Cafcass

[queenoftheknight]

Is there ANY point challenging what is in a cafcass report?

They seem to have a very fixed agenda, ie, pro contact with father....whatever the risks, and seem to have no understanding whatever of the dynamics of abusive relationships. Even used the term, "anger management", which rendered me speechless.

If I did The Freedom Programme, why do cafcass staff not do similar?

Do I raise this in court, as it affects MY case, or would I be wasting my time, trying to address a political issue, however much it affects my case? And would I look like a ranting harridan, making my position even worse?

I think the dynamic of an abusive relationship only applies where it presents a serious or immediate risk to the child. That's the angle to push if you're challenging anything. Not making it a political matter and not making it about the relationship between you and the other parent. Purely and solely on the potential harm to the child presented by contact.

If you don't succeed, I then think the best strategy is full cooperation with the court, extreme vigilance and give the abusive party just enough rope to hang themselves.

To add, I have been reported as making allegations that I simply did not make...it is like being gaslighted all over again.

What can I do?

I don't have a solicitor, as I am not "allowed" access to the family savings...which I at least, recognise as being financial abuse, even if cafcass don't.

I am so angry, and so despondent.

Sorry queen but i don't accept your assessment of Cafcass, they do and are legally obliged to put the safety of children at the centre of what they do. Being satisfied that this is the case then they are very much pro the child having contact with BOTH parents, and on the whole this is a good thing.

From your post its difficult to know, but do you have genuine and well founded concern that the children may not be safe with their father? If so you could pursue a complaint see here

www.cafcass.gov.uk/contact-us/feedback-and-complaints/feedback-for-adults.aspx

Although if its a court related report you have to raise your issues in court, it can't be dealt with by the complaints procedure.

Are the family savings in joint names? Is there a divorce pending? Why don't you have access?

Agree with previous posters. I assume the CAFCASS report recommends that some contact should take place, so the only way to really challenge that is to show documented evidence that contact is seriously harmful to the dcs.

I do feel some sympathy for you in that a parent needs to be really, really bad (to the child) for contact to be stopped. I have a court-ordered welfare report concluding that my ex was behaving in way that was likely to cause some emotional harm to dd - it was useful in that it prevented the court accepting my ex's demand for 50:50 contact, but it wasn't enough for anyone to give any real consideration to stopping contact. Sometimes you get posters on here encouraging people to fight in court to stop or limit contact, but I don't think people are always very realistic about the chances of this.

The best advice is often to accept that contact will happen, to give it a chance (it's not always as bad as you fear) and to deal with real problems when they come up. Accept that you'll be gnashing your teeth some of the time.

As for the solicitor, you can sometimes get litigation loans secured against your future share of the joint property, if you want to go down that route. My honest advice, as someone carrying a lot of debt due to family court, is don't waste your money trying to fight the inevitable.

I am reluctant to divulge any personal stuff , as I will be in contempt of court.

I have been led to believe that living with abuse IS indeed very damaging to children, clearly cafcass don't know that.

And that is my point. Why do cafcass not understand the nature of abuse, and see it as the very real risk to children that it has been shown to be? Why has that been drummed into me, and not the "system"?

And why are they taking about anger management? Is it 1972? I am dumbfounded that the overall attitude is so totally at odds with the course that the local authority paid to provide...it is illogical.

I don't have access, because I have not ever been allowed access, I have to ask, and justify any "gifts". Financial abuse.

I will put my case in court. I just don't understand why they don't understand that abuse, in and of itself IS damaging.

I arranged contact, as soon as we split. He refused it, NOT in the report. As are lots of other things NOT in the report.

I need to calm down, and organise my thoughts.

I'm glad that you are out of that relationship but i don't really accept your implication that this means he shouldn't see the children.

However, i do hope that you get to put your side in court and the judge gives it due weight.

I arranged contact!!!!!! He refused it!

Which bit of that means I don't think he should see the children?

THIS is exactly the problem. Cafcass have made a barrel load of assumptions about me, which quite simply are NOT true.

He refused contact, because he was not in control of it...the prime motivator behind the abusive mindset, he refused because I arranged it.

I do not want my babies thinking they are not loved by BOTH of us, but it is a pretty tricky spin job I have to make, given that he chose not to see them.

The bit that has bothered me most is the anger management bit. It shows that this particular officer is clueless.

Anger management is NOT the problem. The problem is power and control at any cost, and that includes using the children...which is damaging.

I am hopeful that the court are a little more enlightened, but don't hold out much hope. There is help for abusers, but how effective it is when forced, I don't know.

What you're missing is legal representation. You need a professional to speak on your behalf. If the abuse resulted in police involvement and was documented then you may qualify for legal aid. If not, you may be able to find a lawyer that will take the case pro bono (Womens Aid may be able to recommend someone with experience). Failing all of that, beg steal or borrow the money to get a lawyer. You are unlikely to succeed in a court environment if you go in solo. That's not CAFCASS, that applies to any legal matter.

Yes, I need someone with a real understanding I suppose.

