Husband sex and stuff

[iamtheenchantedhood]

Husband and I coming to 1 year anniversary of marriage and 10 years together. We have two kids under 4. I mentioned a few weeks ago a bit drunk that sex wasn't happening for me and how I was interested in clitoral stimulation. Sorry that sounds grose but I have always had sexual need and been sexually active.
I have been fretful about having sex as it has been crap of late, probably due to my lack of effort with kids, full-time work etc.
But last night I let my guard down and did the deed. It was horrendous. I felt violated and remember pain (had had two glasses of red). When I asked him just now tonight he 'vaguly' remembers. That's all he said.
I have no idea where to go from here. I am dealing with a disciplinary situ in work (I am managing) and I have the kids, so obviously I haven't had much time to think about this today.
Maybe he got carried away in the moment but it summed up exactly what he thinks of me? I am so confused. It's been so long since we had sex I'm not even sure if I have imagined etc... Please could someone reassure me...?

I'm a bit unclear. What do you mean by, maybe he got carried away in the moment and it summed up exactly what he thinks of me?

I don't know I'm really confused as I am feeling old and complicated but I have an underlying horrible thing going on - this has never happened before

How did he stimulate your clitoris? With his mouth and tongue or hands or something else? Trying to understand.

Why is sex not happening for you right now? Is this a recent thing?

I'm sorry, I have no idea what you are trying to say :(

You've already said you let your guard down and did the deed, what exactly are you accusing him off.

No he screwed me.but it's been weeks as I feel crappy about myself. I'm asking women how it sounds. FFs don't lay into me!

This is all over the place, what do you mean by what he thinks of you?

Sorry but your post is difficult to understand. Did he not stimulate it as you wanted? He made it painful? You need to tell more OP.

Please don't feel attacked, I don't think anyone's having a go. We're just struggling to understand the situation. Your words could be interpreted as you saying he raped you.

Take it slow OP, its unclear what you are trying to describe or say.

Agree with Vivacia. OP needs to clarify her post otherwise everyone is going to imagine different things.

do you mean you didnt want to have sex but let your guard down and he did it anyway?

I understand OP wanted DP to stimulate her clit and he did it but not in a loving way but rather a punishing one. So she feels disgusted by his actions and hurt.

Whichever interpretation is what the OP's saying it sounds confusing and that hurt has been caused, intentionally or otherwise.

No-one on MN thinks anything is gross don't worry about giving TMI as no-one knows who you are anyway. Be more descriptive if you can and you will get excellent advice. Collectively, everyone on here has done or seen everything OP, don't be coy and we can help you

We want to help but don't understand. Be honest and open with us so we can.

It sounds upsetting for you.

I'm not trying to be horrible but do you mean you told him you didn't enjoy sex and he raped you? Or you had sex consensually but without him trying to make sure you enjoyed it?

Think she's been a bit scared off.

Come back love and carefully explain.

I too was confused with your first post . I often easily am so felt it was just me.

No one is going to be shocked or offended here.

You are even allowed to swear FFS!

You sound upset but it's not clear from your post what exactly has happened. Do you feel you could give a bit more information to help us understand? No one will lay into you.

Was it that you wanted clitoral stimulation instead of which he just penetrated you with no preparation and was rough so it hurt? Sorry to be so clinical about it - I'm trying to help you get to the bottom of what happened without immediately putting an interpretation on it because I can tell that whatever happened has left you feeling disturbed and I think if I read you right you're asking for help in makingssense of it.

OP it sounds to me like you are saying you didn't want/expect penetration but this happened anyway?

Are you on medication? Mixed with alcohol that might account for the effect it had on you.

Come back and take it slow, people here will help you x

Crikey. Nothing gross about clitoral stimulation.

Are you saying you never asked for it, or got it before in ten years together?

You're very patient.

But last night, despite you having told him that you need the extra direct stimulation (for lubrication?) he went ahead and penetrated you without warning and hurt you?

Is that it?

I wondered if the OP thinks she might have been drugged if the details are so hazy. Please come back, OP. There's no judgement here & we want to help. Can you explain the sequence of events/timeline more clearly?

If you had to get a bit tipsy a few weeks ago to broach the subject with him of what you needed sexually to overcome your recent mental block , then is it possible that last night, he saw you having two glasses of wine and took that as some kind of green light?

It certainly sounds as though, at a minimum, he was very insensitive and got it hopelessly wrong. Is he very shy in bed? Do you think he is finding it difficult to do as you asked? Communication between you doesn't sound great. But it can be improved.

I was thinking the same as Arsenic when i caught this thread earlier.

Did he try to penetrate you while you were dry OP Ive had that and it hurts like hell.