Joint account?

[Littleburgundyboots]

Ok. Background,

Dp and I have lived together 3 years. We have a 6 mo baby. We are not married and aren't planning on getting married (neither of us that keen on weddings) but maybe one day to share the same name.
We rent and are lucky to pay low rent as property is owned by a member of my family.
We have separate bank accounts and I have read that we should have a joint one now but not sure why it's necessary? But I would like one.
I am receiving maternity allowance as my employer did not have to give me SMP. I am not returning to work there or at all for the foreseeable future due to childcare issues. I am happy to not be working (didn't have a career as such) and happy to do the large chunk of household chores, shopping, cooking and raising our child. Dp is happy for me to do this and says he will cover all bills and rent (currently 50/50) when my MA stops in a couple of months. He will give me an amount of money each week for food/nappies/incidentals and is happy for me to ask for more if I need it (new clothes etc).
Child benefit goes straight into a savings account in my name to be saved for baby. When my MA stops I will have nothing coming into my own account at all bar what he gives me.

Wise ladies of Mumsnet. Is this ok? Or should I ask for a joint account? And if I do... What reason do I give?

There was a fantastic post last month (I think) and I'm hoping somebody would post a link to it.

In essence, there's a lot that can legally be done to protect yourself when not married re entitlements and wills etc.

However, you will always be playing catch up as circumstances change and there are certain things you'll never have claim on like death benefits and pension. There will also be things that one partner can change without the knowledge of the other.

Exactly Joy. its slightly more than a joint bank issue if you are making yourself financially dependent on someone else.

Personally, and I know it isn't something that suits everyone but I have always worked and was encouraged to have a profession. I think that you should see if you could also factor in some employment, just because it does offer at least some way of keeping yourself if things go wrong. My mother taught me to have full access to all money and a running away fund. Money is one thing that I don't worry about or argue about.

Marriage is a legal status not just a piece of paper and a white dress, please consider this.

Marriage doesn't solve the access to joint money issue and you would still need to make wills in each other's favour but the main things it secures over cohabitation is security for yourself and your DCs in the event of the relationship failing or bereavement. In the event of divorce, you would have an equal claim to any marital assets and potentially ongoing maintenance. In the event of bereavement you would be regarded as next of kin for insurance purposes and, as a spouse, not liable for inheritance tax if applicable.

You may think that you don't have much at the moment in the way of marital assets, that you are a long way off anyone dying and, even if they did, you don't own enough to pay IHT but these things have a way of creeping up on you when you're busy raising children and getting on with life.

You can, as said above, spend some time and money with a solicitor and draw up agreements that tackle most of the above with the exception of inheritance tax.

Cohabitation and marriage are both serious lifestyle choices with a lot of implications if they go wrong - often financial. It's not being pessimistic to protect your interests - it's shrewd.

It's so much easier to just get married than worry if you have all other bases covered. Definitely least hassle, it's cheap, and can be done in 15minutes and you don't need a solicitor.

Yes, marriage is very easy, but it won't make the ops dh suddenly drop his ideas of housekeeping and give her access to family money. In fact, it may only serve to reinforce his peculiar ideas about modern family life. It would be better to get the relationship and money organised and live like that for a year or so before plunging into marriage as a cure all.

Divorce is much harder and expensive. Op, if your family are wealthy or at least have the wherewithal to rent to you cheaply, enabling you to be a sahm ( I presume they don't realise your dp keeps to himself the saving from this)

It might be in your interests not to marry, just to ensure wills and current monetary situation is more beneficlal. See a solicitor about what happens if it all goes horribly wrong, and make an informed decision on what is best for you.

And study or keep yourself employable. Who is doing his books, marketing, taking calls etc? If its you please get yourself on the payroll, with a pension and see an accountant to make sure you are claiming tax relief on bills. I presume he runs it from home, as it seems a bit of a tangle:)

Thank you all. I don't want to marry him right now, I'm not against it but I don't think it's the answer.

Re business. It's just him, he's self employed. Tax return etc very easy, all business spends and earnings are recorded daily and tax money is set aside each month. Due to the nature of it he often needs to spend money on jobs before being paid for them which is why it is easier to operate from one account, he doesn't spend a lot on himself either. I want access to it so I can pay for bills/shopping etc with OUR money but am still not sure how treats and clothes etc, will work...

In response to earlier questions: when we go out anywhere he always pays, dinner, drinks, cinema etc. I used to offer approx 50% of the time when I was earning equal amounts, now I don't but if I have £20 on me I might buy us a couple of drinks if were out with friends but it's not expected that we split everything.

I don't want to have to justify every little thing I buy, I think an earlier idea (sorry can't tag, on phone) that we go through the months earnings/spends and work out how much is free and split it is a good one and maybe we can do that each month and he can send some money into my acc for the next months free spends/fun money which I can spend or save as I see fit. That sounds good.

I don't currently work for him but have helped with various business things in the past. There is hope that he will be able to expand business next year and I can join when he makes it a ltd company as a director and I will take over financial/admin side (my work background) and we will both be paid as directors as opposed to him being self employed and just keeping profits. Then I suppose we will pool money for bills and end up with an equal amount each month.

So. I think joint account is necessary, and wills (we haven't yet written them but I have outlined why they are needed and he agrees) to start with and marriage in a couple of years time.

Thanks so much for your opinions xx

I will take over financial/admin side (my work background)

What?

I think you're being extremely sensible in trying to sort out how you stand financially now before arguments start. It's good to have some ideas of how best to proceed so you can both have the conversation as to each believes is fair and what will work best for you both in your situation and relationship.

I know many couples who see apportionment of bills to be the fairest so if she earns more than he does she pays 2/3 and he pays 1/3. They still don't have equal disposable income though. Others we know simply don't have a clue what the other earns. How can you financially plan or ensure equality if that's the case?

We've always worked on the basis that whatever our incomes, we personally value each other equally and don't accept the inequalities of the valuations imposed on us by our relative incomes. That's why we've always gone down the route of a regular fixed averaged amount for bills and a regular fixed amount of disposable income to individual current accounts so there's no micro managing and no need for accountability of spending.

When we started out, DH was doing an apprenticeship and I earnt 6 times the amount he did. When I was a SAHM I earnt nothing. 2 extremes but we have always valued each other equally and have both always deserved the same spending power. Anything else simply isn't equal!

Not everybody has the same attitude to money and equality, and some situations are more complicated than others. Talking about money isn't an easy conversation but by discussion and agreeing to general principles as early on as possible when there's no bad feelings and things are going well, this gives the general blueprint as to how things are to be organised for the entire relationship so the figures involved change but the principles remain unchanged. Makes for a lot less friction when life throws you a curve ball and finances dramatically change.