Don't feel I can talk to friends/family about this as it's really embarassing tbh.
I've struggled with depression every since some severe bullying between the ages of 13-17. (I'm now 23 so it's been 10yrs since my first ever bout of depression and used to self harm, from 13 til 17). Have been in hospital twice for severe anxiety/depression now which I find really embarassing and most people don't know in rl. I know it's not something you can fully control but people often mistake it as a sign of weakness/not trying etc. (As a shit friend once summed it up 'Oh well I've always been quite strong minded so it's never happened to me...').
I'm much stronger now than I was initially after I left school etc. And having DS was quite a healing experience. But there have been lots of issues (he was born with a orthopedic issue that's only now, at four years old 'sorted', I've been a lone parent the whole time, had to live in a B&B for a while until I found a place etc). So it's safe to say it's been very up and down. I feel much better now but split from ex 3 months ago and still find myself feeling lonely and shitty. He was awful post-split. He was a useless BF but he really upped his twat-game after. Had to call the police twice and then he threatend to kill himself, blaming me. I called his bluff and rang the police again (he wasn't suicidal, obviously but glad I called as he got a right bollocking).
Anway, been no contact which is working well but still find myself dwelling etc. I have to keep reminding myself that he was a piece of shit. Doesn't help that family all think he was just this poor man-child who was sad at being dumped. It's not ok. Someone who does that can't be that nice can they? I would never in a million years treat someone that way or try to manipulate them so cruely, especially if I knew they actually had a history of MH issues themselves. He presents himself so nicely though (don't they all) and it just makes me feel crap that I've come out of it as the bitch. And I'm so annoyed at myself for staying with him for too long and putting up with mistreatment.
Not even sure what I'm asking for but I just needed to vent. On the plus side, I'm moving in a few weeks. He walks past for work everyday which makes me so uncomfortable.