Is anyone else's husband like this?

[Myhusbandishardwork]

I ve been together with dh for just over 3 years, been married for just over 2 years and we have a dd who is 23 months.

When i first met dh i didnt notice that there was anything different about him. As time went on, i noticed that he was different to anyone else i have been out with. Dh seems to struggle to do everyday things. He doesnt think he has a problem. The things dh struggles with is:

Being able to follow a conversation that people in a group are having. If there are 4 people sat at a table, dh cannot follow the conversation and sits there looking blank.

He has a sensory isssue where he cannot smooth clothing down or bedding. He also cannot touch certain material. He has to wear shoes in the house at all times, and cannot walk barefooted in the house.

If you ask dh a question, he will answer yes when he means no and vice versa.

He cannot remember alot of things in the past. He has had a bad childhood and says hes blocked it all out.

He will start a task, then abandon it and move on to something else without finishing what he originally was going to do.

When i talk to him, and wait for him to respond, he looks at me blankly whilst he processes what i have said.

He asks me to repeat myself alot even though he heard what i said the first time.

If dh baths dd which is rare, he forgets to brush her teeth or even wash her.

Dh does not learn from past mistakes and will repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Dh did go to the doctors regarding these issues, and a lady came to see him, she said she thought he had dyslexia, but he would need to go privately to get a proper diagnose.

I feel he is getting worse and i feel like i have an extra child.

Can anyone advise me on this please

People with traumatic early childhoods are exposed to high levels of cortisol which can affect their executive processing functions, hypersensitivity to noise, over-reacting to things, planning etc can all be affected its also (like a lot of things) often misdiagnosed as ADD.

With chidlrne an EP with a specialism could spot this and suggest strategies but I'm not sure what the adult equivalent would be.

I could be any number of things really.

ADDPlusAuditoryIssues You have my sympathy! I obsess about things as well. It does mean I can become expert at things quickly if I want to.

ChangelingToday It's probably not abuse. My childhood was terrible. I felt like such a misfit. I was not abused, but I definitely do not want to revisit it via counselling. I feel disconnected with it, and that's a good thing.

If he was badly abused he may have PTSD as well, which would explain the memory loss of childhood.

Sorry ChangelingToday, cross post, you were right!

www.ldonline.org/article/24880/

The fact that she didn't mention anything doesn't really tell you anything. Perhaps she wasn't very bright or very observant, perhaps she accepted his oddities without analysis.

:-( poor guy. Would he consider counselling? I know someone close to me with very similar symptoms. She hasn't dealt with it at all and it is affecting her overall health, I've seen her deteriorate mentally over the last ten years although she's in her 70's now.

My dp has some of this, trouble dealing with multiple inputs of information, takes time to process things, needs things repeating, doesn't hear things, forgets key parts of tasks, fears socialising, doesn't learn from mistakes. And is a coder/IT academic and very successful. It's milder than you describe, but what you're saying sounds familiar.

His brother has aspergers and our DS also has some similar traits. But, like you say, it doesn't seem to fit ASD exactly and in some ways he is very unlike the usual ASD profile that his brother fits.

I do wonder if there is some ASD-like condition, but not, that affects some people and goes with coder/IT aptitude.

I have found dp will take the path of least resistance. If I let him behave like another child and did everything for him, he'd let that happen. But I repeatedly ask him to take his share of responsibility and remind him of what needs to be done and hand over responsibility to him, and it does work. It's a drag to have to, but I appreciate all the effort he's made and the fact that things are now much fairer since I stopped just accepting it. He is more likely to stick to his responsibilities if they become an established routine. He is very bad at noticing something needs doing spontaneously.

It can be very hard work.

I'd plump for dyslexia rather than Aspergers- with a bit of dyspraxia thrown in.

The forgetting stuff along with not being able to follow several conversations at once seem to me to say poor short term memory and slow processing speed.

Aspergers, dyslexia and dyspraxia have co-morbidity- the overlap is 30$ between them.

