The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Getting Ready For The Golden Sights Of Autumn In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :) and this is the Bus I've been on a while now!

It's filled with a variety of drinkers. Those that do, those that don't, and those who are desperate to STOP but hide it, or embrace it and get the help they NEED.

'Help' in whatever form works for them, your friend or you. Be it AA, a Local Community Alcohol Counselling Group, your GP, your family/friends, this thread or even a combination of all of the above!

You have to want to stop drinking more than wanting to breathe.

I know that right now, that may sound like a ridiculous goal.

They got sober, One Day At A Time then came here during the process to chat about it, discuss their feelings, but more than anything else, their experiences HELPED OTHERS TO BELIEVE that they too could get dry.

They might not get dry and stay dry, sometimes they'll be lying about their consumption, fooling themselves as well as others

BUT when the posters do get dry for good, come back and post to help others with their tricks of the trade or just to say 'I did it!!' my heart jumps for joy because that person, poster, Brave Babe has gone through hell and back, lived to tell the tale and now wants to share that with the rest of the Bus to see if one simple trick or technique will put them on the track to recovery, sobriety, to the life that they want to lead :)

There's two saying that have appeared to stick with us -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We all have our own reasons for starting to drink 'too much', we all have an excuse don't we.... we all have a "but....."

Well, as I say to Nemo (who you will get to hear about ) - goats butt!

And for those of you who want to know a bit more -

HERE IS THE MOST RECENT THREAD

AND THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

See you soon x

Oh god babyj that made me laugh! Mind you, my solution to such a moment would be to never iron again...

babyjane I have a section overhang / stomach like a deflated udder too - attractive aren't they? To add to the desirability, mine is wonky too. One side hangs down further and wider than the other.

Good luck tonight!

Oh baby, that did make me laugh. I too am a c-section survivor. One reason I shall never be able to have an affair (that and apathy). Oddly enough I am going to buy a new iron tonight as mine blew up this weekend. Shall look for one with a belly guard to be on the safe side. Or at least a long flex so I can stand right back!

hope you need to get a steam iron, they save you soooo much time, changed my life, sad but true!!! Xx

Baby if only something as simple as a steam iron could change my life. It could iron away a bad marriage, job loss and drink problem. Plus fatness and getting old and worrying about money!

OH is ignoring me tonight. Not speaking to me at all. I knew this would come, when his dad died I knew he would find a way eventually to hate me for it. This came about because we were watching TV last night and he came in and we had Pride of Britain awards on and there was something in a hospital (was only half watching it). And he went mental in front of the kids, shouting and screaming and saying he's been surrounded by hospitals and death and how could I be so insensitive and such a selfish bitch? So, I thought, fair point but you could have just said you didn't want to watch it and explained the reason and I would have said fine, let's turn it off and watch something else.

So he's not spoken to me since then. (And called me a c*nt) And the thing is when he starts shouting there is no point in going after him or apologising or explaining. I just wait for it to stop. And of course I do feel sorry for him losing a parent (even though they had an odd relationship) and would like to express sympathy but the gulf between us is so huge I can only do it by offering practical support.

I don't really feel part of their family (you don't when your marriage is on the rocks and you know none of them would bother with you again if you split up, and would actively be against you). So I rarely went to see his dad (we only went a couple of times a year anyway before he got ill) as was always sorting out the kids, and I just know it is going to be brought up again and again, and I will be utterly ostracised and made to feel guilty and walk on eggshells for god knows how long.

There is rumour of money in the will - am even wondering if, after all these years of living off my salary, he is thinking of it as time to get out now finances allow. Especially as I may be out of work soon.

And it's quite sad really. Of course I feel sorry he has lost a parent. And I can't help. Huge gulf between us shows up even more. All quite sad really. Feel like a drink. Not having one. Will check in later. xxx

hope so sorry things are shit. Dh shouldn't be taking it out on you and calling you a c*nt. Do u think u will ever be able to leave?
Another one here with a c section overhang? All 3s Dcs were sections and have left me with a deeply unattractive "gunt". The joys of motherhood

hope say the word darling and I'll stick my boot up his arse.

And I'll use me fat leg an' all, to get a bit more weight behind it.

