Dating disaster

[Ships99]

I've recently met a nice bloke who I find incredibly attractive. We have been chatting for a month and met three times. He lives 40 miles away and everytime we meet, I have driven to see him.
He is divorced. His ex has recently stopped him seeing his kids (although he has a court order saying he can see them).
He wants a relationship and to date, but he said he has no money to visit me and is struggling with bills and maintenance. The last time we attended to meet, he had to cancel as he was "sorting his finances" and later he said he had done all his paperwork and rand to ask "did I want to come over". I said I didn't want to go to his again, and asked him to come to mine.... But he had been drinking at home.
So.... Looks like this new man isn't going to go anywhere.... I'm coming second to a bottle of spirits!
So.... I've deleted my pof profile. I've met a few off pof but it's truly grim.
Is match.com any better?
I'm seeking a decent bloke of 6ft4 or above. Am I asking too much?!? Lol

Why does he have to be 6ft 4 and above? To me that is heading into giraffe territory!

If he wants a relationship and to date then he has to make the effort. Sounds like he was happy for you to do all the leg work , that is lazy and unattractive in a guy.
Any sort of long distance (and 40 miles is a bit far) requires both parties to be fully on board, he sounds like he has got way too much going on to really be all there for you.
I would rule him out completely.

6ft 4 and above as I'm very tall and I prefer men taller than me. I realise that limits my options! Lol!

Unless you're 6ft 2 yourself, you're slightly narrowing your market.

I've never done online dating but the friends of mine who have had good experiences with guardian soul mates & mysinglefriend.

How tall's tall? Do you like wearing heels?

I'm 6ft 3 in my favourite heels..lol. . :/

I wouldn't call it a disaster. OD means you are likely to come across a whole range of different people some of whom you will like and most you won't. If you go into it thinking any liaison that doesn't work out into a meaningful relationship is a disaster then you are going to find it very hard going.

darlin', that's not even close to a disaster, that's weeding out a time waster!

chin up chuck, you'll get there! keep looking.

I would drop the height thing tbh. Shorter men can be immensely attractive. I've dated plenty of men shorter than me. Onwards and upwards!

I met my 6'4" husband on pof as I also had a height 'thing' that I wouldn't date anyone less than 6'. I think that stating 6'4" and over is probably really limiting you, could you go to 6'2"?

I wouldn't delete your profile and declare disaster just yet. This one chap turned out to be a dead end but that doesn't mean they all are. New blokes join the site all the time and providing you are happy to go on lots of dates with no expectation that one particular one is definitely going to be 'the one or I'm done' then you're only one date away from your next relationship. Good luck.

"6ft4 or above"

If I were single I wouldn't want to date anyone so shallow even if I were tall enough.

The height thing is a bit silly & is seriously limiting your options, I really would change your profile to get rid of that particular requirement.

My god, you'll never meet anyone if you require them to be 6 foot 4, unless you yourself are a drop dead gorgeous model.

Whenever I see a man over 6ft2 he's generally with a very petite woman

Really OP, the perfect man for you could be not far away! Trust me, you get used to looking down on a man

So many of my female friends who are dating have a height criteria. Apparently it makes them feel 'safer' and 'looked after'. A friend who was 5ft 6 refused to date anyone under 6ft. A friend who is 5ft 4 refused to date anyone under 6ft. The latter has been single for the last 7 years and has probably missed out on having a baby as a result now.

Agree with the others that he sounds like a good one to miss, and perhaps the dating disaster here is the height requirement...

Only a very small proportion of blokes will meet that requirement, a smaller proportion of those will be single, a much smaller proportion will fit your age/education/other 'stuff' requirements (and vice versa), and an even smaller proportion will be on any given website, and then all these tall blokes will be getting plenty of interest from girls 5"1 and up, all somehow requiring men over 6" (as per previous posters)... And voila, you'll end up with 3 or 4 dismal prospects and even considering it a bad instead of good thing to be rid of a fool who would rather get drunk and do his taxes than spend an evening with your presumably gorgeously long legged self!

I met my DP on POF, he's both (much more than )decent and he's 6ft 4 so it is possible. In fact most of the men I met from POF were 6ft 2 or above, I don't date men shorter than me (I'm 5ft11)

It does baffle me how men are often accused of being shallow about looks yet so many women have such stringent height criteria. When I was on the dating 'scene' I reckon about half the profiles had something about wanting a tall man.

I don't think it's shallow to want a man taller than me at all, I'm not attracted to men shorter than me. My last ex was the same height as me and a lot thinner and I think we looked a bit odd (least of our problems tbh) so I made a choice that I wouldn't date men my height/shorter.

I didn't actually say this on my profile btw, men who actually bothered to read my info actually mentioned their height in their initial messages to me.

I wasn't criticising you for what you want, sorry if it came across that way! You are of course free to like whatever you want. All I was cackhandedly trying to say is that men are often criticised for focusing on the physical when a lot of women do exactly the same. I don't see anything wrong with it personally.

Sorry my bad if I sounded like I'd taken that a bit personally

I get what you mean I guess. Speaking as a tall woman, I do like to feel a bit "protected" as it were so tall and bearded is what I require I'm quite at the friend of a PP who has been single for 7 years because she couldn't find a man above 6ft.

And that my friends is why the thing men are most likely to lie about on dating sites is their height!

(for women its their age apparently)

Oh for men it's often their age AND their height!

Wicked - oh, she found a few for first dates. The occasional second date. But no spark. Had she been prepared to date 5ft 10, she could have dated every other night. Had she herself been 5ft 10, I might have understood it, but at 5ft 4, even when she was wearing heels, a guy of 5ft 10 would be same height or still a bit taller. Maybe we just live in an area of relatively few single guys over 6ft? Certainly she was on most of the dating sites over that period.

I lost count of the number of women who said they wanted someone 6' when they were like 5'4. 5'4 is average height for a woman, and average height for a man is 5'9 I think (in the UK at least). And only about 25% are above 6 foot. So it does seem that there are a lot of women fighting over relatively few men (so says the 5'9 man [grumble]).

6'4 is very tall though. I'd be surprised if more than 4 or 5% of men were that height. We all have things that we will and won't compromise on, which will limit our 'pool' to choose from. But this criteria is particularly restrictive.

Not New Well that actually does seem a bit silly of her when you put it like that. If I was 5ft4 my goodness I'd have happily dated 5ft9/10 even maybe whispers 5ft8 I don't wear heels thou tbf.

I have to say, I did attract mainly 6ft2+ bearded men and only on the one site.