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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just don't know what to do.

78 replies

Anniemannie · 21/09/2014 20:35

I've been with my P for a few months now, it's been very relaxed and easy from the start- very few disagreements and we're both rather good at knowing when the other needs a little space. We had some holiday left over and thought we both deserved a break, so booked a gorgeous apartment in a sleepy little Spanish village. His idea, then I did all the planning.

We flew in yesterday, landing about 9pm, and I could see he was tired and on edge, so did my best to make sure the trip to the apartment ran smoothly (despite a delayed flight and missing taxi driver!)

Once we got to the village, the couple we'd rented the apartment off had booked us in at a lovely little restaurant, very laid back and quiet. However from the minute we got into the taxi at the airport he made it very clear he didn't want to go for dinner, so I suggested we go back to the apartment, he could relax there while I went for dinner alone. He continued making a huge issue of how tired he was, despite me repeatedly saying I was more than happy to go alone, and that I didn't want him coming if he didn't feel up to it.

But, for reasons unknown, he came along anyway and proceeded to make the entire meal utterly unbearable- again, telling me how tired, sick, stressed he was- and the only way I could deal with it was to continue being civil to him, reassuring him it was just a couple of tapas' then we could go.

He then started berating me for the amount I drink, saying that that was the reason he was so stressed and "couldn't I see how I was damaging my health". Just to clarify, I had a small glass of white wine and a large bottle of water, I've had no previous substance or alcohol problems and this was the first drink I'd had since Tuesday. When I refused to get into an argument with him he got worse, then stormed out of the restaurant in front of the rest of the customers and left me with the bill.

Since then, he's spent the entire time in the spare bedroom, tried to bait me into another argument about my "alcohol intake" and only spoken to me when he wanted me to get him cigarettes from the shop.

I can't stress enough how out of character this is for him, or at least I didn't know he had this side of him, I just don't know how to react. I'm perfectly happy leaving him to his own devices and enjoying the time I have here alone, but it's difficult when I don't actually know what's wrong. As it stands, I'm going to continue doing all the things I'd planned to, visit all the places I want to, and yes if I want a glass of damn wine I'm going to bloody have one.

I'd prefer for us just to forget about it and enjoy the time we have here, but I'm at a bit of a loss, I was so so excited for this trip. I've seen the good advice you lot dole out, so please- give me some perspective.

OP posts:
Anniemannie · 21/09/2014 21:16

God I wish I could ship one of you lot out as a replacement.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/09/2014 21:33

Op you have to call him in this or it'll ruin your week. Don't wait till you get home to tell him that he has behaved like an arse and your relationship is over.

Do it calmly and brook no argument from him. If needs be, get the couple who own the apartment to help you get him out.

Good luck and I truly hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday. I love holidaying alone.

MoJangled · 21/09/2014 21:33

I've been on that holiday. I tried to nice it out in the hope that it would rub off, and ended up frazzled and sobbing. I wish I'd told him to leave if he couldn't be nice. I'd have had a much better time. Maybe you would too?

AnyFucker · 21/09/2014 21:36

< packs bags >

< checks has sleep bra >

< books flight >

RandomMess · 21/09/2014 21:38

Too late ladies, I'm already checking in at the airport!

mineofuselessinformation · 21/09/2014 21:42

I think he was expecting a start-of-the-holiday shag, and when you made it clear that you had other plans, went into a mega-sulk. (Tbf, he should have made it clear, but it's the only thing that makes any sense to me - and I'm not saying it's right.)
See what his behaviour is like in the morning (if you feel like it). If he's truly sorry, maybe give him a break, if not, let him know you're going to enjoy your holiday anyway, and he'll be sleeping on the sofa.

IndiaKnightGarden · 21/09/2014 21:43

A sleep bra??

321Go · 21/09/2014 21:43

I could have written an almost identical post 11 years ago. I so almost took my passport, hopped on a bus and toured the country we were in, before meeting him back at the airport.
Instead, I pandered to him and stayed.
My life now might be so much more straightforward if I had.
3 kids later, we are now separated.
Don't take any nonsense. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't.
And if this holiday is a write-off, it's a small sacrifice for a better future for you.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2014 21:45

yes, a sleep bra

love me, love my sleep bra

IndiaKnightGarden · 21/09/2014 21:48

I love you AND your sleep bra, AF.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2014 21:51
Smile
IndiaKnightGarden · 21/09/2014 21:56

Let us know how you get on OP. I hope you manage to have a fab holiday in spite of his twattish sulking.

Anniemannie · 21/09/2014 22:04

I love you all. Off to bed now (in the large king size bedroom with mountain views and french doors to the terrace while he sulks in the single room, poor boy. Hope his air con is working now Wink)

You've all been fantastic, it's like having a group vent with close friends without having to brush my hair, although I have to say I have absolutely NO IDEA what a sleep bra is- you sophisticated fucker AF.

I shall keep you updated.

Night Metters! Xx

OP posts:
WorldWildWifeFund · 21/09/2014 22:05

He's either a complete twat, or has been so severely offended that he can't yet talk about it. Perhaps he's been offended that you did all the planning (aka took control)? I have known men who felt offended to be in a car driven by a woman. On second thoughts, he's a twat either way.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2014 22:07

sleep bra

LovesPeace · 21/09/2014 22:10

There's two rooms? Excellent. I'd just mentally 'vanish' him, and holiday alone.

If he spoke, I'd be civil, but not overly engaged.

Do have a lovely time.

Anniemannie · 21/09/2014 22:10

They look remarkably comfy (and also like the 'bralets' Topshop have so vehemently promoted as 'outerwear' in recent years)

Are they for comfort or necessity?

OP posts:
IndiaKnightGarden · 21/09/2014 22:14

I'm totally getting one of those.

Thank God your stbx is a cock, OP. Otherwise I'd never have discovered sleep bras!

basgetti · 21/09/2014 22:15

My god they do maternity sleep bras, I love you AF!

Sorry for hijack OP, hope you are okay x

GlowWithLight · 21/09/2014 22:16

I have a lovely vision of loads of MNers jostling for position in an airport, all doing the pick me dance Grin
AF I have never heard of sleep bras. Every day is a school day

OP I hope you manage to have a bearable time, come and vent on here if he's a twat, don't suffer in silence. I agree MN is wonderful.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2014 22:20

Sleep bras are my number one must-pack necessity.

Forget the travel plug, my boobs must nestle warmly in comfort and gentle support as I sleep !

Diagonally · 21/09/2014 22:26

Any chance you could hook up with a devilishly handsome Spanish waiter while you are there, and bring him back to share that lovely king size bed, and view? Grin

kinkyfuckery · 21/09/2014 22:28

If I bring an extra sleep bra, can I come too?

Springheeled · 21/09/2014 22:34

OP, I have had this holiday! You sound a hell of a lot more sensible than me (I tried to make it right, but with these men that's entirely self defeating) don't pander to any of his shit and have a fab time enjoying Spain!

IfNotNowThenWhen · 21/09/2014 22:37

I have worn sleep bras for years, and totally know that feeling of panic if I forget to pack one. I simply cannot sleep unfettered, since I had the dc. Don't know why. I swear it keeps em perky though! Sorry your boyfriend turned out to be a dud OP. Hope you get some sun anyway. And a hot waiter.