Are you okay? I get that he is grieving, and that it manifests itself in curious ways, but no need to talk to you like that. No need.

ma I'm almost jealous of the C-section gunts. Mine is courtesy of chips, cheese and gravy. If I looked down in the right light I reckon I could also see supernoodles knitting themselves into my omentum.

Supernoodles knitting themselves into my omentum?? . Wry you are bloody hilarious, cheered me right up! Ate crap again today so glad to have my c-section gut as an alibi.

Ma I won't leave my own house which I paid for by myself while he was off 'writing'. But he may leave me, which would be a win. Hope he inherits enough to do so . In the meantime I have just learned how to make an infographic for dd's homework. Off to bed to read my book soon.

I love you lot xxx

lookingforhope I don't know the background to your relationship but wanted to give support too. Your OH sounds totally unreasonable considering the level of his reaction although I am guessing that, unless he's an utter wanker all the time, there must be a lot more to it. (I'm not excusing him, by the way!) It must be horrific losing a parent, I am not saying it's not, but his behaviour suggests it's far deeper and or more complex than that. I don't know what to share or suggest as I don't know more but wanted to send you a massive cyber hug xxxx (and am SO impressed you didn't drink, that's the first thing I'd have done!)

Ps hope your c section / affair comment struck a cord too! Me and DH get on pretty well but I feel as sexy as a dirty nappy, hence we haven't (and he doesn't seem to bothered which both pleases me and bothers me) for over 2 and a half years! And, not that I want to, but I'd be embarrassed to have an affair even if I wanted to!

Dear me, yet another thing that sounds worse written down

What on earth is a 'gunt' ?! Whatever it is, I think I've got one

A gunt is the bit that hangs down between your gut and your c*nt!
Jeez, Nancy am well jel. Wish dh would give up on it and give me peace. Mind you, erectile dysfunction has been an absolute blessing recently and recent switch to night shift is also helping

Hi,

I haven't read all 5 threads but I have read this one from the start over the past few days. I like how you all seem to really support each other. Today's c-section hang/iron post made me spit my tea out in laughter.

I have a drinking problem and I am now ready to deal with it. Every shameful thing in my life has occurred because I have drunk too much. However, this never stopped me repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I am never sure which is worse, remembering the shameful things or not remembering at all.

The last few weeks I have been drinking more frequently, at home, and often alone. I can't just have a glass or two, I have to finish the bottle. Sometimes more.

Saturday night I finished off a glass left in one bottle and then drank another. I made DH nip to the shop because I didn't want to share my bottle with him. When I do share, I make sure I have more in my glass and will secretly top it up when nobody is looking. I also have the safety net of knowing that there is another bottle waiting.

After finishing the wine I drank three cans of lager. Oddly enough I wasn't anywhere near as drunk as what I should have been. I think it is because that night when I was behaving as I was it dawned on me that I had a problem.

I love the way that alcohol makes me feel. Funny, confident, attractive but at some point without my realising, it turns me into a twat. There was a time I felt all those things without alcohol, and I'd like to feel that again.

When I drink at home it is due to loneliness, boredom, stress, sadness etc. My reasons differ to social drinking. In some ways this is the danger. DH is away a lot and I think it could quite easily slip into a daily thing if I don't nip it in the bud now.

I haven't told anybody IRL. I just said to DH that I was going to lay off it for a while to try and lose a bit of weight before Christmas. I am hoping that maybe I may get some support here as I know it is going to be hard.

Every Sunday I say to myself I'm not drinking next weekend. Every Friday morning I am humming and ahhing about it. Then Friday afternoon I am buying it.

Today is day 4 AF. That is no achievement for me. For me getting through the weekend without having had a drink will be my first real test.

Sorry if long and rambly. Think part of it is trying to make sense of my own thoughts.

What shite timing for my first post.

All seriousness right in the middle of a bit of banter. Talk about killing the party.

I have c section hang too. Was gutted. I thought the reason celebs had sections was because their figures pinged back to normal after. They obviously have a tummy tuck at the same time.

Hello faith hop aboard!

Well done on day 4, it is an achievement in itself you know. Look at our lovely soc, now on her 150th day. It can be done, lass, honest.

