At the beginning of our relationship I was insecure and used to question whether he loved me or not. He once said to me "if ever I stopped loving you, you'd know. It would be obvious."
Well yes, I'm starting to see that.
4 weeks ago we went on holiday, just the two of us. It was a beautiful place full of beautiful people and scenery and we were having the most amazing time. We argued twice. First time because I was upset at the state of one of our hotels. It was a complete shit hole and I'm no diva. It was a concrete shanty shack with no working shower, no toilet, a padlock on a rotten wooden door for security and an old shitty mattress thrown on a concrete slab as a bed. Of course I was upset. But he went mental and said I was out of order for not being positive and he refused to talk to me for the rest of the day until I apologised (which I did, not sure why!) and begged for him to just drop it so we could get on with our holiday. This was the first time I looked at him and really thought "what a nasty piece of work you can be".
Second time we argued because he got drunk and decided to turn on me for something we'd both been laughing about 5 minutes previous.
So we got back from this holiday two weeks ago and he's been absolutely awful to me ever since. Keeps picking arguments with me, snapping at me, twisting everything I say into an argument - it's just driving me mad. I've done nothing to deserve all this, he just seems to have turned on me for no reason in the past month or so.
This past week has been torturous - so much so that I found myself opening a "post relationship savings account". I don't want us to break up but I can't understand why he's being so horrible to me.
On Tuesday we were on our way to shop and he said something about wanting to go on holiday to Canada. Normally he won't discuss future holidays until we've done our next planned one so, as we have Italy planned I became worried that he didn't want to go to Italy anymore (as he never shows any enthusiasm for it when I mention it yet all of a sudden was raving on about Canada) so I simply said "you do want to go to Italy still don't you?" This was said lightly, totally non-confrontational. He went mental and started really shouting at me, swearing, telling me to chill the fuck out and be fucking flexible and stop being so fucking self centered. Even if he was pissed off at me for saying the wrong thing (????) there was no need to shout and ball at me like this surely. I was upset but tried not to show it too much as that same day we had a 3 hour drive to a campsite for us and the kids and I didn't want the kids feeling an atmosphere.
When we got to the campsite all was going well - then he'd had a few drinks and started getting really arsey. His eldest son and I were laughing about the shape of a burger and we went mad at me, shouted me down in front of his kids, told me I was supposed to be sorting out the music (I had) and then made yawning gestures at his kids about me. His youngest scarpered and went to bed and his eldest just sat looking really uncomfortable (I was thankful they didn't join in actually! very mature of them I thought.)
After that he carried on making comments about me, ignoring me when I spoke, shaking his head at me, snapping at his eldest DS (who said to me "it's best not to react, it's safer" and then buggered off to bed!!!!!!) It was awful.
Next day, he was off with me all day until I made an effort to make the peace (just cos his kids are here all week and I feel awkward). Today he's just kicked off again. I realised we had saturday night to ourselves as my kids are at their dads and his kids will be going home, it's VERY rare that we have a saturday night to ourselves as his kids come EVERY weekend so I suggested we do something nice. Well he kicked off, said I'm trying to start an argument, said he'd rather I go to work and earn some money and basically said no and that I was ridiculous for even suggesting it. So here we are, not talking AGAIN because I dared to suggest we take the opportunity to do something nice Saturday night.
What the fuck is going on? it feels like mental torture. I feel like the kid that doesn't want to go to school because nobody likes her and she gets bullied for saying the wrong thing. All this started a month ago. I just don't understand it.