Does anyone's mum do this?

[oneungratefuldaughter]

I ought to be grateful but my mum in her 80s and still very with it, just doesn't seem to 'get ' me. Today she's posted a clipping from their local rag about someone I went to primary school with 50 years ago, who has had recently an old pic ( as a child) in the local rag. I have no interest at all in this girl, who wan't even a friend at school except I think we played recorder in a group at the time. I know this is so trivial but on a more serious note I don't think my mum realises how this is so meaningless to me now. I've not lived in the area for 40 years anyway, since I moved after uni.
This isn't a one-off. She often posts stuff like this, which I could access online anyway, if she told me she'd read it in their local rag, but the point is it's meaningless to me, and she can't seem to understand that my life has in 40 years moved on. Grrrrrrrrrrr! My mum seems to think I am sentimental about that time in my life but I really am not.

She has reached the age where more time is spent looking back than forward, my mum also did this, as well as handing over carrier bags of old shite every time I saw her as " this was yours when you were little" or "do you remember... I thought you would like it as a reminder" most of it was shit I had never even seen! it's just a mother thing.

I think she's trying to talk to you about think she thinks you'd like? That's nice, no? Try to start a conversation about something else that you have in common maybe if you find the newspaper clippings annoying?

Crikey my mom does do this yes. And even though I often don't even know who she's talking about I just nod and smile and chat along because I know she gets pleasure from reminiscing.

Can't you manage to do that? Does it really make you so cross? I really can't understand why it's making you so angry.

Perhaps you should readjust your persepective and realise that it might be about her being sentimental not you

And reread the first 5 words of your OP

Does it matter? My mother, also in her 80s, does this sort of thing a lot (but actually I do find it interesting ), she also talks endlessly about nothing - but I accept it, just as I am sure she accepts things that I do or talk about as totally dull and uninteresting.

Remember, none of us are perfect .

Yes, my dad does it. He's also in his 80s. He's very invested in the past now, and we talk about it a lot. It's natural.

It's not that offensive, if it gives her a little pleasure I don't see the harm.

I don't think my mum realises how this is so meaningless to me now

Your mum knew you as a child. You aren't in touch with her enough for her to know what interests you now, whether you see her/speak to her or not. Also, she's probably interested in what happened to people she used to know, and would assume you are the same. Added to which, in her eighties, what is she doing in her daily life that's so riveting she can talk to you about it? So what is she to say? Further, noticing people from your early peer group is a way of demonstrating that you matter to her.
Instead of appreciating those things, you're so full of your own business that you don't give two hoots about her, her feelings, or anyone you might once have known.
Nice.

You do sound angry, why is that? What's so bad about the idea that you might have fond memories - was it a really horrible time and you think she should know that?

My mum gave me a scrapbook of stuff she had about me. It's still lying in the back of my car.

She also gave me a bag of old ball gowns which are lovely but stink of smoke. She is de-cluttering her house which basically means sending old shit to mine and my sisters house instead.

I don't know how you can judge Humble how much I am in touch with my mum. Did I say? I talk to her several times a week by phone. You make a lot of huge assumptions. My Mum has a very busy and full life.
I think your post is very thoughtless because you make statements that have no foundation and are purely fictitious, about her life and mine.
For anyone who's got more insight, the point was that it's an indication of the gulf between me and my mum because she doesn't seem to understand me or how I tick. We have little in common although we do talk about gardening and the family. It makes me sad that she thinks something like this matters to me. Yes it matters she has thought about me,but this person she sent a clipping of meant nothing to me then, she wasn't a friend, and doesn't now 50 years on.

Honestly what harm does accepting these little postal messages cause? none. Itd be a different kettle of fish if she was then calling daily to see if youd got back in touch with said blast from the past or whatever, but all she os doing is thinking "ooh DD went to school with her, she might quite like to read this, Ill send it to her"

Its nice that you are still at the forefront of her mind and at her age, a bloody good thing that she is able to recall faces and names from 50 years ago!

