What do you do when you can't orgasm from penetration?

[NameChange2828]

I can't. Sex is mainly for DH and only lasts as long as it takes him to orgasm. Not just his fault but more that there's no point in carrying on after that.

We know we need to do something but not sure what. I'm not into oral sex either so that won't work but I wondered what other people who can't orgasm from penetration do?

I can sometimes, but if not or I want seconds. I Mastibate afterwards with him cuddling me, kissing my nipple etc.

No big deal with always done it and no ones ever bothered to get uptight about it.

Me neither (mostly). How do you masturbate? Maybe try that technique while he is inside you??

Fingers? I've never orgasmed from PIV but that's no excuse for DH to be selfish. Make sure there's lots of foreplay and preferably you come first (either DIY or DH), then your DH gets to finish. Men tend to zonk out so need to wait politely until the end in that case.

Have you tried to go on for longer to see if you can?
What usually happens after he's finished and penetrative sex is over?

Has he tried the alignment technique? That always has hit the spot for me and I have multiples.....

I suspect the numbers of women who can orgasm purely through penile penetration are few and far between. I'm a wizened old bag now with little likelihood of ever enjoying intimate relations ever again, but partners in the past have ensured I achieved my "happy ending" before they went for theirs.

If oral's not for you then it's manual stimulation or a toy, isn't it? Either before, during or after. Or all three!

He makes sure you have an orgasm first and then it's him, or he sorts you out after he comes.
Fingers do it for me really well.

How long does it take it for him to orgasm, though, and how much foreplay do you get, and what other stimulation do you get during PIV?

dh either uses his fingers to bring me to orgasm beforehand or I use my fingers during sex and orgasm that way instead

DH usually gets me to the brink of an orgasm beforehand and then I finish where he left off whilst we have sex.

Whats all this about having to do it yourselves with your own fingers. Would the men accept this by having to bring themselves off every time if the situations were reversed? I think not

Far fewer women can orgasm through penetrative sex than those who can't.

You can use fingers, dildos and various other objects and body parts; all it takes are some time and imagination.

Also, it's worth bearing in mind: it takes about 45 minutes for a woman to become fully aroused and engorged (not just aroused; and "being wet" is not an indication of full arousal). If people paid full attention to engorgement, then in all likelihood the ability for many women to orgasm with penetration would increase significantly.

I'm a sex educator and coach, btw.

I never used to be able to orgasm through sex but still always enjoyed it and my partner normally made me before hand through various stimulant mentioned above, I ended up buying myself a toy that was designed for gspot stimulation and experimented myself, I can honestly say that sex now feels even more pleasurable and I am able to orgasm from it tho not all the time

Gatewalker what about the CAT alignment technique. I have never had any trouble orgasming through penetration and realised that I naturally orgasm in this position. It really hits the spot so to speak.

Yes, that will work, Milli, because the penis is stimulating the urethral sponge ("G-spot") both internally and externally, as well as the clitoral system (which consists of glans, shaft, and two 'legs' that run around the vaginal entrance) and the vestibular bulbs. Stimulation will work better the more engorged all of these areas are.

Women really do have an intricate arousal system, and the more we educate ourselves about it, the more pleasure we can experience.

We get so I'm quite close (good silicone lube and lota of sexual contact without penetration) and then proceed to penetration when I say that I am nearly ready, but after penetration he doesn't move to orgasm until I let him know that I am ready for that. If necessary he will pause or change position so that he can last out the extra minute or two. I always climax as I go first and he at the same time of a few moments later.

Interesting what gatewalker says, my ideal "session" is approx or just under one hour (not that I always get that of course!)

Are you me op ?!

And op, I missed this, but "sex is only as long as it takes him to orgasm but its not his fault"!!! What????? That absolutely is his fault and is really poor bedroom etiquette.

Gatewalker. Yes the g spot does it for me every time and I have multiples, at least 4, when we have sex. Im not into foreplay though, never have been really. For me it all starts in the mind and lots of kissing.(mouth kissing).

Foreplay absolutely includes mind/fantasy and kissing, so perhaps it's just your definition of foreplay, Milli? :)

OP, I agree with Koala on this: it sounds like this is not so much about sex as about how you relate to both your husband and how you feel about yourself.

I'm with Koala on this. My DH wouldn't finish until I had. We would not have 'had sex' if it was just him and not me too, so he would not let what you describe happen OP. I think you need to tell him it's not working for you and for you to both try something new. At the moment he is just having sex on you and not with you, where's the joy in that? He must know it's not right surely?

Top Tip: flick the bean while doing the deed - that often works! If not, we have some finger time afterwards - I never come just from penetration.

I had a boyfriend who was horrified when I started to touch myself during sex - he was a twat and crap in bed. You should both feel free to express yourself. Sounds like he's either very selfish or you both have problems expressing your wants and needs.

Yes I guess it is Gate. Something has just always worked between us, very well. Been together 30 years.

There is very little foreplay, a minute or two then sex is under 5 minutes.

I've never really made it clear that I have a problem with now things are so that's why I can't really blame him. My sex drive was non existent after having kids too and it's just coming back which is why I'm addressing the situation now.