husband blames me partly for his heart attack !!

[whatisforteamum]

Ive posted before but cant find other threads,Long story short 28 yrs together.2 teens and lots of external stress as both my parents have incurable cancer.
Dh and i had a row this morning as he had apologized for going golfing so we couldnt have a holiday as mine was at a set time that couldnt be changed (new job) and he kept fobbing me off then still went ahead with a sat golf so i wasted 2 weeks bored silly and upset.
TBH i dont usually go as im not a fan of long journeys but with Dads cancer back i thought a break would be good.
Apparently the golf is exercise for his heart after his heart attack last nov.I pointed out we could both have gone out on those days and money.He then said if i cooked for him so he didnt have ready meals that may have caused his attack !!!
Forget the fact he is quite overweight borderline obese,and when i used to cook healthily he still bought choc bars saying you only have one life and his mum died at 44 from a heart attack and his dad had 2.
Turns out he now has 4 more sessions in sept ( after promising we could go out),I do feel mean for asking him every week why he just does his own thing and i take the blame that ive missed other hols.
I dont take the blame for his ill health though wjhen he has a meal 2 hrs later than the 2 kids and they are all quite fussy.Im just sad that he has become so selfish and different to the man ive known.Also i dread being left just with him when my parents die if he has no thought for me now.BTW im slim and walk evrywhere and no one has ever made me a sandwich though he does keep me some roast left overs when i work week ends.
Sorry for going on thanks for reading.

Christ almighty doesnt he think you are under enough pressure as it is.

All i want is someone to be kind..most of my work colleguaes are lovely but my boss told me im flat chested and look 74 not 47 i told him i have home concerns!! I have wrinkles but quite a good figure and dress sense :I did wonder what an open relationship would be like but im sure my DH would just be a smug dick about it,and less than helpful with the chores.How do you cope with it Darkest?

Firstly your boss is a sexist arsehole and i would be reporting his comment to HR

That aside i cope ok some of the time and other times i completely fall apart and get incredibly depressed. Last winter i remember being in my local town hall in the toilets and wondering how high up it was.

But when i get male attention which has happened recently i get very bereft about things as it reminds me whats missing at home.

Sorry .....i cant stop being appalled at your bosses comment.

UPDATE
turns out DH doesnt have sex with me because i moan.Always moaning,going on about my job (boss said i look old enough to be a grandma when i said i would love to be one).All my colleagues are in their 20s with carefree lives mostly.I feel lost.When the going got tough i had my DHs support,or when home was harder i had my work.I saved for possible divorce and dont know whether to use the cash to get away from my job,however it is the only sociable thing i do.My self esteem is shot to bits getting grief at work then sleeping downstairs on the floor while worrying about my parents illness.
I need to do something for fun but i have no idea what and i just feel trapped by the man who wont disscuss anything then blurts out all my faults on a thurs eve while he is running off to watch footy for the second time without telling us.
On a positive note i used some money to buy jewellery for my b day next week as my lot dont usually bother,so at least i have something i want :)

whatis my God he is treating you with absolute contempt. And why the fuck are you sleeping on the floor.

I can relate to the not wanting to talk. DH doesnt like talking either. He doesnt list my faults just before going out though.

You are being taked for granted and treated with contempt. And they never acknowledge your birthday either

And the blaming you for the fact that HE doesnt want sex. After the way he has treated you i think you have more than a right to moan.

The fact that he doesnt want sex is down to him. It is not your fault and he is being abusive to you.

You deserve more than this OP I am absolutely appalled at the way he is treating you.

I know Darkest we agreed he would take it in turns to sleep downstairs as he is the one who snores.To start with it was my idea (sick dd and i was ill so he looked after her as im not great with vom) 12 yrs later im too old for it.We used to just buy a box of chocs for b days and a cake for the dcs benefit.
i bought him clothes the other b day but he still gave me morrisons chocs on a deal or 3 for 2 toilettries.He said he cant do right for wrong and dd and i were discussing what a dreadful yr it has been when he came in and listened for half hr before saying we were bitching.We were trying to work out why he has become much about him.(guess it is the HA).
Im so sorry you get depressed Darkest so im sending you a hug.
No one minds a bit of compromise but when i pointed out sleeping on cushions downstairs or trotting off to work with nothing to look forward to he just says i go on too much.
Why cant i just live in a house with my 2 dcs as i feel lonely already with no support with the angry man.

whatis (((hugs))) to you. Im fine at the moment. I managed to talk to someone in RL yesterday who was non judgemental and was actually more shocked at the lack of intimacy and no sex for years than the fact i once had an affair. Its rare to come across someone like this.

DH is also more short tempered since he had his HA Its all very well for people to say "talk to your husband about things" but when they huff and puff and do a big sigh every time you mention something they dont want to discuss its not easy to do.

I think an HA does affect their behaviour Its affected my Dhs behaviour but its no excuse to treat someone like this.

Hes basically saying that you expressing your feelings is "going on too much" You have a right to express your feelings and say how you feel and he is minimizing them

Why cant i just live in a house with my 2 dcs as i feel lonely already with no support with the angry man?

Also why don't you look around for another job? You are best placed to get another job while in work. In the early nineteen sixties my DM was working in an office where they paid her a third of what the men beside her doing easier jobs were getting and management ignored her complaints as she was in her forties and they reckoned she had to like it or lump it. She not only managed to change jobs but kept on getting promoted until she ended up in top management.

It's never too late to change, OP.

Hi mexican i have applied for 8 already this yr,I did get offered a few but they were similar to what i have.In may exhausted and 8lbs lighter i got offered a pretty good job and a few more hrs by then i was struggling.I couldnt decide so i declined.i then had to take a couple of weeks sick (i never go sick) as i felt between my boss and my DH were driving me nuts.I was right my hubs didnt take anytime off with me and Dads incurable cancer is back and spread or he has another cancer too.IM v pleased for your DM.I dont earn much more than MIn wage although i went to college.

I dont earn much more than MIn wage although i went to college that was the case of my mum too.

Hope things get easier for you.

Thank you :)