Does your PIL stay with u when DH/DP isn't there?

[MrsUnitedNAtionsZone]

I only ask cos PIL are down on the 30th, DH is away on the 3rd for the next 3 weeks.

when they come down MIL tends to get a little 'enthusiastic' with DS which I don't mind so much but this is an on going prob we've had since he was 3 weeks old. (some of u may remember a thread I started at said time) anyhow the latest vice is your still BF, and he doesn't settle staight away at night she'll say to me 'are you sure he's having enough milk' - erm yes I am actually cos when we're left alone just me and him there's no problems at all. apparently he doens't need a routein, nor does he need his nap times.

now don't get me wrong I'm not ungratefuly for her help - feeding his solids/changing the bum/bathing etc more than happy for all of that as it gives me 5 to relax and also she likes it as obviosuly she doens't see DS that often.

it's just the comments and the feeling i'm being watched all the time, and i'm not doing my best by DS. Yesterday I had a row with DH about it - afterall i'll be buggered if he would want to spend a week with my parents alone - he didn't even want to do it for a w/e still his arguement is 'I should be grateful cos his mum will buy us stuff/take DS if I want her to' - thing is thou I don't bloody well want her to buy stuff (yes that's ungrateful but I don't want it taken fro granted iycwim.)

DH has finally started to support me more where MIL is concerend but not always - and it winds me up as I feel they're discussing it/snipping behind my back.

(my parents on the other hand live closer, but they do not come in and say ooh no your not tired let's keep u awake all the time till your ratty/arsey - they sayy nope keep to your routein, if he naps now let him nap now) and I know a lot of u will say it's only a week, but it's the after marth - a week fair enough but 3 weeks to sort him back out again and settle him down. and again a lot will say relax about the routein but he seems to do 1000 times better whne there's some sort of structure to his day than when there's not iycwim?

(this name is recongniseable, but please don't mention it as DH know's my log on name)

I'm sorry the rules are no in laws with out the blood relative present. Well certainly not for any lenght of time. If he really and truely would do the same with yours then maybe but if he wouldn't , then no way.

see that's my thoughts but the responce I got was I told u i'd be on a course followed by well u go take it up with M (his boss) then.

(and it's not as if he's even got a ridged routien it's about the roughest laxest one u can find! lol.)

Okay ...... so MIL sounds a PITA. I can quite understand your dread at having to resettle a small child once she's been and gone and messed the "routine" you already have with him.

It also sounds as if the situation is somewhat diffused when DH is about - he probably feels more comfortable about telling her to stop fussing and so on.

What I don't understand is why the PIL have to come down this particular week when DH is going to be away. Him snapping about taking it up with his boss isn't the issue - why not just postpone the PIL.

FWIW I totally see where you're coming from. I get on ok with my MIL but when she visits and if DP is late home, I dread entertaining her even for an evening as we are not that close and I feel pressured to clean the house, keep the conversation going and can't relax without him there too as a sort of "buffer". Maybe that's silly but I too have had squabbles with DP over this 'cos he'll arrange for MIL to come over (she lives 2.5 hrs away) way before he gets home, and I simply wouldn't arrange for my mum to do the same thing if he was on his own.

My DP says things like "it'll be a chance for you two to get to know each other better" - when we've known each other for 5 years FFS.

I think it's unreasonable of him to expect you to host any guests TBH for that length of time while he's away anyhow.

lol cat yes this is it - we can't rearrange PIL - it's been planed for about 6 weeks, FIL has a rare 2 weeks holidays and they'll be down the first week - also the only time they coould get a dog sitter - her tow are a nightmare and don't get on with our two. I guess i'm lucky - they were coming down for both weeks which would have been 10 days alone with them as it is it's only going to be weds-sat/sun, it's just horrid. I guess i'm being a touch emotional as well and defensive but after being told when he was 3 weeks old I shouldn't BF and feed him everytime he crys i'm a little defensive iycwim. it's sort of give and inch and take a mile type thing.

it improves somewhat when DH is there althou she does also 'suggest' to him the way things should be and he then trys to 'suggest' to me how they should be done - I don't mind the 'have u tried this if it doens't work don't try it again approach (that my mum does) it's the 'you should be doing this and he shouldn't be doing that' approach I resent.

(roll on tots! ) lol.

hun

tell him to get a bloody grip.

wanna come stay with me for a week lol

I wouldnt be happy with it - but things between me and my pil's is shite.

DH stays with my dad and the girls no worries, but then DH calls my dad "dad" and they get on like a house on fire!

if YOU arent happy, then say NO. Or welcome them down for the few days you are all there and say right piss off!

if your sh aint happy, point him in my direction - ill sort him out for you!

My mum still stays with DH as does my sister (DH and i spilt up a while back).
He likes them more then his own family.

LMAO- ahy fancy an extra 2 jarm! was thinking of asking some of my mates here to make up the sofa and let joey top/tail with one of the babies! lol. i'm sure we'll be fine it just pees me off - but as usual i'll bite my tounge and not say anything - just ring our mum and moan! lol.

Tell your DH your in laws will NOT BE COMING while he is away, no way, put your foot down. My ils are here later but there's no way they'd be coming if dh wasn't here. And they're ok, if they drove me mad it would be awful.
a WEEK is a bloody long time even if
a) you like them
b) your dh is there

You have to cancel this, sorry but you do. It'll be hell.

