all wanting me for something.

Got through the day - just! And intend to reward myself with a take out this eve! (and a rather large glass of wine - because lets face it, if I have a hangover tomorrow - I can just stay in bed!!)

sorry 'twas a typo! Should have said 'bin bag'. Although a bit bag would be far more interesting!

joywillcome I met him OD but I had to kiss a few frogs first

He hasn't taken ds for a weekend for 12 years. I used to work in a pub, so I'd work when ds was with him.

I realise that I am lucky that he wants to be a good father and spend time with his children (although slightly less than he did before new GF).

It's just hard not being a family and splitting the kids. Do hope it gets easier - but you have all told me it does.

On a positive - I have only left the sofa twice- and that involved getting wine form the shop and a takeaway - I got dressed somewhere around 2pm and changed back in my PJ's at 5pm.

Result. I made it through the day. Thanks ladies - and I will enjoy my first sunday morning lie in1 xx

Well done, Joy! It is hard work, but each time is a little easier. Next time you will start thinking of what you could do to fill the time again and you'll have a thought of 'Oh! I could do that couldn't I? That would be nice.' And you will even start to look forward to your own thing during that time.

I had about three solid time-absorbing things to do, but didn't actually get any of them done. Spent the day loafing around reading, cups of tea and telly. I found it nice just to hang around and relax, especially as I'm under the weather atm.

Ooooh! Yes! The lie in's are fab! I've waiting years for this as ex 'couldn't get up that early with the kids' something in his genetic makeup, he told me.

I'd advise planning ahead - I've never been in your position but when I was a single girl I'd work night shifts and when I finally had a weekend off all my friends were busy because I only started asking what they were doing at the last minute. Ask around today for your next free weekend - cinema? Meal out?

Exercise-wise, would swimming be possible?

thanks ladies. Lie in completed (and ever so slightly wonderful). Now what to do today. My ex was still the first thought I had when I woke. Sigh.

Can you go swimming with your bad back? If so, how about a trip to the pool? Go to one which also has a spa section and then you can sit in the jacuzzi afterwards.

Or a matinee at the cinema? Do you like museums, concerts or galleries? There may be a programme of events coming up in your area soon if you contact the tourist information or library. Maybe you could make some plans of events you want to go to?

I have just got home after being taken out for lunch! Great company and great food! Even feel a little bit human. x

I used to go out with a single mum. She would send the kids off and we would have a lovely weekend!

Well - thank you ladies for you support. Got through the weekend ......yey. Children back home in their beds (feels lovely). Poor DS came home with a bad tummy (but his dad was always a dreadful cook!).

I was again, pleasant when collecting the children - but was given a very twatish letter from the twat (I've blocked him from email - so he has to put pen to paper and is not happy with that! - but hey, when was he happy!)

Having a glass of wine - and giving myself another pat on the back!

Hope you all made it through the weekend xx

Pilates for the back or yoga, and if you live near a club, dragon boat racing, lots of breast cancer teams. Masectomy scars surely shouldn't stop you don't exercise? I have a terrible chest with masvetomy and failed reconstruction which is very tight and I do lots of exercise- keeps my mood on an even keep-ESP anything team based- hockey? If I don't so exercise I get very very low.

I work, go on dates, go out with friends, relax. You'll get into a new routine don't worry.