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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Its the last night - hand hold

29 replies

thelastnight · 19/09/2014 22:35

Been married for 26 years, tired, exhausted, but I think ready to end.

So many issues, I am a victim of sexual abuse, from more than one person, first person I told him about, he hit me and said why did I do it? i should have left then I know that now.

I never told him anymore, but my sister did, another torrent of abuse! rejection and anger towards me.

Why,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, because he loves me apparently! cant bear the thought of me being hurt, so gets angry.

Masses of issues, I will give you a few

I'm too fat to have sex with (on my birthday, present i've never forgotten)

I sent a "sexy" text, apparently sex abuse victims dont do that? (give me the script and I will act it out then...not)

Loads of other stuff along the same line, but tonight massive argument and he physically assaulted me, denied it, blamed me and worse than that he told me DS2 hated me.....I thought me and DS2 had a great relationship, myself and DS1 have a dreadful relationship,but so does he with him too. but that hurt, ds2 and I are close.

I am bruised and I am hurt, which he is saying I am making up. Previously told me I am at fault from physical abuse as I bruise easily, so it doesn't really count????

I will go tomorrow. I am financially able to, emotionally ready now, but still damn scared.

Please hold my hand, my bruised neck, my sore back and everything else that hurts. I never fought back, I just kept saying, please stop you are hurting me.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 19/09/2014 22:37

Thanks I'm sure someone wiser than be will post but...ye gads....I'd be calling the police about now. Where is he now? Do your injuries need medical attention? Are the DS's ok etc?

Look after yourself x

Littlefish · 19/09/2014 22:40

Please call the police and then make sure you go to a place to safety.

Wishing you strength.

Original poster
thelastnight · 19/09/2014 22:40

He's downstairs and calm, thank you!

I'm ok physically now, but scared and know it's my last night in this home!

My head is ready to actually explode

OP posts:
NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 19/09/2014 22:41

Please don't wait till tomorrow. Phone the police now. You have injuries. You need this documented. Otherwise you will have no grounds to stop him having unsupervised contact with your DC.

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 19/09/2014 22:43

You don't have to sit scared in your home. Get the police to take him away.

Otherwise, where will you and the DC go tomorrow? What about school etc?

You have done nothing wrong. He should be he one to leave.

And I'm worried for the safety of yourself and your DC.

HumblePieMonster · 19/09/2014 22:44

Please hold my hand, my bruised neck, my sore back and everything else that hurts. I never fought back

no, don't fight back, it makes them worse. phone the police, if you think you will be safe to do so.

I am so sorry that all this, over the years, has happened to you.

hand holds and flowers Thanks

Original poster
thelastnight · 19/09/2014 22:46

I bruised but ok, after he done it,hand around throat, pushing me and grabbing pinching etc he instantly turned to "you made me do it' when he went to pull my pj bottoms off me I said'i will call the police' he stopped! IGrin will never allow myself to be sexually abused again!i would rather killmyself

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 19/09/2014 22:46

You are being very brave, but,
Can you go to a safe place, now ?
Do you have a friend you can call?
Do you have cuts and bruises you can photograph ?

Do as the others advise and call the police then you have the abuse on record.

Hand holding.....

RachaelAgnes · 19/09/2014 22:49

Please call the police, make yourself safe tonight - please don't spend a night awake and scared

morethanpotatoprints · 19/09/2014 23:03

OP

So many years of this, you are so brave.
Please take the advice and phone the Police, he won't make any trouble as he won't be expecting you to do it now.
How old are your children? Do they need to be in school on Monday?
Will it not be better for you to keep in the house.
My thoughts are with you, so sorry you have had to endure this for so long Thanks

Ledkr · 19/09/2014 23:10

Good god you poor thing. Are you really going to do it? I did it too many years ago, my life has been lovely since.
I waited to feel sad but I never did,I only felt relief and peace and freedom.

The hand around the throat is a very dangerous sign by the way, please leave like you say you will.

Good luck.

Travelledtheworld · 19/09/2014 23:14

You Ok ?

Original poster
thelastnight · 19/09/2014 23:15

Children are above school age, I guess that's why I feel ready now?

My thinking is....get a bedsit and live in such peace and then he will have to sell house. He will have to share 50/50 but I will be able to afford 2 bed rental so he can do whatever
'

It's over, I'm finished with him, boys will be with me if they need to!

I will now get counselling for sexual abuse issues, his was worse than anything and he said he loved me!

I sound brave now but I'm shit scared!".

Thank youxxx

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 19/09/2014 23:20

You are doing great.
Does anyone else know you are going to leave ?

ColdCottage · 19/09/2014 23:28

ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks
You are brave and right to leave.

Please find additional support. Women's aid will be able to point you in the right direction.

Stay strong, you are a good person and deserve to live a safe, happy, secure life without fear and with love and support.

Take care and let us know how you get on tomorrow. We will be here if you have a wobble.

MummyIsMagic79 · 19/09/2014 23:33

???????????????? A hand held here. You're very brave. You don't deserve this horrible man xx

jackydanny · 19/09/2014 23:36

Don't let on to him that you are leaving.
Don't believe that DS hates you either, he may feel scared too.

Please consider calling the police, perhaps he will understand better whose fault this is when he is locked up.

You poor thing.
Hugs.

whitsernam · 19/09/2014 23:37

OP please, at some point, do call and report him to police. So he can't do this to someone else in the future. Please.

And most importantly of all, do take care of yourself. You do not deserve this kind of bad treatment; no one could possibly deserve it.

DaughterDilemma · 19/09/2014 23:44

Call the police. He needs to be locked up for your and everyone else's safety.

Be careful and hide these threads. Just dial 999.

purplemeggie · 19/09/2014 23:45

Keep strong, brave girl. We are here, holding your hand. We are standing behind you. Take care of yourself, and keep safe.

noddingoff · 19/09/2014 23:47

Good luck with your new life OP. I hope you get somewhere peaceful to go. Hand holding for all the sore bits and your little flame of courage that won't need to be hidden much longer.

ShoeWhore · 19/09/2014 23:49

Another hand to hold OP. You sound very brave.

YY to calling the police though. Worried about your safety.

GarlicSeptimus · 19/09/2014 23:51

Oh, poor you, last. I'm sorry you've been through this.

I'm worried you're underestimating his anger and the amount of protection you need. Grabbing your throat is a very bad sign, as Ledkr says, and you're also downplaying the extent of his violence just now (easily done when you live in the middle of it, and all the more dangerous for that.)

If you get the police to come round tonight - OK, there may be a delay as it's Friday night, but make them come - they will remove him for at least the rest of the night. That gives you breathing space to figure out whether you're going to leave (and where to) or get him banned from the house. It also registers his abuse legally, which you will need in the future. Something else you'll need is RL support, and plenty of it. Ring WA after you've spoken to the cops, then figure out which of your friends & family you can trust.

Thinking of you.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/09/2014 00:01

I'm glad you are leaving, but so sorry at what you have had to endure to get to that point.

I agree that you need to involve the police. Whether it's calling 999 tonight or making a report tomorrow after you are gone. Tonight, though, you need to make your plan. Do you have all your important papers? Do you have a place to go? Do you have access to money to keep you until you get into a new living space?

The first thing you need to do tomorrow is call WA for help and then a solicitor for legal advice.

Vivacia · 20/09/2014 03:53

Call the police.