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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I go with my gut instinct

47 replies

brooke09 · 25/09/2014 19:27

Hi,I'm looking for advice on my 15 month relationship,
I'm with this man that I love very much and he loves me I'm sure lol.
Cut a long story short after 8 months of the relationship I had a feeling checked his ipad and there were messages not sexual or anything but a women meeting up with him,when he was meant to b coming to c me I confronted him and he got angry as I went through his personal things,he then admitted she she had been round just for a chat as he felt sorry for her,she had a man and also he got her to ring me saying nothing went on between them,I left it we were fine,then last week I went on the ipad found a message it went like this? Her-what happened to you?x her again-I feel like your ignoring me I hope this is not the case,I'm sorry I missed your call I was sorting kids,I was hoping u would call back:( I tried to ring u but went straight to awnser phone I take it u are spending quality time with your boy xxxxx -him I fb pm u.her- I've replied him-I'm reading it now ;) xx
Am I being paranoid he's since deleted those messages as I dropped hints is seen them,also the night she tried to call bk he was with me and his boy.i do believe he wants to b with me,as if I go to finish it he's like no I love u blah blah,
I'm so confused and feel hurt.
Please any advice tell me if I'm being stupid or not

OP posts:
Original poster
brooke09 · 25/09/2014 19:31

Also he is overly friendly with women which I said can lead to wrong impression

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 25/09/2014 19:33

She's married or has partner.

pinkfrocks · 25/09/2014 19:34

You have snooped twice because you felt something was going on and each time you have found evidence.
I don't understand the last part of the message she sent- from ' him I fb pm u. her - I've replied...'

why are you dropping 'hints'? what does that actually mean?
Either you tell him you have suspicions and have a proper conversation or you snoop a bit more to find more evidence.

He's playing away, love.
Of course he says he loves you when you ask him- he wants 2 women ( or more) on the go.

MiniTheMinx · 25/09/2014 19:36

He wants two women, because one of them is attached to someone else.

FelicityGubbins · 25/09/2014 19:36

He's a cheating twat, dump him before you start wasting good years of your life away on him

BeCool · 25/09/2014 19:37

I think you have a bit more than your gut instinct to go on.

Original poster
brooke09 · 25/09/2014 19:49

He can be over friendly which I tell him and he's aware how it comes across

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Original poster
brooke09 · 25/09/2014 19:52

Thankyou what makes it worse tho is y when I finish it,he goes all out on being like please don't leave me,when I'm making it easy for him by ending it

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EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 25/09/2014 19:54

Sorry but he's blatantly cheating. You don't need his permission to end it, just end it.

Original poster
brooke09 · 25/09/2014 19:55

Also says I have trust issues then I doubt myself about it all :(

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Original poster
brooke09 · 25/09/2014 19:57

I can c it deep down but it's so hard,Thankyou for your awnsers,it's nice to get outside input

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Pagwatch · 25/09/2014 19:57

Yeah, he's cheating I'm afraid.

MiniTheMinx · 25/09/2014 21:11

Are you on his facebook? Is she also on his friends list? I assume you mean facebook when you say FB? is this right? Are you sure it was her you actually spoke to on the phone?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/09/2014 07:03

'Trust issues' are an internal, psychological problem... irrational mistrust of everything. What you're describing is an 'untrustworthy person'..... and to suspect them of bad behaviour is quite rational.

Whatever he has done or not done, it's a mistake to stay in a relationship with someone you can't trust.

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 07:20

I know it's wrong to stay with him,so basically he is feeding my insecurities of that mistrust?well that's how it feels,I appreciate your help

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/09/2014 07:38

He's acting in an untrustworthy manner.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 26/09/2014 07:43

He is treating and is making out it's your problem, it's not. You now know so it is up to you what you do about it.

Hissy · 26/09/2014 07:50

you should have dumped him at 8m.

you've wasted the last 7m. stop wasting your time on a guy that doesn't care enough about you to keep it oin his pants.

end it. you'll be much happier without him.

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 07:54

Thanks guys I know your right,worst thing is it's making me ill,because my freinds and family know he's bad for me,and I am in a stupid thing called love,need to end it I have two children that need me emotionally and not waste it on someone that brings me down

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/09/2014 08:00

If your friends and family have seen through this person, ask for their support. It's always tough when you still have feelings for someone and sadly, the longer you leave it, the worse it gets. It's also tough if you fear loneliness or if your self-esteem is low and you think he's the best you can get. If you dump him, you have to mean it.... and that's not something anyone else can do for you.

Quitelikely · 26/09/2014 08:01

Have you asked him what these latest messages are about? It sounds like an emotional affair at the very least.

I understand where you coming from by saying you have given him an opportunity to go and he doesn't. Does he live with you? Maybe he doesn't want to give that up

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 08:14

He dosent live with me,we were planning it,he rings me all the time,behaviour never changes,I haven't asked him about the recent messages just incase it was my insecurities,but he obviously knows I've seen them as I dropped hints and tgen they got deleted,the thing is I have finished with him I go cold don't awnser phone ect.. And he Perseus me says how much he loves me ect..and that's what I meen as in I make it easy I end it,he was single for 5 years when I met him had lil relationships in that 5 years but nothing serious,his freinds and family say how much he loves me and I'm good for him,he says to me he has invested in this relationship and dosnt want it to end

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myroomisatip · 26/09/2014 08:18

It is all about what 'he' wants though!

When you end it just go completely NC.

pinkfrocks · 26/09/2014 08:20

Look, you are being messed about. he knows you don't mean what you say when you end it which is why he begs to come back. I wish you could see that you do not have 'problems' as he is trying to make out - for his own benefit. He is treating you badly, seeing other women most likely, and keeping you hanging on.

You need to end this, get some help on raising your self esteem so you don't fall for this kind of man, and are able to spot it more easily when someone messes you about.

tell him it's over and mean it. what his friends say is of no consequence at all. How can they possibly say you are good for him? he's not good for you, that's for sure.

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 08:28

The problem is I know I'm a mug,my best freind has told me she's here no matter what,but also tells me she can see how I have gone from confident and strong to beaten down emotionally,so I keep questioning myself like oh but he must love me I meen he wants to move in and marry me,and I know that's not right

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