Dh told me he is leaving me because I won't spend another fortnight with his family.

[gottachangethename1]

It's been an issue for many years. Every year, twice a year, I'm expected to spend two weeks living with the in laws (not English, not in UK). Despite it being pretty unpleasant, miserable mil, unwelcome atmosphere & expectation that I clear up after everyone & generally go from housework in my own house, to doing housework in theirs.
I have an elderly parent is who very dependent at the moment & for the immediate future. I told dh I would not be going again on the second trip if this year. He has screamed & shouted, rang his family & told them I'm unbearable & that he is moving back home. I work full time, have a teenage dc & an elderly parent, I admit I'm always tired & don't socialise as much as I should. But I do care & just want to please everyone. I'm just so worn down by it all.

Let him go. He sounds awful. You have a lot to cope with at the moment. How dare he scream and shout at you. Is he usually this unsupportive and quite frankly abusive?

Result! Congrats!

Sorry. Flippant. But really - read your post back as if it was someone else and tell me you'd commiserate with them.

So how does this make you feel about dh?

Sounds like he's trying to control you or really does want to leave? He's behaving unacceptably either way. Is this unusual behaviour for him?

Tell him not to forget his dirty kecks from the laundry basket on his way out.

He sounds like a child!

That's not normal behaviour from him. Is he generally this unreasonable? Are there cultural expectations?

Is teenage dc his?

That's a result then - congratulations .

Yes. He has always been 'High maintenance' . He can be lovely, but I am held responsible for most things- even when they are not all down to me. I'm not panicking, just so tired of duties & commitments.

I'd tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out. Enough of being treated like a servant from him and his rotten family.

Offer to help him pack. Oh, he cannot remove the children, either, without your permission. Make sure you get some advice here on how to prevent this.

Let him go then. Life should then be much more pleasant, and maybe you will be less tired not having to do his stuff and less emotionally drained.

You have responsibilities looking after your dc, your job and an illness in the family so they are priority over a drama queen who is at best very unreasonable and completely riding roughshod over your feelings. Very selfish and unsupportive.

You can't please everyone but your priority is you, and the energy you need to do what you are happy with. Let him stew.

I'd tell him 'Don't let the door hit ya' where the Good Lord split ya'. Sounds like he just wants his 'personal maid' to accompany him on holiday to take care of his whole family. No wonder you're tired.

If you are sure that you never want to spend another holiday with his family, then stand your ground & the devil take the hindmost. It's time that YOU had a REAL holiday, even if that means time in your own home without him while he's complaining to his mummy about how awful you are! Sound like heaven to me!!

Oh he sounds horrible.

Why have you stuck it out so long?

I have put up with a lot over the years, but since hitting my 40s I'm far less willing to put up with crap. I have had lots of commitments with family & work, so I understand I haven't always 'been there' emotional or indeed physically at times, but I try. He hates his job & his life here in general so I suppose this is the get out he was looking forward. Just upsetting to watch all those years together being thrown away.

Well - in your shoes I would be heaving a sigh of relief and telling him not to bother coming back.

He sounds immature, unreasonable, selfish and a waste of space.

You've had a difference of views about going abroad again to be someone else's skivvy and his first reaction (well, second after screaming and shouting) is to phone Mummy and Daddy?

Help the tosser pack!

Hope you call his bluff. This sounds more like a high octane empty threat than anything more meaningful. If it's posturing, you know he's a bully. If he walks, it sounds like he'd be doing you a favour.

Think what you could do with two whole weeks to yourself... Good luck

You're well rid! Help him pack and tell him to get lost.

Think i might just be tempted to squirrel the kids passport away somewhere very very difficult for him to find.

Sorry OP but sounds like a child having a tantrum and making empty threats - which is actually really sad, given the best present a wanker like that can give is their exit from your airspace.

As others have said, I'd help the bugger pack and by a one way plane ticket.

OP I feel you. My MIL also expects me to slave away in her house, also a different country and culture. We used to go there almost every weekend because she is quite isolated and responsibility has fallen on my DHs shoulders to take her shopping do her gardening tend to her needs, in spite of having 3 siblings. And to add to it MIL is a nightmare and very manipulative and there is an argument every time we go. It is so draining. She uses the excuse that she is old but she isn´t frail fgs and I feel like her personal maid as she wags her fingers and tells me or whoever else is there to bring her what she wants. It is up to me to do all the cooking and cleaning if I am there. DH can´t help as he is busy all day doing her list of tasks elsewhere in the house. This has put a strain on my relationship with DH. We don´t have DC yet so I am not sure what the dynamic will be then. Fortunately for me she has a companion who is there most of the time now too, but he is ultimately her slave as well. I mean if there were grattitude it wouldn´t be so bad, but the fact that this is all one sided, contolling, comes with put downs etc just takes the piss. I stopped going there so much now, and DH goes alone. I had to back off for my own sanity. DH understands, so if I had all this and no support from DH about my feelings I would be leaving him quite frankly.

You poor thing, it must be very emotionally draining to have a parent to look after of your own, a full time job, a teenager, husband, home and life of your own and then be expected to drop it all and be someone else's home help for a fortnight.

Good for you for saying you can't go. Culturally, I understand this might not be the norm, but sometimes you need to prioritise your immediate family over your in laws.

I bet your husband does not go, he won't want to lose you and his child, even if he hates his job and feels you have not been there for him enough because of your other commitments. If he does, I hope he enjoys his 2 weeks with his family and comes back grovelling to be forgiven. It will be up to you if you do of course!

If you think he's going to leave and/or try to take the children, get some legal advice. If he's just going to run off crying to mummy and expect to be welcomed back, it might also be a good idea to get legal advice so you know where you stand.
It does sound liike life would be easier if yougot rid of him.

When someone shows you what they are like - listen to them.

He sounds like he is unbearable.

Instead of helping you with an ill relative, he's making it worse for you.

If he really cared would he treat you like this?

Why should you have to clean in his parents home? Perfectly acceptable to do dishes etc after a meal has been cooked for you but to do all the housework is ridiculous, especially if your partner doesn't take part too.

I think you've had a lucky break here.