Narcissistic parents- why do I keep letting them upset me?

[TheysayIamparanoid]

Yesterday I veered between being very upset and feeling intense rage towards my NP. So many things I was going to ring up and say, but forced myself to wait till today, until I could think clearer. I woke up feeling calmer today, thankfully!

My sister is the golden child and they all live in the same village. Her and her family never want for anything. I used to be jealous of this, especially when I have struggled financially or when I had no support from them through cancer treatment.
Maybe they MIGHT care if i lived nearer, but then I realised that would be a much too high price to pay!

There have been far too many times when my DC have been ignored. My DD wedding was 4 years ago and although my mother came, he didn't, was too ill to travel the 2 hours (he wasn't, just couldn't be bothered)

Anyway, yesterday I saw photos of my neices wedding abroad (lots of hours of travel) And both NP were there. It was the final straw.
Its been a long time since i raged and cried as much as i did yesterday.

So today I have stopped any of that side of the family's posts in my news feed. I have finally seen them for what they are.

The thing I'm having trouble with though is how upset I still am that they don't care. I still feel like the 8 year old who, when told them I had been abused, they said I deserved it and was probably lying anyway, I remember that like yesterday.
How do I let go of being upset that they never really cared?

[bauhausfan]

Luckily, I am happily married - DH also comes from difficult circumstances so he is very sympathetic. We've got 2 DC who are always telling me how much they love me so I am lucky really. It was a lot worse when I was single.

[TheysayIamparanoid]

It has screwed me up for a lot of years and thankfully my DC are very forgiving for me being a crap parent when I was drinking, sober a long time now!

[TheysayIamparanoid]

I've been single a few years now, all my XP were N! So have spent a long time trying to figure out why I attract them! I know now that its because thats all I thought I deserved!

[TheysayIamparanoid]

oh dear, I just posted this on facebook

How can parents justify being total dicks??
They can't/ don't/ won't!
Sometimes we just have to face up to the fact that they just don't give a shit!!
Disgusting

Am sick of keeping up the pretence that they are good people

[Aussiebean]

My husband. Who took a while to really understand why I would want to have nothing to do with my narc mum, shuts down any of the comment from people who don't understand.

He says aussiebeans mum is a really bi**h and we have little to do with her.

He then changes the subject. Next time you get that, maybe try something short, sharp and change the subject.

Like, I am very happy for you that you have come from a home where you haven't had to deal with abusive parents. Now have you seen the weather forecast.

People don't get it. They are lucky in that respect, but they can't and shouldn't try and guilt us.

[TheysayIamparanoid]

Also my heart is breaking for my daughter who just found out about the wedding, she said she doesn't care but she knows what they are like because when she was about 6 she was staying over at theirs and he hit her. I told him: (excuse the language) that I would 'kick his fucking head in' if he ever laid a finger on her again- he never did

And, thinking about it, my son goes along with their 'sweeping everything under the carpet to forget it'

At least I have woken up today realising they are never going to change because they don't see anything wrong in how they are

[GoodtoBetter]

Cut them out, seriously. I don't say that lightly. I have just finally come to the end of the road with my narc mum and am now NC. Should have done it years and years ago.

[TheysayIamparanoid]

Yes, NC and out of my head eventually too!

[Aussiebean]

Hi goodtobetter.

I am so sorry that it has come to that. You tried so hard for what? 2 years? To support your mum and have a relationship her. But for what it is worth, I know that you would have tried everything and there is nothing more that you could have done and can go forward knowing that.

Op. It is really hard to go no contact and nobody does it lightly. Everyone here gets that here and knows the pain. It gets easier with time and it will be worth it.

[GoodtoBetter]

Hi Aussie! Yes, I tried really hard (too hard) for almost 2 years, but she is just incapable of normal relationships and if she ever feels slighted/insulted/excluded (mostly without reason) she goes for the kill. I can't win. The only way to win is not to play.

[Aussiebean]

. For you good to better and you op.

For when ever it gets hard.