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Original poster

Should I go with my gut instinct

47 replies

brooke09 · 25/09/2014 19:27

Hi,I'm looking for advice on my 15 month relationship,
I'm with this man that I love very much and he loves me I'm sure lol.
Cut a long story short after 8 months of the relationship I had a feeling checked his ipad and there were messages not sexual or anything but a women meeting up with him,when he was meant to b coming to c me I confronted him and he got angry as I went through his personal things,he then admitted she she had been round just for a chat as he felt sorry for her,she had a man and also he got her to ring me saying nothing went on between them,I left it we were fine,then last week I went on the ipad found a message it went like this? Her-what happened to you?x her again-I feel like your ignoring me I hope this is not the case,I'm sorry I missed your call I was sorting kids,I was hoping u would call back:( I tried to ring u but went straight to awnser phone I take it u are spending quality time with your boy xxxxx -him I fb pm u.her- I've replied him-I'm reading it now ;) xx
Am I being paranoid he's since deleted those messages as I dropped hints is seen them,also the night she tried to call bk he was with me and his boy.i do believe he wants to b with me,as if I go to finish it he's like no I love u blah blah,
I'm so confused and feel hurt.
Please any advice tell me if I'm being stupid or not

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 26/09/2014 08:35

well instead of reminding yourself he wants to move in and marry you, remind yourself that he is a liar, a cheater, spins lies to keep you hanging on, destroys your self-worth, and is the very last man you ought to think about marrying.

Can't you see that his talk about marriage is just a game to keep you hanging on while he plays around with other women?

How old are you both btw?

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 08:37

I'm 29 and he's 35

OP posts:
Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 08:38

No I know I need a good slap lol y do they do it y make plans ect.. And not just let me go

OP posts:
Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 08:39

He has battered my worth I know that,and that's y it's so hard to let go he has mDe me feel worthless

OP posts:
Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 08:41

Also if I cut all ties I know it will get easier we have no mutual freinds live 18 miles apart so no need to bump into each other,just feels so hard right now

OP posts:
lupo5 · 26/09/2014 08:45

Are you sure it's love? I am not being mean just if it's love you don't hurt oh.

lupo5 · 26/09/2014 08:46

You are young ,the whole world is ahead of you. You are together only 15 mnths and he is prove not to be trusted...

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 08:46

It's summat lol,I have been in a 9 year relationship with kids dad and never felt like this

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/09/2014 08:50

Sounds less like love and more like romantic desperation... sorry. You're young with some DCs. Of course you want hearts, flowers, wedding dresses and the promise of security, companionship etc. Only natural not to want to let go of your dream. This man isn't trustworthy, however, and he's exploiting your hopes and optimism to keep you stringing along. All the time you waste on him, the worse your self-esteem becomes and the right person to help you fulfil your dream isn't going to get a look in.

pinkfrocks · 26/09/2014 08:52

Stop focusing on what HE wants.

He doesn't want to let you go because he likes being adored by you and more than one woman. He likes pulling you in and pushing you away.

Focus on what YOU want. It's up to you to end this- it doesn't matter what he wants. He can't see you if you end it, and believe me once you end it and MEAN it, you won't see him again because he will be off to find another -fool-- woman who will put up with his cheating.

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 09:01

U are completely right even tho it's hard,he wants what he wants,I have freinds and a large family,he dosent he just has his brother bit of a loner when it comes to freinds,wants me to c him all the time,next bit of advice I'm meant to b going to his tonight for weekend same as I do every weekend ,do I go over as normal but confront all my issues then walk out head held high, or do I speak to him when he rings today and do it,to be fair I don't even want to go over

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 26/09/2014 09:10

Although you will be advised here to end it today in no uncertain terms, please don't fret if you aren't strong enough yet. I think you have made a huge leap posting here and you have came to a very important realisation that he isn't right for you.

You know that now and sometimes it can take a little time for that to sink in and for you to detach emotionally from the situation.

It's always a bad sign when your friends and family warn you if someone (well when it's not the MiL warning her son Grin )

You will have to be prepared for his begging and pleading, remember not to feel sorry for him. Sometimes these things just don't work out.