Whatever happens, you will find support and friendship on this here bus, for this is how we roll.

xx

Thanks wry x

Hope

ma I'm not getting any either, the ladies on the flat screen won him over long ago.

It appears he puts the W into WB rather than be with me. But it's helping y'know. All part of the weaning process.

baby at the Ironing Incident. baby Tells It Like It is...™!! Now there's a blog I'd follow religiously! As an Ironing fan, do you mean one of the steam generator thingies? I am also in the market for a new iron, and that is one thing I wouldn't mind spending a few pennies on. xx

crabby at it being such a tiny world, honestly didn't realise you followed his blog, we are tuning in, it must be the fat crabby leg I loved the wee one in the top hat, can just see him tap dancing to Puttin' On The Ritz! (Thank you for the cwtch) xx

beaches we are helping you get the most important thing in your house ready. You. There is a squadron of t'internet dusters flicking their way round your hoose, baby has got the ironing licked, and ma knows where the secret doors are so ye can have a minute to yersel. There appears to also be a squadron of ahem, aprons you can hide under when the going gets tough. You, my quine, are sorted. Roll on the weekend! xx

faith grab a season ticket darling, you're here for the long haul! Looking forward to getting to know you. xx

joey how are you doing today, ma quine? How has your day been? My sister loathes ironing, she buys clothes on this basis. If it tumble dries, or line dries crinkle free, it's in the bag. xx

guggs are you okay, lovey? Thinking of you, and wishing you strength and happiness, xx

Evening Nance have you had a good day? I cringe at some of the things I spill on mumsnet, but you know what? I always feel better for airing my views. Like a few of us on here, I'm a 'don't rock the boat' person, being here and being honest, good and bad, without fear or recrimination has been so cathartic. xx

Day 1 almost by,

Hello, tis me, Mouse

We had some very sad news yesterday, one of our very close friends died on Sunday. He had a brain tumour. I didn't know, DH knew but all seemed okay until Sunday :(

Anyway, amazing as it seems, day 3 - NAILED! I'm really proud as sad news is or was a huge trigger and I'm so glad that the WW tempt me and win!

Night all xxx

Morning everyone, late as usual so rushing
day 3 had a serious wobble as tired and stressed but hung tough. I have a sidecar ticket booked for tonight but the challenge is to not get rotten drunk, function tomorrow, and the big one, no wine tomorrow night
Welcome faith myself and nancery are new this week on the bus
Big wave to everyone x

Hi Faith I can relate to a lot of what you are saying ! And, four days alcohol free is good - don't knock it! I haven't managed more than two in a row Also like yourself , i do the wine thing where I pour myself more and I also hate not to have a bit 'extra' in the house just in case ( ie if we have 2/3rds of a bottle I want another in 'just in case.' ) I don't want to talk in real life about the fact I'm now being secretive about it, but am realising from this thread that I / we are certainly not alone! I am trying to re think how I consider having a drink, largely via the book - Allen Carr one - I'm reading. I think some of it is sinking in and it's changing my mind set that pouring a glass is a reward or whatever and a juice just won't cut it.
By the way, a semi grown up soft drink I like is soda with a bit of lime cordial and a few dashes of angostura bitters - may be worth trying?

mouse sorry to hear your news. Xx and bloody well done for not drinking too

mouse sorry to hear your sad news. x

Valrhona Big waves back. Thanks for the welcome! By the way, what is a sidecar??

Hi Nancery You are still trying so that is good.

I have heard a few people mention that book. Some people have said that they no longer want to drink by the time they have finished it. I may have a read of it myself. I am also looking at taking up a hobby. Something I can do when DH away and DC in bed other than drink wine.

Do you want to totally quit or learn to moderate? Ideally I would like to be able to moderate but not sure how well it would work for me.
Have you thought about going to AA? I have, but I am not sure it is for me.
I think I will talk about it in real life once I have got my head round it myself.

I didn't think I liked soda. I never understood why people would ruin a nice glass of wine by adding it to it. Now wonder if I had that thought as I would rather have more wine in my glass!

