Great...another prick. Gutted.

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Met this guy through work, though we don't work for the same organisation. Been in professional contact with him for a couple of months now.

About a month ago we started texting and things got flirty! He said he really liked me, etc. and we got on so well. Anyway, we slept together on Friday. It was fantastic and I've really started to like this guy.

Was speaking to my friend about him and she asked to see a pic. I didn't have any so she suggested Facebooking him. I did but his profile was mostly private. There was a picture of a woman, however, and she was tagged in it. I clicked on her profile and lo and behold, it appears he is married, with a son about 5/6 and his wife is roughly 6 months pregnant.

I feel absolutely gutted. I genuinely liked this guy. And look, he's a knob. I've got to see him through work still.

I text and told him I was disappointed and upset to find out he had a family and that his wife is expecting. He replied and said he was sorry but he really liked me.

I didn't reply but felt like saying 'erm, so?! you have a family you plank!'

God, I'm still so young. But I'm so jaded.

[sonjadog]

Ugh, horrible man. At least you discovered now and not six months down the line.

[Pinkfrocks]

Baker no one is 'victim blaming'.

What a silly thing to say.

It's about protecting yourself from men like this who aren't all they seem.

Unless you know for certain that a man is not married then it's expedient, IMO, to look a bit more closely at his status_ on FB or anywhere!!!!

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Pink - apologies that I don't do things the way you do! Sorry that I'm a single mother who works full time and doesn't get much opportunity to go on 'real dates'.

[Charlie97]

Bitter, you are very bitter! OP did nothing wrong, she wanted sex with a man she fancied, she took him at face value.

He was totally wrong to make out he was single, he was wrong to betray his wife.

Sorry OP, there are good ones out there, sorry he messed with you.

Have a glass of , get an effigy of him and stick pins in it.

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Charlie - the is chilling in the fridge.

I'm just looking forward to the bullshit story he's going to spin me. The baby was an accident, he's just waiting for the right time to leave. Blah blah blah.

[Pinkfrocks]

Why the sarcasm Happy?
You asked for advice.
If all you want are flirty texts then sex and seem to think this is all your deserve due to being a single parent then that's your choice.
But you did ask for advice. Shame you take offence when some of us say you have some responsibility in these matters.

[LoveTheSmellOfCucumber]

Stop over reacting to bitter's posts!

She was just pointing out how to minimise the chances of being a Marriex Player's prey next time round.

Victim blaming!? Op had sex with a man she was attracted to. His bad behaviour not hers, but acknowledging that, it is still possible to reduce the chances of walking into that trap again!

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

You basically said it was my fault for jumping into bed with him. What if he had been single? It would have been okay for me to sleep with him then. The only difference is that he is married and that is absolutely nothing to do with me. To insinuate otherwise is ridiculous.

So excuse me if I don't regulate my sarcasm.

[Frogisatwat]

Oh I feel shit now as I also said do your research.... I guess you can 'research' as much as you like but if they are a lying scumbag they are a lying scumbag. Apologies

[MrsTerryPratchett]

FWIW I bet he gets off FB now or hides everything. As Frog says homework won't stop a scumbag being a scumbag.

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

OP this isn't your fault at all. A friend of mine has recently found out that the man she was planning to marry is already married. They had been together a few years. Some men are bloody convincing liars.

[BakerStreetSaxRift]

You basically said it was my fault for jumping into bed with him. What if he had been single? It would have been okay for me to sleep with him then. The only difference is that he is married and that is absolutely nothing to do with me.

Exactly, Happy.

It's also possible to avoid getting mugged by not leaving your house after dusk.

[Pinkfrocks]

Look- it's quite simple OP.

Stop being so defensive and start thinking.

If you know bugger all about a man who's intent on getting into your knickers and not much else- either before or after wining and dining, or not- then it helps protect you from outcomes like this to do some digging. it's 2014- Google throws up all sorts unlike when I was dating in pre historic times.

If you choose not to do any digging then don't go into shock when someone is not what you thought. They aren't going to wear a sign on their heads saying Married.

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Frog - it's okay. I think I have learnt my lesson now. I've never looked up someone online before. However, when I did, it took all of 5 seconds to find out the truth, so there's obviously some merit to it.

Baker - you've got a great sense of humour.

Pink - I understand what you mean and I apologise for being defensive. Your earlier posts came across very harsh and as though you were saying it was my own fault.

[candyce83]

What the hell is with all the trolls? The poor girl was duped into sex with a guy who lied about his relationship status? That is her fault how? What happened to women being allowed to have a sexuality?

OP don't listen to some of these women on here, clearly they have an agenda and their comments are more about them and not about you!

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

It's also perfectly possible for people to have more than one FB account with different friends on each

[Fairenuff]

I would text back, 'So are you going to tell your wife, or shall I?'

[Viviennemary]

I can't believe people are blaming the OP for this. How on earth was she to know she had an encounter with a deceitful cheat. It's in no way her fault. It's a sorry state of affairs if you need a signed note from the registry office saying your date isn't married.

[Sallyingforth]

I just came back to this thread and I'm appalled at all the bitter and bitter comments. Are we supposed to hire a private detective and do an online search before sleeping with a guy?

The OP got to know him for a month before getting into bed. He behaved well and she enjoyed his company. She is single,
and believed he was too.

SHE DID NOTHING WRONG!

[Pinkfrocks]

Happy I never blamed you.
I was suggesting what you might do to help it not happen again.

I'd say the same to someone who was doing online dating and didn't know much about a guy- always google someone and see what comes up.
It's about protecting yourself. (Google usually throws up 192 as a top of the list anyway)

There are lots of good guys out there and there are some bastards. They don't come with labels so it's up to us women to get one step ahead and not end up being used by the bastards.

[Sickoffrozen]

I had an experience like this a good few years ago! Slept with a bloke on a weekend away and spent the next two years seeing him on and off. Didn't for one minute think he was married but his job was one that had very irregular hours and he was able to call/meet up/text most times. He used his mates flat as his shagpad when I said let's stay at yours and I really didn't have a clue!

Turns out he got married a month after that weekend first shag and slept with me for 2 years, the first two years of his marriage!

It can happen to anyone.

[bitnonplussed]

It can happen to anyone.

Because of this thread I looked up a bloke who has been messaging me OD who claims to have been divorced since 2011. Whaddya know?

Status: August 2011 - Got Married.

It can happen to anyone.

[LoveBeingInTheSun]

Op you've done nothing wrong

[TwoHeadedDolphin]

Bad luck, OP, and that's all it was. Plenty of women have lived with men for years without knowing they were being cheated on. It's not difficult to deceive someone you don't live with even after months or years of dating.

You're entitled to assume that someone who's interested in you is free and single in the absence of evidence to the contrary whether you choose to sleep with them an hour, a week or a month after meeting.