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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Pregnant, in an abusive relationship nowhere to go

32 replies

WhatToDo92 · 15/09/2014 14:12

I'm 22 about 7/8 weeks pregnant. I don't want to stay with this guy because I am worried about my baby's and my safety. He is very controlling, i've become very isolated, i'm depressed and constantly anxious to the point where I can't even function in the real world. I have no friends, no family to rely on so I have nowhere else to stay. I've tried calling Shelter, National Domestic Hotline and left them messages. No one has got back to me. I don't know anything about emergency accommodation or social housing, I don't even know who else to call, I'm clueless. I'm really desperate at the moment, i've packed all my stuff, he's out the house and I want to leave right now, otherwise i'll never leave and I know i'll regret it.

OP posts:

AltheaVestrit · 15/09/2014 14:18

Can you call Women's Aid as a matter of urgency? They have seen and heard of every scenario to do with abusive relationships. They have the resources to help you today.

I'll come back when I know what the number is if you can't google it yourself.

Chopstheduck · 15/09/2014 14:21

0808 2000 247 for womens aid. You can also try contacting the local housing office, as in housing benefits - I think I went there (11 years ago!) and they contacted Women's Aid for me and got a refuge place. Good luck and take care of yourself and your little one xx

AltheaVestrit · 15/09/2014 14:21

Women's Aid 0808 800 0340

Phone them NOW. If there's no answer (they're very busy) email them and say exactly what's in your post. They will call you back.

Original poster

WhatToDo92 · 15/09/2014 14:36

Thank you so much for the replies. So far I've called up 4 numbers and left messages so just waiting for a call back.

I don't know what to do whilst I wait. I have work at 5pm, but I obviously can't go in I need to leave asap.

OP posts:

chocolaterainbow · 15/09/2014 14:37

As others have already said give women's aid a ring and get yourself out now. I've worked with them and they are a wonderful organisation, really. You won't be judged or made to feel stupid, there really supportive and have access to loads of resources. When leaving make sure you take important documents that you may need down the line, bank stuff, passport, medical, anything and everything you can stuff in your handbag! Try to leave before he gets back, otherwise you may put yourself in danger. Wishing you all the best, it'll be hard but for yourself and the baby, run and don't ever look back lady!

Granville72 · 15/09/2014 14:39

Can you get yourself in to a B&B for the night?

Original poster

WhatToDo92 · 15/09/2014 14:40

Chocolaterainbow

If I walk out the front door, I won't know where to go.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 15/09/2014 14:54

To a police station.
Ask for the DV unit and tell them what you have told us.
Get there with your bags.
They may have ways to help you.
What time is your partner due home?

Granville72 · 15/09/2014 15:16

Police, B&B, anywhere that isn't the same house as him.

Hopefully you will get a call back soon with some help. Your local Police station should be able to help and at least you will be safe there.

Don't stay just because you think you have no where to go. Tell work what is going on, they may even be able to help and the last thing you need is getting the sack because you haven't been honest with them.

DHandhisgrossfoot · 15/09/2014 15:19

Just leave, now. Pack and go. Honestly that is the hardest part, once you've done that everything gets easier.

guinnessgirl · 15/09/2014 15:31

Oh OP, I feel for you. You are stronger than you think. I echo what others have already said - take everything important and get out NOW. Go to the police. We are all willing you on and are here for you

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 15/09/2014 15:51

Yes, go to a police station and speak to the DV team.

flanjabelle · 15/09/2014 15:58

Definitely go to a police station, they can get you the help straight away.

Good luck op. you can do this.

chocolaterainbow · 15/09/2014 18:48

There's always somewhere to go. Try shelter, their emergency housing advice number is 0808 800 4444 (open until 8pm). They will take your situation seriously and help you leave. There will also be (local?) charities that can put you in short term accommodation in an emergency, and shelter will have a list of these for your area.
What time is your partner due back? Make sure you leave in plenty of time and then don't tell him where you are going, and don't go back under any circumstances.

chocolaterainbow · 15/09/2014 18:53

PS, I've left a similar situation to yours, but I stayed until Ds was two months old, wish I'd had the sense and strength you have to leave when I was pregnant. EXP pushed me about while I was pregnant, I finally left him after he strangled me while I was feeding DS on the sofa, because although DS was only about 9 weeks old he sensed the fear in me and cried like he never had before. Please just go, it'll be the best thing you ever did

Adarajames · 17/09/2014 22:58

Hello What2do92
Are you ok? Have you managed to get in touch with WA or the DV unit at your local police? Hope your're safe x

Original poster

WhatToDo92 · 18/09/2014 18:28

Thank you ALL again for your supportive replies.

I moved in to a women's refuge this morning. Luckily my ex didn't hurt me. I'm feeling very numb and i'm crying a lot. I'm having doubts about keeping this pregnancy too, I really don't think I can do this. I just want a fresh start in life, but I don't want to deal with the regret either so I'm stuck. :(

OP posts:

MaryBerrysLostCherry · 18/09/2014 20:17

You are a brave woman. Well done.

Curiouslygrumpycola · 18/09/2014 20:20

Well done for making such a brave decision and acting on it.

Do you have anyone to talk about your pregnancy with?

mutternutter · 18/09/2014 20:27

You are so brave. It will take time but so worth it

TravellingToad · 18/09/2014 20:28

You are INCREDIBLY brave and an inspiration. Is there anyone at the refuge you can speak to?

Adarajames · 18/09/2014 22:47

We'll done! I am so pleased you are safe and I really hope you're pleased / proud of yourself for taking the huge scary step and getting out of the dangerous situation. Regards the pregnancy, only you can decide what you want to do, but it might help to talk over all the options / possibilities with someone, I'm sure if you ask the refuge staff they can point you to someone that can help you with it. Warm hugs for you x

Chopstheduck · 19/09/2014 09:51

well done you xx

It will be hard, and there may well be days when you wonder if you did the right thing, but one day you will look back at it and it will be one of the best things you ever did.

Ask the ppl at the refuge to arrange counselling for you. You don't have to rush into a decision about the pg yet. You sound like you could really benefit from talking things through with someone and taking some time to come to a decision.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/09/2014 10:03

Well done for getting away.
This is going to be a tough time for you.
You have so much on your plate.
But one bite a time.
You've done the biggest by far.
Now see if you can talk to someone there and get all your options on the table.
As said previously. Only you can make the decision regarding this pregnancy. A lot of people on here are pro choice. So you choose what is best for you right now.
Your life will be so much better very soon.

Keep going and keep strong.
for you and a very un-MN-y ((((((HUG))))))

Fairylea · 19/09/2014 10:05

What a brave woman you are. Please make use of the support available to you including speaking to your gp if you are feeling very low. Counselling and midwife support are vital at these early stages.

Do you have any family or friends you can speak to? Well done for getting out.

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