DH wouldn't even consider inviting his parents to stay here when he was away. He knows either myself or MIL would be in prison doing time for murder by the time he got back!

I'm in a fab situation where I get on better with my MIL than my own family and recently when dh was away for a week working, MIL came over to help me out with the kids while he wasnt around.
But in your case, I would get the trip cancelled. SOunds awful.

A week is a long time for anyone to come and stay in my opinion.

I invited my MIL down on quite a few occasions when dh abroad,for a weekend.

I'm very glad I did as she has now died and we miss her terribly.

Me, alone, with my inlaws for several days????? yeah right! I very much doubt we would get through the first hour!

Nothing. MIL goes on computer/leaves room as soon as DH goes out.

oh, stay not SAY! wally! My MIL doesnt talk to me when DH isnt there...

I also hve the rule that if rellies arrive the one they are related to has to be around. DH was very accommodating to his parents when dd was born and agreed to them coming for 10 days without consulting me. They stayed for 22 days as there was disruption to the trains and they didn't want to have to change trains half way up the country I was nearly a basket case as during this time dh worked constantly even weekends. The second time they came I was prepared and put my foot down - they had a long weekend as dh "couldn't take more time off" and I said they couldn't come if he wasn't here - no way!! Put yer foot down with a firm hand

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I wouldn't have MIL to stay, dh has been away since Wed and I've coped fine on my own, I wouldn't mind her popping in during the day but certainly not staying. Did they come and stay before you had DS and your dh went away???

TLV - nope never - I was lucky to get a phone call tbh - we don't really talk on the phone but do on MSN - it's sily really cos I used to live with them b4 we were married and it wasn't too bad then (well got progressivly worse) it's just now the boy's here! lol.

apparently DH might be away from sunday/monday morning, (I thought weds don't ask me why) anyhow they'll be coming on the sun/sat apparently. I told DH well he'd best tell them not to come - to which the reply was well we'll have to go up there then when I have a holiday - money we can ill affofrd at the best of times - never mind just b4 xmas. anyhow tehn we had the i'm sure u don't like my parents thing - it's not a case of that (well is sort of) it's a case of the comments etc and I triedas diplomatically as I could I relied on his support when they were down. anyhow then he said well either way i'll get moaned at - by me or by MIL as we live 40 mins form my family so in theory can pop in every week iof we want (trust me we don't) anyhow he recons either she'll moan about that or i'll moan I don't want them there, and they'll pick up on it - I must add here I have NEVER made them feel unwelcome in my home.

still i've left with now with them telling DH I don't mind either way but am not happy - and will tell him to lay down the ground rules first. apparently thou they'll be going out and about for days and also going away for a few nights during the week so that will be a welcome relief. so watch this space for the call this afternoon!

MD - I don't mind a w/e infact I more or less bullied DH into telling her to come down when he was 9 weeks old to pick BIL up from our house so she could see the boy - they know they hahve an open invitation to come down - just when DH is here.

Dh is going to Afghanistan next Feb/March. DH is already organising his mother coming over here. Trying to tell him

1. Not a good idea for my sanity
2. I already have 2 children to look after don't need MIL too as she needs entertaining (can't drive!)
3. IT'S MY DECISION HE'S NOT GOING TO BE HERE!! ARRRGGGHHH

Feel your pain MrsUNZone

first thread when NB

:lol med! lol - althou I'm also thinking when he does go away for 6 months at a time - I can't expect them not to wanna see the boy/any subsequnt LO's so bite it in the bullet/build up to longer stays? just bloody annoys me that it's taken for granted I don't mind/she interferes - althou last week DS has been sleping thru - hoorah! so hopefully that will help.

I think a week is too long, too, particularly without dh there.

MIL was here for 2 weeks when dd was born to help out with ds as I had a section and dh was working away the second week. I love my MIL and they were unusual circumstances where I was obviously terribly grateful for the help, but we were all glad to see the back of each other by the end of it. And I've been at their house with the children but without dh for a few days at a time too.

If you really can't get out of it, I would plan to let them do loads to help, resign yourself to your routine going to pot for a few days and make the most of it, get some time off. View the interference as the trade off for some time to yourself and you might not resent them so much (works for me - I figure if I am getting an extra hour in bed then I don't care if MIL is feeding the kids chocolate fingers at 8am once in a blue moon).

LMAO@ FP - well one good thing - I can test out my new recipes on my 'willing' guineapigs lol - (they don't know yet! lol) and they have offered to take me and DS to monkey world - something I know i'll love MIL will do as she watches the prog, not sure about DS as he's a little young, but it will be a day out, and also we can go again next year. (he's under a year old see)

other plusses - erm, guess i'll be able to have an afternnon nap? company the first week whilst DH is away and (hopefully) it will pass quicker.

i'll be keeping a firm 7oclock bed time thou last time I gave in with rusks - I can see this time chocccy buttons.

Could they come a few days earlier and leave when your DH goes away?

no MIL startes her holidays on the friday evening as does FIL, MIL isn't as bad for hols as she works in a shop but FIL only has 2/3 other people in his place so they have to take it in turns and as he started about 4 months ago he's been given the week no one else wanted iycwiim.

(least it's not 2 weeks right? )