I think you are really being quite unreasonable.

I would be touched that my mum had thought of me and gone to the effort of cutting it out and posting it to me. OK it might not really mean much to you, but I think its the thought that counts. Perhaps she sees it as connecting with you, even though she's missing the mark. I think you're over thinking it.

Maybe it just reminds her of a happy time and she hopes it does you too. It doesn't but hey-ho if it makes her happy. You seem fairly close and loving in your level of contact even if you don't share interests so concentrate on the meaning of the gesture rather than its content. Don't be too sad if she doesn't get you now - it's just the generation gap.

Ok, so now it makes you sad. In your OP it made you angry.

Maybe it matters to her eh? Maybe you could just have a little patience.

And it seems that you have very little idea of what makes her tick if this is making you so angry sad

Again, reread those first 5 words of the OP and take some time to think about why she might do this that isn't all about YOU

You've made me really quite upset on your mom's behalf

Whenever I visited my mum (20 years younger than yours) she would spend the whole time telling me the life story of everyone she worked with.
She never asked about me or the grandchildren ever.

I found out after she died that she spent hours telling anyone who would listen how wonderful I was. I don't think that she knew me at all.

I think that some people prefer to chat rather than listen.

Your mother loves you very much as did mine. Just humour her.

My mum has a daily list of questions about stuff on her mind. I was so ill on Saturday night I was a bit short on answering one about how someone had died (illness and death are her fave subjects).

Yesterday as I lay in bed feeling worse she ticked me off for being short and I shouldn't bother phoning if I can't answer her questions because that's the way she is and she needs to ask her fucking questions! Then she told me to go and lie down and what my problem is (overdoing it) in a commanding tone of voice.

OP I do get what you mean. My DMiL does this to DH about relatives which DH couldnt reliably pick out in a line up! I think for DMiL it is because her recent memory is fading. She cant quite remember DCs' names or what they are doing now so this is her way of keeping some sort of memory going.

wtf, this is totally normal OP!
The number of phone calls from my mum that start with "do you remember x from school", followed by how she's bumped into them or read a story or whatever.
The only unusual thing is your reaction to it.

I think you are very lucky that you still have a mother in her 80's and the fact that she still has her marbles. You are coming across quite cold and heartless.

It's the circle of life, I've noticed my daughter humouring me just lately when I'm telling her something.

I can't think why, it's usually a riveting piece of information.

My mum does it and it is how I kept in touch with a number of school friends before facebook. I've been moved away 30 years. When my dh died in July, I had maybe half a dozen sympathy cards from Mums of school friends who I haven't kept in touch with other than relayed information through my mum. I spoke to a few old friends who I am on "Christmas card" contact with (and I'm not even sure I sent cards last year) and it was comforting to listen to other people's reminiscences of my dh. I am still interested to hear about my dc's primary school friends and what they are up to now they are going to uni or having children of their own. Maybe I'm just nosy, but I think it is community.

I see a mum who's trying to connect with you. Okay, so maybe your life has moved on but at least she is still trying to find bonds and little bits of news she thinks might be of interest to you. I see a mum who is just trying to be a part of your life. She sounds very sweet.

Mine does this too. She will also tell me if she has been down to the shops and seen Richard's mum Jean, you know, oh, you must remember, Richard Bloggs who lived on the corner, you played football with him in the garden... etc. Well, do you know, it's very exciting, her neighbour, waffle waffle gossip gossip waffle waffle.

I no longer live in the area and have only the vaguest memory of Richard, and would not be able to tell his mum apart from several dozen other random 70something women in a shop.

My dad sometimes does this, usually with a note & a "thought you might be interested".

sometimes I am interested, sometimes I'm not.

It has zero impact on my life & he enjoys it.

can't see the problem tbh.

My dad is amazing at keeping in touch with people. I'm a bit hopeless.