I have written out my points, and rewritten them, and will do so a few more times to make them calm and coherent.

What I really want is what I have always wanted....I want him to stop being abusive. Which almost certainly won't happen.

Wish me luck.

On a broader point though...It really, really bothers me that Cafcass are so backward in their knowledge of this.

That's all I wanted to say really.

Cafcass have to go with the law and the law is always catching up with latest thinking and attitudes. Only this week there are more proposals to make emotional and other non-physical forms of abuse a criminal offence. It is taken very seriously at the moment and the features are well understood but it isn't currently illegal per se. So there's an example of cultural lag.

He won't stop being abusive. The law is not going to change in the short-term. You need someone that knows how the law works, has experience of cases where abuse is present and knows what is possible and what isn't.

I suppose knowing that, makes the lag more surprising. There is possibly a personal thing too, I guess this officer may not have had that particular training module, or however they work it...could have been away that day or whatever..who knows?

Except it is diametrically opposed to my instincts, and my knowledge, and the knowledge of almost everyone on these boards.

I keep muttering "anger management?" under my breath.

I NEED to calm down. :(

There is such as thing as anger management of course. In what context was it used that it has annoyed you so much?

As a way of dealing with an abusive man.

As I am sure you know, abuse is not an anger issue, it is a control issue. Anger is really, really not the problem here. The problem has to do with social isolation, financial control verbal, emotional, psychological abuse including gaslighting that actually, looking back, is bordering on funny, it's so ludicrous, it was NOT funny at the time, it was horrific. As well as with-holding sex, because I was a whore. And being beaten up in front of the children.

It was the social isolation which, for me, and the children was the worst, and being told that no one liked me because I was "mad" and "evil". A terrible mother, rubbish at my job.....All the usual.

If I know that it's "all the usual"...why don't they?

Because they have to deal with the law. Withholding sex is not illegal. Insulting someone is not illegal. Beating someone up is illegal and violence is something that puts children at risk. Again, a good lawyer can find ways to frame what happened to you so that the things that will resonate with a court are given priority.

queen - im going to stick my.neck out and say i have experienced what you are going through with cafcass.and have also been gobsmacked by their lack.of proffesionalism and absence of understanding about abuse. my cafcass officer stated she was perplexed why if i was scared of my ex id allow him to see dd (totally unaware of cycle of abuse - i explained he was beige charming at the time) . despite my ex admitting to physical, emotional , sexual abuse , drug and alcohol addiction, lying the whole way thru court they have recommended unsupervised access and said that apparently i am unable to put my daughters needs before my own! a lot of people think youre exaggerating when you describe how bad they are but i belive you. ive complained 5 times and taken it to the ombudsman. it never gets anywhere but if you can be bothered then do complain to show u disagree. do find out if you qualify for legal aid too, you should if thrres been abuse. good luck.

...also they kept referring to the 'alleged' abuse when he had admitted to it! its so insulting and the entire court process has been humiliating and a waste of time. my final hearing is this week and they will be giving him access. ive had a judge 'commend' my ex for his honesty before after i found out about more drug use and he owned up - its a joke of system!!

my experience of social services is that the believe whoever they speak to first. so if your ex has fed them a load of shit, that's their "anchor". and yes. they are more than happy to gaslight, if it suits their view. cafcass have always been very even handed. but these are just fallible people you are dealing with, right.

Wobbly...I am SO SORRY! That is just awful.

I will explain more after I have been to court, but I am thoroughly disgusted with the whole system and the whole process.

AND THIS IS WHY IT IS EASIER TO STAY. I wish I had just closed my ears, and stuck it out with him.

Social services were utterly appalling too...making MASSIVE assumptions about all kinds of things. Assuming that there were mental health support teams in place amongst other things. I couldn't get a word in edgeways with the man. There are NO diagnoses, no mental health workers...nothing..he just assumed.

IME most CAFCASS officers understand DA on a feminist context. I think you got unlucky with the one you got.

yep. so latest social services report we've been subjected to states that mother makes up allegations against father. we've been through this in the court. what actually happens is that father makes up allegations that mother has made up allegations.

court has order social service to amend their records but they've refused.

they have stated that they have done a home visit with the dad ( no date, no location). this is untrue. they have stated mother is under the physciatric nurse. not true. they have stated the police are involved. not true.

to be honest I'm not sure whether its conspiracy or cock up. but if I'm honest, they don't like "nasty dad" as an answer. they adore " parental discord ". and look for it relentlessly.

on a practical level, ask them to expand on the allegations that you have supposedly made. ask them if they are sure you made them, or if the other party has pretended that you have made them. abusive people throw around these allegations to distract from the actual poor behaviour.

I didn't like my experience with cafcass she saw ex first then came to our house and she almost laid on the sofa, she slagged ex off to me in front of dd and was completely unprofessional. She left dd questions to answer which I took to the office. I think she should have spoke to dd on her own and filled them in with her. She claimed to be to overworked with other cases to answer my calls. Luckily ex did not turn up for final court hearing.
It almost made me want to work for caffcass to get the job done well for other families!