I met a guy online and we have been seeing each other for 3 months.
We have loads in common, and get on really well. We have similar views and opinions on most things, and he is successful within his profession with a nice house etc. He has 2 dc (as do I), and he is absolutely devoted to them and has joint residency despite them living in another country.
His dc stayed for 6 weeks over the summer, so obviously during that time we didn't see much of each other, as it's way too early for them (or mine) to know we are together. However we did meet a few times with the dc, who all just think me and him are friends.
We talk to each other pretty much every day on the phone, for around an hour usually. But here's the problem:
We hardly get any time to actually spend with each other. To begin with, apart from when his dc have been staying, we would see each other a couple of times a week. Generally, he turns up/I go to his, we drink too much wine, have sex, pass out, then in the morning he usually has to make a sharp exit to work or something (he is self employed so works irregular hours). However this seems to have petered out to once a week now, as he is busy with work or other stuff. Well that's what he says anyway, but for example on Saturday night he came over, an hour late, and said that the friend he was supposed to see that day had cancelled so he'd not really been doing much all day. And that friend had rearranged for the next day, so he had to rush off as per usual in the morning. So I got my usual 12 hour slot, over half of which we were asleep.
There's loads of stuff we haven't done. We haven't been for a meal (or anywhere public without the dc). We've never sat down and watched tv together. Normal things. We just see to drink, have sex, and sleep.
I know he is being super cautious about getting too heavy too quickly because of his dc, which I understand, and it is tricky as we are both single parents (though him only part time). But this does not follow the pattern of every other relationship I've been in, where you hit it off, then spend as much time as you can together. There's been quite a few occasions where there's been nothing to stop him jumping in the car and coming to see me, but he hasn't. It seems like his list of priorities goes like this:
- his dc
- his work
- his existing friends
- me
I feel like I just get chucked a scrap of time here and there, and I don't really matter to him that much. He doesn't give much away in terms of what he thinks/feels about me, he is very guarded like that. He was hurt very badly by his ex so I can understand that too. But it doesn't make me feel great about myself.
Is this way too early days to be worrying like this? It just doesn't feel like any other relationship I've ever been in, that said they were all car crashes so maybe that's not a bad thing. I really, really like and respect him, and worry that I am setting myself up to get hurt here. Do you reckon he's taking it slowly or genuinely not that into me?