Just HOW can people do this?.

[MrsBoldon]

I've been involved in an affair but didn't know I was!. It was a mostly long distance thing and I was convinced he was single.

Well he's not. And not only that, he got married LAST WEEKEND. It's shit when any body cheats but what kind of utter arsehole does it around their wedding?. Surely you're supposed to be happy and in love not looking elsewhere!?.

I now know that on his fucking actual wedding day he sent me an e-mail about how in love with me he is, we're soulmates, wants to marry me one day blah blah puke.

I just find it so disturbing. HOW can you do that to people? How is anyone capable of that level of deceit?. Now I just feel so, so stupid that I could believe someone like that and that I could fall in love with them.

What does that make me? (other than a gullible fool). I can't wrap my head around any of this and just feel sick to my stomach.

Just HOW do they do it?.

Right on, Pedant. I'll take both of those AND the total sense of invincibility you can only have at that age.

Ella, Thumb and Line. Thank you.

The stupid thing is that at work my nickname is 'Spideymrsboldon' as in I have 'extra senses' as a MH assessor and if you give me a few hours with someone, they'll open up to me so I'll get to the heart of the issue'.

And you're right, I do that at work because my boundaries are solid but in my personal life I seem to be blind.

I am an incredibly strong person. Have been through so much and seen the worst of humanity in my life and others. I'd cry at work all the time hearing about people's lives and that's not a positive attribute in a MH professional so now I can only cry about anything if I'm pissed!.

So doing that now. I know I need to cry it out even if it's not how I usually am.

Thank you ladies for letting me be weak xx

Weak must be the new strong, then, OP, because you sound amazing.

Cross post with lots of lovely MN etters.

I've lived my life as the one that always looked after everyone else and I'm good at that and it's not a bad thing either!.

I don't do 'vulnerable' in RL. I probably never will. Thank you ALL of you on this thread for letting me do that xx

You're not weak, it's just part of the healing process. You cry, then you get sick of crying, then you tell yourself....enough.

It's never a bad thing to be good at looking after people - so long as you include yourself in that! So yes, allow yourself to be as vulnerable as you need to and then look after yourself with kindness until you start to feel better xx

I'm not sure if this applies at all, but you mentioned you are the one to look out for other people. I am reading a book called Women Who Love Too Much. It is helping see why I pick the men I do, or why I accept their perusal of me.

It's certainly is not your fault. Are you going to dump him because if he can cheat on his (not even wife at the time) then he will cheat on you).
Poor you and his poor wife.

MrsBolden please accept a big hug from me, he is beyond contempt and you sound like a great person. Love is blind, such a cliche but very true....
You deserve a lot better, if I was a RL friend, I'd be found with a takeaway and a few bottles of wine about now. Walk away with your dignity, mourn the facade he'd created and live the life that you imagine for yourself.
Choose Happy! That's what I tell myself everyday