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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

please someone read my post!

62 replies

ggg123 · 25/08/2014 21:33

Iv logged on to hopefully feel less lonely. I am a 35 year old single mum who has been single for 3 years, well up until 6 months ago. Its true what people say you need to find you after a divorce and I completely have, went back to college, lost 3 stone made new friends even dated (terrible bad luck with men) learnt so much along the way about relationships but here I am desperate for some advice. This guy is younger with 3 kids of his own who lives back at home. He has bought me flowers, a lovely gift for my birthday and has recently met my2 cchildren and is fabulous. Now im gonna sound a right ungrateful cow. He is so predictable always says what I want to hear without even listening if you get me? I can do no wrong. So hard to explain. He works nights and I work long days and when there not long I like to spend time with my girls. He has his kids every weekend cos his ex works. He wants to meet with the kids all the time (at my house) which is nice but its hectic enough being a working single mum. When do we have time to go out? On the 3 occasions we have I felt all panicky. I don't feel excited to see him or dont think about him like he does me. I probably sound selfish but maybe im emotionally damaged? Why am I moaning all of my friends have reasons to moan about their boyfriend's/husbands. I am moaning because I don't feel excited :( we haven't slept together yet either. This really isnt fair on him is it? What if this is what it should feel like. My mum says im older now its not the same.

OP posts:
PlantsAndFlowers · 27/08/2014 11:47

He gets his kids on the phone to you and tells you they love you?

You haven't even had sex yet and he's dragging his kids into playing happy families!

WTF?! Run like the wind!

ggg123 · 31/08/2014 16:11

It took me days to do it, but I have told him I don't feel the same as he does. He just said he feels stupid that he was so open about his feelings and I should of told him weeks ago that I didn't feel the same.He then said whats said is said and he can't just turn off his feelings and he can't be that great of a guy when im the 2nd person to not love him back And then said Oh well cant be helped thats life!
I feel a bit sad but thats normal isnt it? Probably because im back on the Singleton scene again (don't enjoy dating)

OP posts:
Hissy · 31/08/2014 16:28

so 'you should have said'... erm, you are saying it now.

the guilt tripping about the 2nd person is bollocks too.

you're going to have to be firm here love. I sense more snot and tears coming your way.

Hissy · 31/08/2014 16:33

oh and he was an idiot to have 'been so open about his feelings'

he was an idiot to have involved his children to add to the guilt trip trap

DON'T throw yourself back into dating too soon, learn from this and look at your boundaries. trust your instincts and congratulate yourself on recognising that this wasn't right and questioning it.

the guy is a fexking loon :)

ggg123 · 31/08/2014 16:36

Yeah I said its been difficult to find time to speak and thats why im saying it now. I will be firm, its like hes mad at me but I can't help my feelings can I? He also said hope youffind someone that makes you happy because I obviously couldn't.

OP posts:
ggg123 · 31/08/2014 16:41

No I won't date straight away, I have to mentally prepared for that! Your right and it wasn't until I posted on here that I realised properly so im so grateful for the advice.
I just hope he moves on now and I don't have to say anymore because its been horrible telling him today :(

OP posts:
Hissy · 31/08/2014 16:41

that sounds a bit PA of him.

if you get him being snarky, just remind him that there's no need to continue contact.

Hissy · 31/08/2014 16:44

of course it's been horrible, but that's because you've got a good heart and are kind.

you had to tell him, it wasn't right for you and would have been a complete disaster. you really HAVE saved yourself a lot of aggro.

ggg123 · 31/08/2014 16:50

Yeah I know its for the best. Thanks again really appreciate it :)

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springydaffs · 31/08/2014 21:26

I cried my eyes out when I finished with my first boyf. Proper sobbed, which wasn't the right thing to do, of course, but it just is sad.

Well done, you did the right thing. Take no notice of what he said - hopefully he'll feel embarrassed at saying such self-pitying rubbish.

ggg123 · 31/08/2014 21:59

Its horrible hurting people but I know I'm doing it for him too, he deserves someone that can love him back.
This dating is so so hard.

OP posts:
PlantsAndFlowers · 01/09/2014 02:30

You have so done the right thing!

Of course it's natural that he's sad if he didn't want to break up. But it isn't your job to make him feel better.

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