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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just don't know what to do.

78 replies

Anniemannie · 21/09/2014 20:35

I've been with my P for a few months now, it's been very relaxed and easy from the start- very few disagreements and we're both rather good at knowing when the other needs a little space. We had some holiday left over and thought we both deserved a break, so booked a gorgeous apartment in a sleepy little Spanish village. His idea, then I did all the planning.

We flew in yesterday, landing about 9pm, and I could see he was tired and on edge, so did my best to make sure the trip to the apartment ran smoothly (despite a delayed flight and missing taxi driver!)

Once we got to the village, the couple we'd rented the apartment off had booked us in at a lovely little restaurant, very laid back and quiet. However from the minute we got into the taxi at the airport he made it very clear he didn't want to go for dinner, so I suggested we go back to the apartment, he could relax there while I went for dinner alone. He continued making a huge issue of how tired he was, despite me repeatedly saying I was more than happy to go alone, and that I didn't want him coming if he didn't feel up to it.

But, for reasons unknown, he came along anyway and proceeded to make the entire meal utterly unbearable- again, telling me how tired, sick, stressed he was- and the only way I could deal with it was to continue being civil to him, reassuring him it was just a couple of tapas' then we could go.

He then started berating me for the amount I drink, saying that that was the reason he was so stressed and "couldn't I see how I was damaging my health". Just to clarify, I had a small glass of white wine and a large bottle of water, I've had no previous substance or alcohol problems and this was the first drink I'd had since Tuesday. When I refused to get into an argument with him he got worse, then stormed out of the restaurant in front of the rest of the customers and left me with the bill.

Since then, he's spent the entire time in the spare bedroom, tried to bait me into another argument about my "alcohol intake" and only spoken to me when he wanted me to get him cigarettes from the shop.

I can't stress enough how out of character this is for him, or at least I didn't know he had this side of him, I just don't know how to react. I'm perfectly happy leaving him to his own devices and enjoying the time I have here alone, but it's difficult when I don't actually know what's wrong. As it stands, I'm going to continue doing all the things I'd planned to, visit all the places I want to, and yes if I want a glass of damn wine I'm going to bloody have one.

I'd prefer for us just to forget about it and enjoy the time we have here, but I'm at a bit of a loss, I was so so excited for this trip. I've seen the good advice you lot dole out, so please- give me some perspective.

OP posts:
Dowser · 14/10/2014 11:00

C'mon Anniemannie!

We need an update...if only to tell us he's dumped and you had a great time being wined and dined by someone far more worthy of your time and attention.

kazzalilli · 14/10/2014 15:58

hi ,i dont know where to start ,or what i need more advice about ,,i met this kind caring loving man online 8 ears ago ,i left my husband for him ,got him to come live here with me hes from egypt ,he was a good man ,or at least thats what i saw at the beginning ,,he just a selfish man who only thinks of him self in reallity ,hes done a complete 360 ,hes terrible he doesnt like my family i have two children from previous relationships ,grown up 26 and 30 ,also have a grandaughter whos 4,the apple of my eye but his ,point of jealousy he breaks her toys ,calls her and them he disrepects me one minute then wants cuddles the next ,he calls me names im dirty ,im not a woman hes going to get another wife ,hes going to do this that and the other if its for him its fine ,anything for me and its hes giving me every thing ,i paid for every thing when we first met ,i paid to get him over here ,hes applying fr another passport ,now to become a british citizen ive filled most of his application ,but theres parts ,that still need completing he mithers me every day to get this finished for him so he can travel to see his cousins in america and bulgaria ,all done the same married germand like his brother to get to germany and then leaves his german wife to shack up with an egyptian woman the also his cousins one was with an elderly lady for many years ,coz he decided one day he wanted children ,dumped her and married egyptian woman and his cousin married a bulgarian had children ,left her for an egyptian ,,i can see the patten forming her he throw it in my face im old now he wants children one day ,and when he deciseds ill be gone any way i cant have any more im 50 now ,things like that he says all the time next time he goes bk to egypt to visit his mother hell come bk married to and egyptian ,ibut now i want him to go he says he wont till he knows ill be able to cope in the house ,myself i beg him to leave every day or hell say u leave meaning me and then when im gone hell give up the house ,this is coz he knows i want the house coz my girls live opposite me ,and he diesnt like it so he wants me to go any where ,so he can just let me loose the house ,he doesnt want it but yet he wont leave i dont know wot to do ,if i had a word with the landlord ,could i get him evicted so he has to leave the house i cant live with the torture anymore im so stressed all the time we constantly argue i never cook clean wash look after him he hates me telling me drop dead every two minutes if i ignore him he finds things to say to rile me again or walks past slaps me on the back ,saying never mind ur gonna be on ur own ,,or hits the chair im sitting on or stands infront of the television so i cant see ,or talks to freinds in arabic loudly while im watching telly or trying to sleep ,im at my wits end twice now i have almost attacked him with a knife coz hes gone on and on theres no let up with him unless he wants something and then he tries to be nice let start again being niv=ce ,,i know it wont last thats why i dont do it ,the last straw was when he slapped me in the kitchen for shouting back at him ,he said i desrve it ,,sence is telling me too run ,but i need this house ,to live i dont want to be a burden on my girls ,any advice would be appreciated ,thanks ,im sorry ive gone on a bit with this

yetanotherchange · 15/10/2014 08:43

kazz you're being used and abused.

you can get help to get out (or get him out)

can I suggest you start your own thread in relationships - this is an old one.

Also when you copy and paste put in some punctuation and some paragraphs cos it's sooooo difficult to read otherwise Flowers

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