Can’t sleep because of a girl

[Theanonguy]

Hi I'm a 27 year old guy but I thought I'd ask Mumsnet since you might have some good ideas on what to do re the girl.

This has to stop now. I’ve been seeing a girl for 3 weeks now and whilst I’m really quite fond of her, what has tied in almost exactly is a distinct loss of sleep. I’ve gone from about 7 hours to 4-5 hours, every night, day after day. I’ve gone from usually passing out at 10:30/11 and waking up at 6:30 to going to sleep at about 10 and then waking up at about 2am and from then on its patchy sleep until about 5:30 after which I can’t go back to sleep.

Shes quite paranoid because shes been messed about before which I think is part of the attraction for me, shes real sweet, bombarding me with texts full of x’s and this started from day one, day after day. I don’t know quite what I’ve gotten myself into but thinking about not seeing her just plain sucks in comparison to seeing her.

So is there anything I can do about this? I prepare as well as possible (I think) for bed, eat well, stop tv etc at 8:30pm, get in bed at 9:30 but it makes no difference to my sleep after 2am. I am sleeping very well from 10pm to 2am which is what’s keeping my fit enough to do my job but I know my work IS suffering which is ultimately the main importance in my life by a mile.

I’ve taken a day off work today to fix this and I’ll be asking this on many forums + seeing the doc today. Thanks for any advice.

You're not sleeping because you are going to bed at 10pm and you are a young, fit man. That's a child's bedtime!

Add to that your mixed up feelings over this girl and your over-dramatisation (day off work?!!!!) no wonder you are all over the place.

Well it's just a half day off now. I was hoping I could sleep for some of the day but no way that's happening, I just can't sleep. Me going to bed at 10 was a result of me waking up at 5am every day.

Dr Connolly's on your mind a lot. Dear boy!

Maybe it's this flitting from one obsession to another wots doing it, what?

Besides, waking up at 5am means I just go into work and get there hours earlier. I still somehow work quite well, probably because I get good sleep from 10-2.

Yeah Dr Connolly is one hot piece of *

Oh dear... and you were doing so well ..

Was I? I thought I was doing terrible. Oh well thanks for all your help. :)

Will you be posting on Loveshack this time?

If you were a female writing this about a male on this site then the resounding response would be....

RUN FOR THE HILLS
THEY ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I would also say run. Seriously, it does not sound healthy for either of you.

It's not healthy that she's so paranoid that she sends you billions of needy messages a day. And it shouldn't be cute to you. The fact that you not only recognise the unhealthy root if her behaviour but actively like it is very bizarre and yes, creepy.

Assuming this is genuine, not being able to sleep is often a sign of anxiety and that something is wrong or you are very 'amped up'. Like your subconscious is trying to tell you something. Especially because when you thought it was off, you slept like a baby. That says so much!
From what you've said about this person they do sound too intense and a bit needy, so I would back off as as someone said upthread, they are probably not going to be a back burner kind of gal, so you may have to be all out rather than all in. Don't mess them around.

'creepy'

A cursory look at threads on Relationships will tell you that there are a lot of people stuck in bad marriages and partnerships, experiencing horrible behaviour sometimes, and who put it down to the other person having 'issues'. They're stuck because they think all the other person needs to be a nice normal human being is more TLC. There's even a book called 'Women Who Love Too Much' to describe the phenomenon. Are all those people 'creepy'?

If you wake at 5am, try an 11-11.30pm bedtime. I'd also limit the time on work's social media. HTH.

This isn't about people stuck in bad marriages. This is about what sounds like a rather young man being attracted to someone because they're paranoid and damaged by a previous relationship.

There's a huge difference between the two. I seriously doubt that the majority of people stuck in bad relationships started off with telling their friends "hey, I've just met a wonderful guy. He's paranoid and messed up and you know what? I like that!"

I agree.... what those people probably said was more like. "I've just met this wonderful guy and he has such sad eyes.... and he told me all about his terrible ex girlfriend and what a psycho she was and how he finds it so hard to trust women ..... but how I'm 'the one' & he's so in love with me already that he can't stop thinking about me.... awwww...bless....."

Mate, you need to start to learn the allure of a woman who's comfortable in her own skin. Not a young girl who goes 0 to 1000 and dresses it up in flattery. Never, ever ends well.

You're not sleeping cos your subconscious is well worried. It would be right.

Go and ask in the health fora. This probably has nothing to do with the relationship per se, which may be just a trigger, and more to do with stress, energy levels, changed routine, etc. Stick around here and you'll end up either blaming her or blaming yourself.

Or better still go and see the doctor

she sounds needy. It might be cute at first but it wont be for long

Cogito, he likes her being all needy and clingy because it makes him feel good. He knows she's needy because she's paranoid and been treated badly but it still forms part of her appeal. Hell yes I think that's creepy! It's not the same as someone with a rescue complex I don't think. This is a guy who has fallen for the cute, vulnerable, needy woman schtick and loves it. Grim.

Hi OP

If you can separate out whether you are attracted to this girl because you have a rescue complex and like to help people in need, or whether you find the anxious behaviour of this girl attractive in itself, that might help you understand your reactions in this relationship and future ones.

I have definitely had a rescue complex in the past and have not had a really good relationship until I decided to be practical and found somebody who didn't need rescuing. Maybe rescuees need other support like friendship or counselling and are not relationship material until they have learned to be more emotionally independent

Cog your version doesn't sound any better

That comment by BOF is just about the funniest I have read all week, apart from that OP who thought her husband's friend was in love with her after she was nasty to him. Cheers for that.

I wonder when posters (in general) will stop replying in all good faith to what are quite obviously very strange people here to wind up the mummies right from the off.

It's ok to not take everyone at absolutely face value. Some of them are odd, and it's very, very easy to spot. Seriously.

AF I think odd people need support too, and I for one, am far far too stupid to tell the difference between a troll OP and a genuine OP. So I err on the safe side while I am learning! :-)