Me & DH been bad for a while. No sex for a year, even before then him suggesting condoms. I've felt I needed to get out for a long time, keep trying to raise it, DH happy with how it is. He has been off sick from work since Nov (depression) As i see it, unwilling to do anything to support his recovery, always saying 'ill wait for meds to work' ill see what a therapist can do' - I've bought him books, suggested exercise, talked things through (also I don't see he is depressed, low mood and being jacked off maybe but not depressed) Planning nights out on the lash, weekends away with the boys, playing footy - motivated to do lots of things that he wants but not the other dull stuff like work or household stuff. he returned to work in April ( i found a letter recently that said he'd be going on half pay on 3 April, he returned 31 march. hes had 3 extra periods of sick since (currently off for another 4 wks - usually during periods he would've been having his annual leave so getting that back iyswim) Over summer it led to him watching footy or films &me going to bed putting lil one to bed, then him 'not wanting to disturb' going in spare room. This has continued - by us both - I'm not wanting to be intimate with him & been seriously suspicious over last few months. I told him 2 weeks ago we needed to separate formally. There isn't a relationship. He wants to keep it how it is.
Fast forward to seeing texts ( about 6 all flirty to different numbers) all saying about meeting up or going to swinging club) I go to check on a swinging site & there he is, with 4 different recommendations on what a great lover he is. I've been at a family event this weekend with little one - he's been saying how quiet the house has been, had difficult time not seeing lil one - well all accounts say hes been at one woman's house, a swinging club the next night with details of what happened in a private room. Hmmm, really quiet time. Very poorly& depressed.
He's out at a mates now, watching footy, drinking. I can't say anything tonight when he gets in as hell have had a drink & I know its not the time. I need him sober.
I want him out - I'm humiliated. I think hell say he won't go. I need advice. How do I handle it?