Good luck today x

I'm well late to the party - so late that I'm going to say I LOVE CLASSY CRAB

guggs, I hope you're OK.

mouse, sorry to hear about your friend, and also about the liver test results. Like you say, it's been caught early and by doing what you're doing and staying AF you can turn it around. It made me think - I was a 50-60 unit per week drinker for a while, and I realise now that because it had been worse than that (90ish) I thought that was kind of OK, not in the 'this might make me seriously ill' range. But reading what you've posted made me realise that it is, and if I go back to doing that and do it long enough, I'll end up with Stage 1 liver disease too. I wish you good health and a lasting recovery

nancery, seems like you're really thinking about your relationship with alcohol, when and why you have it, how you feel before and after. That's great. The power to choose not to drink comes from understanding what's going on and having the right support. Don't think of it as a failure if you don't rack up reams of AF days straight away, you're doing brilliant spadework. Its a long road. The change in me has been a long-term one, and there have been ups and downs, but I really do feel confident now that I'll never return to my worst excesses.

As to why I'm on the Bus: about 5 years ago I was drinking 90 units a week, mostly gin. I behaved atrociously to my lovely husband and put our relationship in danger. It felt like my heart was physically breaking. It was the worst time of my life. I went to the doctor's and was referred to an alcohol counselling service. I went there for a few months and cut right down to 20 units a week. After I left it went back up again and I went to another counsellor, who turned out to be a recovering alcoholic in AA. On his advice I went to an AA meeting, but I had some problems with their philosophy that I just couldn't get through, and didn't go again. I couldn't carry on seeing the counsellor either, as he was evangelical about AA and thought it was the only solution for me. I went to a SMART recovery meeting (like AA but without the God bit) because I knew I had to have some kind of support, but when I got there it was in a horrible end of town and all the people waiting outside were smoking and shouting and mucking around and looked really scary. So I just walked on past

After that I just thought I'd have to do it on my own. But it's really hard to do it on your own, and people around you who don't know what addiction's like don't understand and are scared by it, so they either minimise it or make it into a massive scary boogeyman and think you have to go around calling yourself An Alcoholic forever.

When I started trying to conceive I knew I had to seriously get a handle on it, and I'd need somewhere I could talk. I saw this thread referred to on another bit of MN and came over. And it's great

No God, no judgement, no rules, just women supporting one another.

Phew, what an essay eh?

Hi faith, you sound very nice. I can read the shame in your post, and I just want to say that it'll be OK. You're not the addiction, you're you - it's just the Wine Witch is sitting on your chest and you need to give her a good smack. It'll get better, and you can do it. Good luck with this weekend

wry, knit me a shit auntie scarf! That's about the extent of my knitting skills. (That's a shit scarf made by an auntie, by the way, not a scarf made by a shit auntie )

Waves for everyone else I'd better not NC here for risk of filling up an ENTIRE PAGE.

PS I was talking balls when I said I was 43 days AF before. It's 31. Can't count

Hi faith, x-post there.

Try anything you can would be my advice. AA works for loads of people and there's no harm in taking a look. I've heard that every group is different, too, so if you like the approach but aren't sure about the group you'll probably find another one locally.

You don't have to talk at the meetings either, it's voluntary. So if you don't feel ready to speak IRL you don't have to. Hearing other peoples' stories can really help you to make sense of your own feelings. It was one of the bits of AA I liked.

You can also see a counsellor either through your local drugs and alcohol service, or privately. The alcohol service ones tend to focus fairly closely on your drinking habits, whereas if you see someone privately you can choose a general counsellor who also deals with addiction issues, and talk more broadly about your life, feelings and history.

Aims: Long-term I would like to be able to moderate, but we'll see. For the moment drinking's not an option because of my pregnancy, and I hope a long period of sobriety may realign my habits and routines so that I can build a healthier pattern on the other side. And when I have a child to look after, of course, I'll have a stone-cold reason I can't drink inappropriately.

The sidecar's attached to the Bus. You hop in there if you're deciding to have a night where you drink

faith the 'Sidecar' is where we put Babes who are drinking at the moment. Unless they're on Roger the Regulated Roofrack (for those who can do controlled-drinking)

mouse so sorry to hear about your friend. Stay strong, my dear.

wry yep, I only iron for weddings and funerals. DHs shirts are M&S non-iron; and no-one has ever commented on the kids school uniform not being ironed (except my mother-in-law. And her views don't count, cause she reads the Daily Mail, therefore her opinion is automatically null and void)