I'd suggest he is assessed by a clinical psychologist- go see your GP or look at / contact the British Psychological Society for names of psychs who can assess privately.

I'm wondering whether he had a head injury in his childhood?

He hasnt mentioned a head injury

Sorry OP

You asked me earlier whether other people notice / think that I am different socially. I forgot to answer.

It's funny, I have had to learn to be social and have done it by trying to model other peoples state of mind as much as I can. It takes conscious effort and lots of practice. It isn't subconcious or instantaneous. it is however, very successful and I have lots of longstanding friends and find it easy to make new ones.

I am sure I come across as non-standard socially, but if your intentions are good and you spend effort on being empathetic and you edit out inappropriate things to say, then you get a lot of success.

There's a lot of enjoyment to be had out of being unusual. it isn't boring!

If you want to know what is wrong contact Dyslexia Action for an assessment or a private ed psych through the BPS.

The BDA British Dyslexia Association has some sorts of 'check lists' on their site where you might find helpful info, as does the Dyspraxia Foundation.

Wow msastronaut your dp sounds exactly like mine!! I really struggle to cope with it sometimes

This might be relevant: My wife has complained about me here on MN about not doing household tasks reliably. I won't link to it. She is much happier about that now, I have been adapting to what she wants. I am a SAHD

I can't really give any useful advice but just wanted to say I found this interesting as I also have major problems with certain materials, smoothing down some types of bedding feels similar to nails on a blackboard, gives me a 'shock', and I am also very uncomfortable in barefeet. I find fabrics that other people find smooth scratchy and horrible. I do have some characteristics associated with dyspraxia, though I don't think I have it as such. Does dyspraxia include sensory issues?

both dyspraxia and sensory issues (and epilepsy too) are associated with ASD

I'd suggest he is assessed by a clinical psychologist

Not just any old clinical psychologist, it needs to be either a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist with experience of diagnosing autism.

There's a whole list of co-morbid disorders with ASD spectrum, dyslexia and dyspraxia are only two of many.

OP if you are in London, you could ask to be referred to the Maudsley which has a specialist ASD Assessment Clinic & specialist Adult ADD/ADHD services. The teams could confer and figure out the parameters of what's affecting him.

If he goes to a dyslexia specialist they will not be able to diagnose the ASD/ADHD issues. If he goes to ASD/ADHD specialists they will also identify dyslexia/dyspraxia and refer him on where appropriate.

LLI perhaps ? Wouldn't explain all of the symptoms but a fair few.
My dp has this along with OCD, it makes living with the man...well...interesting
www.lowlatentinhibition.org/what-is-lli/

My child has asd, ADHD, and dyspraxia. It took ages to get all the diagnoses because there is a lot of overlap of symptoms. Asd is much broader than aspergers, which I think is now not used as a diagnosis in the states for example.
Your dh certainly seems to have lots of sensory issues which go hand in hand with asd/dyspraxia/ADHD. Many people associate ADHD with the hyperactivity element, but it doesn't have to be that obvious, it can be more to do with lack of focus, unless of course it is a subject with the individual is really interested in then focussing can be much easier.
Dyspraxia also involves problems with organisational skills (like ADHD) as well as fine or gross motor skills problems (as well as all the sensory stuff which is a important element).
Asd, ADHD and dyspraxia all can cause difficulties socially.
I now realise my child didn't pick all this up from nowhere! I'm pretty sure I am also on the spectrum, but I don't feel getting a official diagnosis would help me at this stage. What has helped is doing lots of reading on the subject(s) and that way getting to know and understand myself better.

Twinkle Dyslexia is not an autism disorder, though people with ASD can be also be dyslexic.

I have ocd too, perhaps it is all related somewhere. There seems to be a kind of soup of symptoms that present together but in different combinations.

Eh?? I didn't didn't say it was an ASD disorder, I said it can be one of many co-morbid disorders with ASD.

Aspergers maybe. Good luck it's not easy.

LLI often comes in hand with asperges, OCD and ADHD.
It may explain why some of his symptoms are typically asperges and other are totally different.