new colleague - help me approach her

[chocoraisin]

Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I have a new colleague working on a project I designed and she's made it clear that she is really miffed about me being in charge of what we're working on.

When she was introduced to the work (I was told she'd love being a part of it because it's 'right up her street' by the person who selected her to work with me) her first reaction was along the lines of 'how did you manage to get this funded?'

We're a couple of weeks in and she's done a few things that clearly send a pissy message eg when I offered a cup of tea to a participant, she pointedly demanded I make her one too. The participant was left in no doubt that she had a problem with me, and actually asked me what her problem was!

Today we had two concurrent sessions running. When I asked her how the session went she simply cut me off by saying 'I left, actually' because numbers were low. Which means that session basically didn't happen for the participant who attended.

I'm cross and also confused. She knows nothing about me but has clearly decided that I shouldn't be in charge of this - I get the strong feeling she thinks she should be! She's also dismissive of the evaluation form and not really engaging (will be a problem for funding if we don't fully evaluate).

How do I navigate this and get her on side? I don't want to respond by being frosty. It's a project I really care about and want it to go well, so engaging with her is really important. TIA

That last paragraph is more or less what you need to say to her, and ask her what you can do to help engage with her.

If she is that blunt, turn it around. Tell her you've been aware she appears to have a problem and it is and will be getting in the way of the quality work. Ask her what she suggests?

First I would try what seasavage says and she what she says. Try talking to her calmly and professionally. If that doesn't work then I'd go to the person who chose her for the project, or whoever is responsible, and say what is going on and ask for them to deal with her.

If you take it further up, keep your personal feelings out. Point out that your clients are noticing she is behaving badly to you and that she decided not to hold one of the sessions the client was expecting. That is unlikely to be acceptable behaviour at any placeof work, no matter what field.

I wouldn't do either of those, I'd get her off the project for walking out of a session and putting the project in jeopardy.

Possibly a disciplinary investigation as this is not professional conduct.

I disagree that that is the first step. I agree that it could very well come to that, but I think that would be an overreaction immediately.

It might have to do with the working culture here. It is expected that problems are solved at the lowest possible level, so first you try to sort it out yourself, and if that doesn't give a resolution then you move up the hierarchy. I think it is a good rule to work by, but I guess it varies from place to place.

I want to be as gentle and friendly as possible to start with, but yes maybe she would welcome bluntness if that's her approach. Starting with 'you seem to be frustrated, how can we work it out?' might work? To be honest it's really taking the shine off getting to this point (and I've worked bloody hard to get it funded) not to mention being awkward for clients. So I can't do nothing.

Why is there always someone with a sodding chip on their shoulder??

Make it less threatening by making a drink?

Could you get in touch with the participant whom she blew off, to "capture" his/her complaint, before s/he can complain to someone else? This would give you written, external evidence which ypu could use to issue a warning to her.

as I said it's only the start of this project (a couple of weeks in) so there's no way I want to make a complaint I just want to engage her and get her onside, so that she gives the project energy and wants to be part of it. I think that's still possible. I just don't know how to go about it.

It's not the first time I've had to deal with someone older/with experience giving me the side-eye look because I'm heading something up that they dont think I'm up to. I toughed it out last time and proved them wrong but I was considerably younger (5 years ago). Now I feel like I should assume she treats me as a professional, but it feels like the same issue.

I can't quite work it out. She just doesn't seem to like the look of me, it really is that kind of feeling! A bit odd. She's questioned where I've trained etc within minutes of meeting me. I find it rude, but I'm not confrontational so I've left it so far.

Sorry, I missed your last post. You sound very hesitant to take on her behaviour. Have you been given no authority over her? If so, you can still show the client's complaint ti her line manager. Keep recirds, though, or the person who "placed" her in your project could be embarrassed by his/her own lack of judgement, and go after you rather than the stroppy staff member.

I was told she'd love being a part of it because it's 'right up her street' by the person who selected her to work with me

Sounds to me as if that person choosing her to work with you failed to spot her nose isout of joint and she's angling to be the one in charge.

Or... the person who sold her to you heaved a big sigh of relief at having successfully shunted the stroppy cow onto another team. Seen that one a few times too.

Yy a "highly recommended" person from another department is often a tool that nobody else can bear working with.

To ensure the project's success you want to 'click' so can you steer her in an area in which she can play to her as yet unseen strengths?

def want to find her strengths and give her some freedom to take ownership of her specialist area. Just don't want to be condescended to because she thinks that means I'm not capable of overseeing the project as a whole. Hard one really. I'm of the opinion happy teams are where everyone plays to their strengths, but I'm not going to celebrate her strengths while being spoken to like an idiot/underling by her very easily am I?

Er, I'd bear down on her so fast! She is blatantly undermining you - professionally and personally; she is undermining the project, alienating clients. God, I'd have her arse.

I don't think for one minute she would respond to the soft approach. She is a bully, bullies don't respond to kindness. You won't appeal to her better side because she doesn't have one if she blithely behaves with this level of ignorance - as if no-one's watching. Well, they are. She has to be accountable or she can get off the project. You're the boss.

I would say though: do NOT take this personally. It has nothing to do with you. Really, nothing to do with you at all on any level. So dont take it personally - but DO move quickly to flag this up through official channels. I wouldn't recommend you speak to her directly - save perhaps a clear 'do you have a problem? Because you are undermining the project and alienating clients, which is unacceptable' : not nice, not nasty, but plain. I think it is very important you document her behaviour to your and her LM at the earliest.

I would also caution that bullying in the workplace can have a devastating effect remarkably quickly. So move quickly to address it. Don't call it bullying - though it is - but let the details speak for themselves. Hinge your observations on the damage her behaviour is doing to the company and also the project, in that order. Don't make it personal.

You're the boss! Bears repeating.

good advice, thank you - I can definitely do that. I'm more than willing to collaborate on the solution, while nipping in the bud the implication that I don't know what I'm doing or am somehow unqualified for the role.

I have enough of a thick skin to take feedback and work with her, so will gird my loins to deal with this proactively. I can't bear the idea that something close to my heart (and which I've worked incredibly hard to get to this stage) could be damaged by a personality clash.

I have arranged to speak to the overall manager tomorrow to discuss the issue. No messing around now!

It won't be damaged by a personality clash at all, but by a woman who seems to want your job despite having done none of the work or put in any of the effort.

You need to fight for this now, OP. Don't deal with this using kindness. She will walk all over you and will respect you less than she does now. She sees you as a threat and you need to pull out all the stops both to keep your job and to allow the project to work.

She won't have any valid feedback - she's resisted you from day 1.

Do what talfry says. I am guessing that she/he has leadership experience.

taff your advice is golden. I'm also passionate about effective leadership so it really resonates with me.

I'm processing the inevitable slump in my own enthusiasm right now, feeling very gutted that this issue is overshadowing the start of what should have been something really fun. But I know that feelings (like the weather) will pass, and having a concrete plan of action is what I need.

One that tackles the issue head on without having to assert some kind of rigid authority really speaks to me. I don't think people follow leaders who instill fear - they follow leaders who acknowledge their contribution, guide them and make them feel safe so they can bring the best of themselves. That's the kind i want to be. I'm just on a learning curve to get there! Taff sounds like she's a bit further on that journey than me :) so happy to have her wisdom!

not to say other suggestions to squash her aren't very gratifying in my current mood

Wishing you luck, and do keep us updated! I have a similarly disrespectful team member. I'm always looking for new ways to get/keep this person on side, and am working on the issue with a mentor, an HR contact and my line manager. (Either I'm rubbish or she's a difficult person...)