What does he say about this woman? Who is she? Did he promise not to contact her ever again after the last time?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/09/2014 09:18

"to be fair I don't even want to go over"

If you don't want to go over, don't go. If you call it off and tell him it's finished today you will be making an important step in improving your self-esteem. You will be in control, doing what you think is right and that will do a huge amount for your self-respect... even if you are wobbly about it.

If you don't want to go over but you go anyway you are instantly less in control. You're on his turf, as it were. The plans you have to end it with your head high may happen or you may weaken & allow yourself to be persuaded to stick around for more. Either way, it'll be more difficult.

kaykayblue · 26/09/2014 10:01

OP, I want to shake you.

You sound lovely, but you just keep making such weak excuses. You KNOW that this isn't right, and you KNOW that you aren't happy, and you KNOW that this man is a piece of shit.

You can't fall back on "yeah but i am stupid and in love, LOL".

You are grown woman - you know what you need to do. You have NOTHING invested with this man except some sort of warped sense of pride.

Just make the break!

BeCool · 26/09/2014 10:54

"He said, he wants" - time to stop all that OP!!
What he wants is to be in a relationship with you, and shag around with whomever he wants. What he has said and done, has left you a shadow of the woman you were before you were involved with him.

What do you want? You owe him nothing and you don't have to listen to him feebly bleating on about anything.

What exactly is is about this cheating lying disrespectful untrustworthy piece of shit you think you love?

Don't go over to his this weekend. tell him on the phone it is over or send him a text. Remember you don't need to listen to what he has to say - rem,ember his is a liar, his talk is very cheap/worthless even.

Spend the weekend with your friends and family -people who actually like, value and respect you.

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 19:30

Just to let u all know,I went over this evening,he was out I got there early looked at his ipad,cut a long story short I smashed ipad up as there were messages from that girl,I rite cunt on his rang over excuse the language and left,he has constantly rang me and said nothing happened he chose me ,I got a back bone and said fivk off if you love someone u don't even txt someone in that manner ,he said do u wNna sort this I said no gone past that,he now has turned it round and said I'm controlling!lol.currently at my mates drinking vodka bit of shock but can't be treated like this,I will keep u all posted of his behaviour

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 26/09/2014 20:19

I'm sorry brooke, he was obviously hedging his bets or maintained a relationship with you, I think probably because she is busy, or she is attached or she simply doesn't want him for anything like a proper relationship. Stay strong, you deserve better. They deserve each other! assuming she was the woman you actually spoke to on the phone.

Lweji · 26/09/2014 20:21

Late to the thread, but I hope for your sake that he doesn't report you for damaging his property.

Original poster
brooke09 · 26/09/2014 20:56

Thankyou minitheminx,this women wouldn't awnser to me gutless,it's hard and I feel hurt, he wanted me to go back and I was strong for once,but it was black and white in my face to see and I can't be no mug.i have been for to long.and oh no he won't report me to police he's just threatend to come in my house and smash it up charming,and also said I have ruined the relationship with us lol,he has lost the control fuck the ipad he got off lightly lol! :) oh and no she dismissed him as she knew he was in a relationship with me lol xx

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 26/09/2014 21:03

Oh dear, if she dismissed him (has he said this?) why are they still sending messages that seem cosy to each other?

Do you think he would try to get in your house? Did he text the threat to smash up house? Anyway, a nice person would never threaten such a thing, so you are well rid of him.

Lweji · 26/09/2014 22:53

Although it sounds like nothing, you may want to read this regarding damaging other people's property

"Non-aggravated offences involving damage valued at less than £5,000 are triable only summarily by magistrates and the maximum sentence is three months' imprisonment and a fine of £2,500."

So far he has made threats, you have actually damaged his property. He may go or not to the police. But you were in the wrong there. Just walk away.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/09/2014 22:57

Agree with Lweji... however upset you are, two wrongs don't make a right. Your plan was to leave with your head held high and instead you've sunk to his level. Please keep your distance now before you end up in trouble.

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