advise needed

[meatpie]

My Wife is a housewife, every morning she argues with me that I get up and have a shower, while she feeds the kids and gets them ready for school, once I finish getting ready (for work) I try and help with dressing the kids.

is she out of order to demand that I help fully, given that after they are at school, she had the day to herself, where as I have a 8 hour stint in front of me?

Is it wrong that I want a shower and a cup of tea, before I leave home?

The thing is, it doesn't matter how much either of you have to do the rest of the day, the children have to be dressed, fed and transported to school by a certain time. If your children, like mine, are, er, how shall I say this, resistant to the process, it's fucking hard work and two pairs of hands would be very helpful. Most mornings DH is out walking the dog while I start the child wrangling, but as soon as he gets back he mucks in so that we can get them in a suitable state to be out of the door by 8:30. If he sat there having a leisurely cup of tea while I was screaming like a harridan at DD2 to put down her toys and get dressed, the marriage would not last long.

Your wife has sacrificed her future earning potential, her long-term financial security and her independence to raise your children and allow you to pursue your career without having to deal with the logistical nightmare that is childcare. Show some fucking respect for what she has given up for you and help her when she asks you to. If there are days when work means you can't help then I'm sure she'll understand. But to say you can't help her ever because some days you might be busy is just crazy.

If you are out, you are out. But when you are at home, parenting is a joint responsibility.

Whether your wife works or not is irrelevant. It is a separate discussion. It sounds like you resent her being at home, but equally say she can't work because of your hours. So you are using your ability to have an inconvenient job and complete, utterly flexible wrap around childcare as a stick to beat her with to avoid pulling your weight in the mornings.