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Original poster

Am I being a really needy n*b?

34 replies

Tinytillytot · 08/09/2014 17:58

DP has gone away for 7 days with work. Been together 2 years and never spent anytime apart before. Since he has been gone (5 days ago) he has called me twice; once for exactly 4 minutes while he was waiting for a taxi with his colleagues and then yesterday for less than 15 minutes. I feel really sad because I miss him and know I'd make the time to speak to him if I was away...just because I like to talk to him?

Am I being a loser? Is it really needy and gross? There have been a few texts but just "Morning, have a good day" and then "sleep well".

Let me have it ladies.

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 08/09/2014 18:03

Yes, you're being a bit needy. You've spoken twice and are having regular texts.

It's normal to miss him, but you have to remember that he will probably be socialising with colleagues in the evenings, and less likely to get those pangs of loneliness.

Original poster

Tinytillytot · 08/09/2014 18:11

Thanks for replying Shatners, I think you are definitely right, and I have form for being a bit of a clingaroo so I'm just going to try to relax. Doesn't help I suppose that I work from home alot so don't have anyone to talk to for most of the day. at myself

OP posts:

TimBurgessILoveYourSmile · 08/09/2014 18:14

Yes you're feeling needy but it is your first time honey so don't be so hard on yourself! :) Just enjoy the phone calls & texts, be up beat if you can and keep yourself busy!
This is a really good chance to treat yourself, do all the things you like to do and hey, why not get on the phone to your friends, use this time to do nice things with them. The busier you keep yourself the better you feel and the quicker it will pass. I have been with my DH 20 years, I am still needy :) I fake it until I make it sweetheart, Good Luck, You have done 5 days, only 2 left now !

pinkfrocks · 08/09/2014 18:18

I don't think you are being needy necessarily.

A lot depends on the circumstances of his work- different time zones etc etc maybe?

My DH has travelled across the globe during our marriage- Oz, the US, Asia, you name it- and it was always hard, especially when the DCs were small.

He always rings daily - when possible. sometimes if the work is very hectic and due to time zone differences he might miss an evening but then tries to call the next day, early.

I suppose you need to ask if he has the time to call you and is choosing not to, or if it's physically impossible.

If he can't see your side of it maybe you have to spell it out and say you'd love a call more often?
And when he is away could you arrange yourself a few treats - either seeing friends or maybe going somewhere nice?

ilovepowerhoop · 08/09/2014 18:29

my dh tends to check in with me each day from work (normally to see if we need anything from the shop!) so I would expect him to make the time for a quick call or text each day if he was away.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 08/09/2014 18:33

When DP is away, I get quite stressy and wonder where he is/why he hasn't phones.

When I go away for work, I'm so busy getting pissed in Hong kong that I always forget to call until it's too late!

But I'm a terrible hypocrite

ThatBloodyWoman · 08/09/2014 18:36

Yes, I think its a bit needy tbh.

I think its not needy to crave the company of someone though.

Catch up with some old friends or family with some long phone calls.

VanitasVanitatum · 08/09/2014 18:39

Make plans with friends/family as much as possible. No wonder you feel aggrieved if you're just on your own feeling lonely!

lovingmatleave · 08/09/2014 18:48

Hmm I would expect a call everyday he was away, even just a few minutes just to catch up. And I am not needy - mine works away for weeks at at time but we always try to have a short call everyday (ok mostly about kids and boring stuff though). I don't think in your case its too much too to ask.

VinoTime · 08/09/2014 18:49

You're looking at this all wrong!

You get to STARFISH in bed all night!

He won't finish off the last of the milk before you've had your first tea/coffee of the day.

Nobody to share the remote with. You can watch whatever you want without any moaning.

It's good to have space

Original poster

Tinytillytot · 08/09/2014 18:54

Hahaha OMG VINOTIME - I just looked up starfishing but I don't think you are referring to the same thing (see urban dictionary)

Thanks for your comments. I just needed a quick internet slap to sort me out. I've just been to the shop and bought 4 (terrible) magazines, a magnum and some really unhealthy dinner (all things I don't do when my healthnut DP is around). Wish I'd got some pickled onion monster munch too :(

OP posts:

ThatBloodyWoman · 08/09/2014 18:56

Thats the spirit Tiny

NK5BM3 · 08/09/2014 18:58

You are being slightly needy but if it's the first time, then, yes... It's ok to feel this way!

I travel quite a fair bit for work but we have 2 kids too so I tend to try and call every day via skype or FaceTime for the sake of the kids. But due to time difference (eg next long trip is 8h) it'll be quite difficult but doable. I tend to nip out during the afternoon to catch the kids before they go to school.

Good luck, enjoy the space and quiet!!

MrsDavidBowie · 08/09/2014 19:07

Yes you are being needy.
Its not like he has not been in touch at all.

bberry · 08/09/2014 19:10

Yep... V needy IMO....

