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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do men have affairs?

43 replies

TheCODfather · 05/04/2004 16:28

I always think my dh couldnt be arsed to be unfaithful("TWO women?" he asks incredulously)unless a woman targetted him ..

what do you think?

why would some men risk it all when the marriage appears to be happy?

OP posts:
Janh · 05/04/2004 16:30

Very horny men?

Fio2 · 05/04/2004 16:30

It always worries me tbh my husband has always been faithfull, but my dad was a serial adultere and its just 'there' isnt it

TheCODfather · 05/04/2004 16:30

Is it only sex?

why do more men have affaris than women

woemn too busy?

OP posts:
Janh · 05/04/2004 16:31

it's ok fio, your dh can't have caught it off your dad!

dinosaur · 05/04/2004 16:31

Because some people (men and women) get a thrill from doing something they shouldn't/being somewhere they shouldn't/being with someone they shouldn't.

And because they think they're clever enough not to get caught.

And because everyday life gets quite boring - doesn't it?

CountessDracula · 05/04/2004 16:32

Maybe they have scary, scaley wives that smell a bit fishy

Fio2 · 05/04/2004 16:33

LOL jan!

My Mum did everything that was asked of her, honest! we have a very close relationship but my Dad is just selfish - wanted his cake and ate it

dinosaur · 05/04/2004 16:33

I think men probably have more opportunities!

lavender1 · 05/04/2004 16:34

if they're not getting it, they go elsewhere, sad fact but true, as men are driven by their brains of course

Fio2 · 05/04/2004 16:34

life gets frightening too, I reckon its to do with being frightened of your own mortality

bbensley · 05/04/2004 16:34

I think in order to have an affair there must be a woman prepared to take the risk too. Not all down to men?

Fio2 · 05/04/2004 16:35

not if its a single woman - no risk

dinosaur · 05/04/2004 16:35

very true fio2

bbensley · 05/04/2004 16:36

theres a risk in that he will never be totally yours?

Fio2 · 05/04/2004 16:37

I think alot of single women arent bothered about commitment tbh not with a married man anyway

dinosaur · 05/04/2004 16:37

But why should a woman who wants to have an affair be any more bothered about commitment than a man?

lavender1 · 05/04/2004 16:37

bblensey????what do you mean, sorry don't understand>

bbensley · 05/04/2004 16:38

depends on whether its lust or love?

Fairyfly · 05/04/2004 16:38

I was very busy and sressed and couldn't be bothered massaging his ego anymore, he was very insecure. Then i realised someone else was telling him how fantastic and talented he was in the background. I sympathised with his problems for a long time and praised his Poetry. This was just a new begining for him to hear it all again.

katierocket · 05/04/2004 16:38

how do you know that more men than women have affairs?

bbensley · 05/04/2004 16:38

which bit lavendar1?

dinosaur · 05/04/2004 16:40

yeah, that's it fairyfly

it's something to do with not quite being able to accept that relationships do get past that first flush of mutual adoration and lots of shagging

lavender1 · 05/04/2004 16:44

hi bblensey, the bit "there's a risk that he will never be totally yours?

Blu · 05/04/2004 16:46

The flattery that feeds their egos
The fact that they compartmentalise things more so see it as 'separate' from their relationship
Less risk-averse
More testosterone driven
'Culture': expected of 'lads', nudge nudge.

As far as I can see, men who are 'getting it' are just as likely to have affairs as those that aren't, Lavender.

Fio2 · 05/04/2004 16:48

I think we just have to accept some people are just SAD