TMI - sex advice needed

[goingontop]

Ok, name changed for this

Looks like I will be DTD tonight. I'm usually fine and comfortable with sex, not shy and open to new things.

My problem is going on top which I really want to be able to do, but I can't. I just can't. I just cannot get past the idea that I must look absolutely ridiculous.

Now (I know I must sound like a right stubborn cow) if I chat to a friend about this I often hear "guys really aren't going to notice chubby bits" "you look great from that angle" - I just think, how????? I'm a bit chubby (I wouldn't say I'm technically overweight) but this position is so unflattering for me and so hard to relax in. It's so much effort to constantly be sucking in my belly, I wish I could just not care (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with chubbiness or big bellies by the way, I'm not shy about mine at all, it's just in this particular position) but how is he going to fancy me from looking up, especially my chin which must look so stupid.

I also never know how to move or what to do with my hands. And I want to be able to take my bra off, my boobs are quite big and I do like them, but because they're big they're not perky AT ALL so i just think he's going to struggle not to laugh at me in that postion :(

Any advice or comments very gratefully received, as I would love to be able to do this like normal girls without wanting to cry and I'm desperately nervous about tonight!!

Mystery I will be making sure there is at least semi darkness that's for sure!

Thanks kitten that is really reassuring. I hope I didn't make it sound like I was sceptical that bigger girls could be sexy or anything, I'm well aware this is just my own insecurity. But you're right, drawing attention to it will not help at all

Believe me, as PPs have said, if he fancies you he won't worry about your body half as much as you do. Besides if you are on top he can play with your boobs whilst you are DTD, which speaking as a man is double the fun.

Reverse cowgirl is good, though personally I like to be able to see each others face.

BTW I'd lay odds that my girlfriend is larger than you, going on top is not an option as she has a dodgy knee, she worries about her tummy so normally wears a slip or keeps her nightie on her lower body.

I hate being on top! I'm super lazy so all that work doesn't interest me in the slightest!

If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it!

I personally am not a fan of darkness. If I am about to sleep with a woman for the first time it is because I think she is bloody gorgeous (amongst other things) so darkness is not something I want!

Depending on how wild/frisky he is and how long he can go on for, girl on top may not happen the first time TBH.

1. Sex in the dark is fantastic IMO - if you feel freer and more sensual in the dark, go with it. Or have a landing light on so there's just a glimmer on your curves.
2. If going on top doesn't do much for you, I'd wait for him to ask for it - why PLAN to do a position that isn't your favourite? I don't mind doing stuff for other people but they can damn well speak up about it.

what kitten said re the mechanics of it - exactly that. Also a slip or vest top with shoulder straps that slip down can be an option if you really want to hide certain bits. And I always like to have a couple of decent glasses of red first just to take away any bit of self consciousness. Have a fab time x

Does anybody honestly think he's gonna complain???

Thanks again all - what about the actual movement, I find it so hard to get into a proper rhythm and when I tried it with my ex it kept slipping out and he was pretty big so I think it was down to my movements.

And neil I do! Haha

Also I know he wouldn't sleep with me unless he thought I was attractive, I guess I'm just nervous because he hasn't really seen my figure properly without flattering clothes!

Is he the image of a Greek statue?
Seriously, stop fretting. The pair of you should be in for a treat.

He should be able to feel his length so shouldn't slip out? If you are errr pumping frantically it may happen but he should be able to lift his hips up to keep inside?

I think I'll back away before people start drawing diagrams.

Your man would probably confess that he actually prefers you with a bit of meat on, rather than a skinny model-type slip of a thing. My Dh actually gets turned on by my flabby bits, (my boobs descend alarmingly south and wobble dangerously near his nose), but while I'm blushing with the shame of it, he's obviously in Fatty Heaven. It's us women who are obsessed with 'slim, trim and toned', but men are (in my limited experience) far more sensual and earthy. What isn't sexy at all is a woman worried by how she's looking instead of enjoying the (literally) ride!

thanks all, fingers crossed it goes well

I told you the movements (oh god why was I so graphic).

I think a common mistake is to try and do the thrusting movements men do. If you think about it, the way everything is lined up is reversed from that. He has to thrust down and forward for full penetration(that's the direction of your vagina). It's not quite the same when you flip over. His penis is now pointing the complete opposite way, sort of. You need to kind of go down and back along it for full penetration. Sit there with your fingers making shapes for a few minutes and a bit of imagination and you'll work out what I mean. If you copy a man's thrusting movement you arent any where near where you need to be. (although it's more ok once he's inside you securely!).

I think that's why it's been slipping out for you before.

Ooh, KentishGirl, I like the sound of number 3. Shame DP isn't over tonight lol

"I think I'll back away before people start drawing diagrams"

I can do better than diagrams Neil, here's a
website full of animations of sex positions

Livid, that's hilarious. Right, I better make sure my date tomorrow goes well...!

"The Crab" doesn't look too appealing for either party. Fair enough that he's getting a nice view but she'll just get a slimy back. Some of those positions just look like a game of naked twister.
Positions for the sake of positions.

I am 5 stone over weight after having dd ...i feel terrible my tummy is big and flabby and my boobs are saggy...

i really enjoy being on top as its the way i find most pleasurable .. dp completely understands i ask him to keep his hands off my tummy and when im ontop he either has his eyes cloesed or looking into my eyes .... (i dont tell him to do this he just does ).

if i am sitting upright i put my hands on his chest but i hate this it does make me feel gross but i just pretend im skinny lol weird i know but it works ...

when i begin to get really self concious i just lean forward into his neck so he cant see my body

hope this helps

Well, I love to go caving so I guess you could say I am a fan of darkness. But in terms of sex if a woman really preferred her body not be seen by me I would rather be blindfolded, not kept in the dark. The alternative would be to crack our heads together, poke one anothers eyes... men dont much fancy a ruptured penis from fumbling around in the dark.

If, however, its a step beyond that, a case of it being dark so you dont see yourself- you really have to work very very hard to stay away from crafting that personal hell pit for yourself. That kind of thinking, over time, you can arrive at a place where, to survive, you let your own libido wither.. sex is no longer a time of shared passion, it becomes 'just' sex, not a delight but a chore. Or you just kill off desire completely.

Even if you still have a libido, once you arrive at a point where you have a low enough opinion of your own body, regardless of what it actually looks like to a prospective partner, any man who comes across as interested in it is not valued more, they are devalued and dismissed as a turd after cheap sex, because the thing you believe you have to offer is a shit body... so ultimately what else could they be but a turd after a cheap fuck for themselves.

@deckoff