Enjoy the break, slob out in front of the tv all night with some wine and maltesers, go out with the girls, go have some nice spa treatments, go see your mum/family, go learn how to drive a motorbike....

Basically get out there and enjoy some freedom and look forward to seeing him again...

I may only speak to my hubby once or twice if he is away for 4/5 days... And a few texts and I am happy with that, but each to their own and all that....

WalkJumpClimb34 · 08/09/2014 19:18

I don't think you should be too hard on yourself op. I don't think wanting at least one decent conversation in a week is too much to ask for.

Did you discuss before he went what sort of communication you would have while he was away?

However, I do agree with pp about enjoying the time without him and not moping - no need to do that.

mrsbrownsgirls · 08/09/2014 19:19

not too needy , I'd expect a call at least once a day too !

Iconfuseus · 08/09/2014 19:54

I would be upset if I was in your position.

I would expect at least one phone call a day.

Bisou88 · 08/09/2014 21:11

I dont think your being needy, he may not be feeling as lonely as you, but that shouldnt mean your not on his mind! And IMO it doesnt sound like hes been in much contact at all.

I get a call 2-3 times a day from my DP and that doesnt include the texts! Maybe were a bit OTT, but we enjoy it.

HOWEVER! I reeeeeeally enjoy being able to slob out, eat like a pig, being a general classy tramp

Talk to him if it really bothers you, otherwise, enjoy your you time. And finally, dont forget, distance makes the heart grow fonder, so maybe when he gets back he will make it up :)

LittleMissRayofHope · 08/09/2014 22:01

I think your level of neediness relates to how things are on a normal daily basis.

Me and my DH are texters. Unless it's simply easier to speak on the phone. Were both busy (him working, me with DC) but text each other through out the day.

He went away last year for 2 weeks and he would text me everyday but not call everyday. And the texts were not as regular or often as they were when he was here. So I was a little put out at first but then I simply realised that he was back home with family (hadn't been back to Algeria for like 13 years so loads of ppl he hadn't seen and loads of catching up to do) and that it wasn't like e had forgotten me. But he was occupied. First few days was hard but I left the ball in his court. He called every other day ish. But he did text every day, several times.

Tbh, after about day 3 I was enjoying it!! A bit of space, peace and quiet, whole bed, free tv or film choice!! But in those first few days I felt needy cos I was expecting more of him until I dialled down my expectation to a realistic level.

He is busy - doesn't mean he has forgotten you or doesn't love you.
I think you know your beig needy by starting this thread. But it would be fair to feel put out if the contact level was significantly different to normal simply cos he is away. Does that make sense?

thatthingonyournose · 09/09/2014 01:37

I think your level of expectation is relative to the character of your relationship. I had a long term serious partner for 6 years who would go away for 3-4 months a year. We'd exchange one email a day just checking in, and he'd make one call to me over that period of months (on Christmas Day!) I felt completely happy with that level of contact.

My now DH and I wats app all the time, and when he or I is away, the days are peppered with quick phone calls, messages, emails, Skype sessions. If we didn't do this it would be hard and unusual for us.

The level of contact in both relationships felt fine to me and they were vastly different, so it's very much about your habits

RubbishMantra · 09/09/2014 01:44

Still at starfishing in the bed while DP away... Those Milkyway Magic Stars still make me snigger.

I'm devoted to DH, and think he's the best thing ever, but have lost track of time on work trips, and not rang/texted when I meant to.

hellsbellsmelons · 09/09/2014 10:10

I'd be miffed if it was my OH.
My OH is away on a Wednesday night only a few miles away but we still text all day long and talk on the phone in the evening.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 09/09/2014 10:29

My DP sometimes works away for a week or so and XH was away for several months. Both of them would call once most days and I would text the odd little bit in between, which may or may not get an answer.

I love being on my own, work at home etc, but I really miss my DP when he's not around even for a day. I am needy and clingy and DP knows that, so makes sure he is always in contact (+ he misses me too).

However, DP is not a big drinker and likes an early night, so the lure of the bar at the end of the day isn't too strong. I imagine if it was a big conference type affair, with lots of people and lots of socialising, it would be easier for DP to get talked into staying out rather than going to bed and calling me! He's been on nights out where he will nip out half way through the evening to call me, which I think is lovely, but would completely understand if he didn't.

The main thing is he texts first thing and last thing, which shows that your DP is thinking of you when it counts in his quiet moments. Don't feel bad that you miss him and want to talk to him. x

TarkaTheOtter · 09/09/2014 10:37

I also quite like it when dh works away (although not enjoying this week as I'm ill with a toddler and baby to look after in a country where I don't know anyone yet). Normally I quite like getting into my own routine. I never lived alone before marrying (always shared houses/with partners) so it's a taste of that.
Dh calls twice a day. Once in the morning and once during dinner. Also text throughout day. His colleague's wife recently died whilst the colleague was working away and it has affected him deeply.

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