Is anyone else's husband like this?

[Myhusbandishardwork]

I ve been together with dh for just over 3 years, been married for just over 2 years and we have a dd who is 23 months.

When i first met dh i didnt notice that there was anything different about him. As time went on, i noticed that he was different to anyone else i have been out with. Dh seems to struggle to do everyday things. He doesnt think he has a problem. The things dh struggles with is:

Being able to follow a conversation that people in a group are having. If there are 4 people sat at a table, dh cannot follow the conversation and sits there looking blank.

He has a sensory isssue where he cannot smooth clothing down or bedding. He also cannot touch certain material. He has to wear shoes in the house at all times, and cannot walk barefooted in the house.

If you ask dh a question, he will answer yes when he means no and vice versa.

He cannot remember alot of things in the past. He has had a bad childhood and says hes blocked it all out.

He will start a task, then abandon it and move on to something else without finishing what he originally was going to do.

When i talk to him, and wait for him to respond, he looks at me blankly whilst he processes what i have said.

He asks me to repeat myself alot even though he heard what i said the first time.

If dh baths dd which is rare, he forgets to brush her teeth or even wash her.

Dh does not learn from past mistakes and will repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Dh did go to the doctors regarding these issues, and a lady came to see him, she said she thought he had dyslexia, but he would need to go privately to get a proper diagnose.

I feel he is getting worse and i feel like i have an extra child.

Can anyone advise me on this please

Aspergers as a diagnosis is falling out of favour. The doctors who assessed my son said that.

Here's a quote from Wikipedia Aspergers page (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome)

In the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published in May 2013,[21] AS, as a separate diagnosis, was eliminated and folded into autism spectrum disorder.[3] Like the diagnosis of Asperger syndrome,[22] the change was controversial[22][23] and AS was not removed from the WHO's ICD-10.

We live in the north west.

Is it worth getting a diagnose?

There's a whole list of co-morbid disorders with ASD spectrum,[missing colon] dyslexia and dyspraxia are only two of many

I thought you had omitted the colon and you meant that dyslexia and dyspraxia were 2 of many co-morbidity disorders on the ASD spectrum.

Sorry- but what you wrote doesn't make sense-it's confusing.

Yes it is worth getting a diagnosis.

Without it you are shooting in the dark.
You don't know how to help without knowing what he has.

Myhusbandishardwork

Is it worth getting a diagnose?
It depends on whether it helps you or your husband come to terms with things, or whether there is any therapy or practice which would help you or him.

==>He cuts me off mid conversation to something he wants to talk about.
I will be telling him about dds day and he will cut me off and talk about something hes interested in like the rankings on his website!
------

I have to try very very hard not to do this. As for watching movies, I just get bored easily and start browsing etc.

===>He eats very fast and when in a restaurant hes rushing me to eat mine quicker so we can go!
------

I don't eat fast, but yes. I'll be the one standing up and wandering off. In a group of people, I'm always the one that gets somehow lost.

Someone mentioned Maudsley - I was diagnosed there too. It may be worthwhile going there to be assessed.

I had a very happy childhood. No issues.

So also did say that we should think very carefully about going for a diagnose as we have to think about what we will gain from this as there is still a big stigma attached to special needs etc.

It makes me mad when people in "professional" positions spout this sort of nonsense.

There's stigma in being bad at following conversations because people think you're rude

There's stigma in appearing to be constantly fussing about your clothes, because a twisted strap or rough seam is causing you real discomfort.

There's far less stigma in knowing that something you experience really is A Thing.

I do have difficulties with sensory processing and with auditory discrimination. I need the subtitles on the TV and have to watch people's lips as they talk, if there's any noise about. I was also a very shy and often offhand child and had no good friends until my teens. I don't have any close friends, now, either, but it bothers me less than it did as a child. I rely on routines and lists to make sure things get done than need doing. I'm not naturally an organised person, so I've had to turn myself into one, despite my frequent ooh squirrel! moments. Particularly important, since both of the boys have ASD!

As far as coping with the auditory discrimination difficulties goes, I try to avoid having important conversations in crowded areas, or try to stick to smaller simpler conversations (not that I have much of a social life, but family gatherings are still potentially problematic). I also have mild problems with dysfluency or speech and word finding, which makes these situations difficult (worse when I'm tired of post-migraine). I try to have important conversations via email instead of by phone. Essential when I have a DH who does not remember the details of things I've asked him, even when he's answered me! (And yes, he's a programmer!)

Swap of and or in that final paragraph, btw. I don't spot things like that until I've read something 3 times, sometimes!

It sounds like my nephew who is dyspraxic. They also thought he had retained infant reflexes. Lots of tricky symptoms to tie together

Maudsley was me, I agree they're good.

I'm sorry if you had trouble understanding what I said pinkfrocks, but I didn't miss out a colon.

MsAstronaut - what you're describing (which is what applies to both DH and me) is the Broad Autism Phenotype. There's a discussion of it, here
www.jneurodevdisorders.com/content/5/1/11

Ouryve, That is v v interesting, thank you.

It's odd because dp is terrified of socialising, and often feels he has been embarrassing, yet he doesn't like being alone and would rather hang out with people than not. He's strangely extrovert in a weird, foot-in-mouth way. He's also witty, sarcastic, messy, etc - not things I associate with asd and very much the opposite of his brother.

(While I am a classic introvert/love being alone, and very shy and awkward, so i am the more apparently anti-social person, but much more on the ball with verbal processing, flexibility etc)

However seeing these not listening, not picking up on things, routine-craving type traits as a possible genetic condition is helpful, as I've had a lot of tearing my hair out over it and being cross with dp for simply not hearing what I've just said, not taking in simple information, etc.

Come to think of it, he doesn't have the touch sense problems but he gets very upset in noisy cafes with a lot of echoes. He can't bear too much audio input.

But I think dp would very upset by the idea. He found his brother's ASD excruciatingly difficult and embarrassing growing up, and is very relieved that we don't appear to have a child who is on the spectrum. He doesn't see himself as on it at all.

Looking at that paper, I can see that my DS fits the BAP profile and so, very clearly, did DP's dad.

Your husband could also have Dyspraxia or also known as Developmental coordination disorder. It is related/ under same "umbrella" as dyslexia which you mentioned in your post.

Many of the traits are similar to high functioning autism and Aspergers and I think it is quite common for both conditions to be misdiagnosed.

My 7 yr old DS has dyspraxia and I'm pretty sure that my dad has it too. Both have difficulties with food textures, stringing coherent sentences together, keeping up with conversations, maintaining eye contact, family parties/gatherings/crowds, sensory issues eg labels and seams on clothing, loud noises, my sons coordination is generally ok for his age but he has poor muscle tone and finds all sports difficult and takes ages to learn new skills. My DS loves routines, gets quite emotional when anxious

I have links on my PC but will have to look for them tomorrow.

Ahh another thing i forgot to mention is that he doesnt understand "figure of speech"

If i say im going to kick dd to bed, he thinks im literally going to kick her to bed!

The figure of speech thing is a typical for asd.

A relative of mine has many of the symptoms you describe and has a diagnosis of NonVerbal learning difficulty. He is applying for jobs in coding and has a good university degree. He has difficulty with sequencing steps in a process and has a limited social circle. This condition is part of the autism spectrum and needs a psychologist to make a diagnosis. It helps to understand why he behaves as he does as he can be very annoying!