Have you ever told someone to LTB in real life....? Did they?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Just remembered an incident many years ago when a girl I worked with was telling me about her 'lovely' new boyfriend and how caring & attentive he was. After just three dates he was already choosing her outfits, telling her how to have her hair cut and trying to veto her going out with friends for the evening. Not long out of an EA relationship myself at that stage I grabbed the poor girl like a Shakespearean soothsayer and predicted doom and disaster if she didn't LTB. Bless her, she dumped him.

Anyone else?

[BasketzatDawn]

Must add - friend's mother thought marriage should be for life so she should just grit her teeth. Even though her own daughter was being beaten on a regular basis. Stupid naïve woman. It took the B to hit one of the children, and a friend got her to WA and the rest is history. I can't tell you the relief when I heard she had left. She HAD talked of ltb for ages/years, but it needed a catalyst for her to do so.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

No, wish I had for someone very close to me but I figured that she wouldn't and if I'd told her to LTB and she didn't, that she cut off communication.
For now, they are still together and the cheating sod seems to have mended his ways, but short of forking out for a PI there's no way to know which is killing her but she won't admit it and blames herself for being a cow in the first place..... Sigh.

[Vitalstatistix]

yes I have. Begged, actually. And no, she hasn't.

He has had her by the throat, he has hit her, he has cheated on her more than once.

Her fear of being alone and of not coping is greater than her unhappiness about his infidelity and her fear of him hurting her again. I hope every day that she will change her mind.

I don't like to go on at her about it because I don't want her to feel she can't talk to me or that I won't always be there for her.

[BertieBotts]

Yes but it was about five years from the first time I expressed LTB-like sentiments until she actually did leave for good.

Another - nope, still with him. Just bought a house with him .

The third - not sure. I'm not very close to her any more (nothing to do with LTB advice ) but she doesn't have any photos of her (ex?) husband on facebook so who knows.

[juliascurr]

yes - no, she got bailed out by er parents so never used her legal rights and lost her house :(

[MsAstronaut]

No, I tend not to say it (except as a joke) because I'm worried they'll feel more isolated if they don't, IYSWIM, and you disapprove. I have said "I'm ready to support you if you ever decide to leave", and she did about 6 months later.

At the moment I'm struggling not to say it to someone though. I'm kind of gently testing the water with things like "Do you think there's a point where you will have had enough of this?" and "A lot of people would have booted him out by now" but I hesitate to go in all guns blazing.

[FreudianGymSlip]

Yes I have numerous times. Same friend, same waste of space bloke, same old conversations.

She's still with him. I've given up.

[BertieBotts]

Oh, well yes MsAstronaut I do tend to say it like that rather than loudly insisting that the person MUST leave. It's not the same dynamic in RL to on a talkboard IME and it's not appropriate.

[MsAstronaut]

Sometimes in those delicate conversations though it would be kind of refreshing if you could just yell "Oh ffs LTB!" It may yet happen!

[squoosh]

Yes I did.

A couple of months later she left him.

He was a mean old bastard.

[Cakebaker35]

Yes I did - my sister. She was in a nightmare relationship with an alcoholic. I told her 2 yrs into the relationship she should leave but she didn't. They eventually split 9 yrs later when things got worse and he left her with loads of debt. He killed himself a year later. Horribly sad situation all round and she wishes so much she hadn't stayed so long.

[Bobtailstrikesagain]

Yes - to two friends. One did and still thanks me for it.

The other hasn't but knows she needs to. All I can do is stand by and support her.

[mrsmaturin]

Yes I have and they sort of have done - it's a work in progress.......

[SnakeyMcBadass]

No, but I want to. A thoroughly lovely woman married to a total arsehole. He is rude and obnoxious to everyone and she nervously makes excuses. I don't ever mention him, but I refuse to be bullied away by this wanker leaving her alone. I'll be there if she ever needs me. I want to say something, but I don't think she's ready :(

[BioSuisse]

Yes, i told a close friend to LTB after he seriously and deliberatly put her life in danger. Now they are married with a DD and i have to fawn over their happy family pictures. Whether he is still sleeping with prostitutes, taking drugs, bleeding her bank account dry and threatening to drive her into the path of an oncoming lorry in order to kill her...i don't know. Whenever she talks about him now he is a saint who could rival Peter Andre in dad of the year contest. She is fucking blind.

[skrumle]

yes - she did eventually but not before she married him and had a child with him. must have told her to LTB hundreds of times over the years - got tiring...

[Twinklestein]

It's extraordinary the level of self-deception some women are capable of.

The friend's bf I mentioned wasn't afaik using prostitutes, taking drugs or her money: he simply consistently said he wanted to split, turned up 30 mins late every time they met for 2 years, avoided her, told her she was fat, over-emotional and a chicken. But when we told her to LTB she just lay back and dreamed of romance.

[Anotherchapter]

Yes. To my cousin . She didn't though. Horrible pervy twatty man.

[AnyFucker]

1. Yes, eventually she ended it
   
   
2. No, she didn't and they are still together (and still fucked up)
   
   
3. No, he left her (after giving her a kicking)
   
   A mixed bag then

[QuietNinjaTardis]

Yes over 6 months ago I gently suggested that her dick of her husband wouldn't change and maybe her and her dc were better off away from him. Didn't see her until last week and she told me she kicked him out 6 weeks ago. She looked like a different woman. She was smiling and looked lighter and I was so pleased I punched the air in delight which made her laugh

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Yes, but it took her a long time (and some violence on his part )

Someone told me to LTB and it took me years. We had lost touch by then and years later I noticed a message in my other folder on FB. It was from the friend. I allowed him to tell me he 'told me so' once.

[Sandthorn]

Yep. She agreed that he was poisonous for her, but she's still with him. I don't see them much, and maybe things are better than they were, but I still thinks an unhealthy set-up.

[iseenodust]

Yes. It wasn't quite LTB but 'if you want to go I will help you'. She knew it wasn't a good marriage but was hanging in there for their two daughters. She rang a couple of weeks later and said can you come tomorrow while he's at work?

[ommmward]

Yes, very gently. She didn't LTB. She was right to stick with him - I was completely wrong about the situation, working on partial information (from her). It really taught me a lesson about judging other people's relationships from the outside. I'm so glad she did not listen to me.

[sofluffyamgonnadie]

Yes, my sister, although at the time we lived in different parts of the country and I was there for the weekend. She'd had a beating the previous night, she left there and then in the back of my car with the clothes she stood up in.