What do you do when you can't orgasm from penetration?

[NameChange2828]

I can't. Sex is mainly for DH and only lasts as long as it takes him to orgasm. Not just his fault but more that there's no point in carrying on after that.

We know we need to do something but not sure what. I'm not into oral sex either so that won't work but I wondered what other people who can't orgasm from penetration do?

YY Koala And the second sentence. "Sex is mainly for DH."

OP, how about making a commitment to yourself to start changing the way you communicate with your husband about sex and about your desires, and to educate yourself about how your body works and what it needs to feel pleasure?

Sex isn't just "sex": it reflects both how you feel about yourself and your relationship. So the way you'll settle for being treated and treating yourself will be played out between the sheets.

Find out what it feels like to start using your voice, to asking for what you want, and to put boundaries down around what you will not tolerate. If you can't do that, then maybe ask yourself why.

NameChange Im sorry as I know I have already mentioned it on the thread but have a look at CAT alignment technique. This is known the help many women achieve orgasm and its a very loving full contact position.

If you stopped expressing it is a "problem" either in your mind or out loud to your husband, that might be a start. Your needs are different now, perhaps. Many, many women wouldn't be anywhere near properly aroused with only a couple of minutes of foreplay, never mind in the that final stage to orgasm. Ask him to pleasure you until you've come and then he gets to PIV

I'm with gatewalker on this RE actual arousal/engorgement. To be frank, I have come to the conclusion that most people are doing sex wrong
It's not the same as wanking, and shouldn't be put in the same timeframe. I can climax through penetration if I am really turned on by the time penetration happens, but this can take a while (although not always).
I also learned that, aside from slowing down the build up, slowing down the actual act works. Anyone remember the "jackhammer" scene in Sex and the City? Kinda like the opposite of that!

Op, yes ask him if you can try something different. Is he fairly inexperienced with other women?

I can't imagine a man not having an orgasm because you came first and stopped, they would get really pissed about it. Why some think it's ok if women don't are selfish.

Ladies first in my house.

Isn't it something like only up to 30% of women orgasm through penetration? So from that point of view, you're with the majority.

But almost no foreplay and then just 5 minutes? I wouldn't have thought any woman would be ready to orgasm from that, unless it's a brand new relationship where you're gagging for it all the time - but in that case, the foreplay's all going on in your head beforehand anyway.

Quite a lot of it is mental as much as physical, and you can hardly have got your mind into the right gear after just 5 minutes, let alone your body. Was it better before you had children, or has it always been like this?

Experiment by yourself (fingers, vibrator); experiment with him, trying different positions. Spend time touching each other and cuddling up without any penetration. And talk to him - I've never met anyone who's psychic, so it's unfair to expect others to just know what you think and feel if you don't help them along the way. Mind reading is not a successful solution for communication.

So after he's finished do you bring yourself to orgasm?
Has it always been like this, few minutes of foreplay then quick penetrative sex, or is it something that has evolved out of you not being able to orgasm through penetration?
The reason I ask is that it's not very surprising you can't if that is what has been happening. But it can change and hopefully with a bit of communication you can try different things that can work for you.

"To be frank, I have come to the conclusion that most people are doing sex wrong"

IfNotNowThenWhen - I have come to that conclusion too. If anyone is interested in expanding their view of what is possible, a great place to start is this book:

"Women's Anatomy of Arousal" by Sheri Winston.

Im surprised by the number of women that cant orgasm through penetration to be honest. Never knew I was the odd one out. It shouldn't be that way, should it?

I can but it takes a while and DH spends ages making sure I am getting there before we get to the 'final furlong' so to speak, and that usually works. Position has to be right - I agree about CAT. He is really good at holding on and not finishing until I orgasm. He knows what positions and angles put the pressure in the right places
I can't just through oral but it helps get me close. Fingers and nipple stimulation work best if it doesn't happen during penetration. Sometimes we use a vibrator- him or me- on me after he's come. Just how it is, there is no embarrassment; sex has always been about both of us.

Good to hear Lulu

Not much point continuing, really? Doesn't the extra lubrication, slower speed and the sight of your husband's excitement help? I've always found second time round more fun for those reasons. In fact I find that giving him an orgasm before penetrative sex is a good start for both. Or do you stop because you feel like you've failed and are turned off?

I've always had a good orgasm rate from penetrative sex, but that's with a willing and considerate partner. Can't imagine getting much out of a situation like yours, either.

That is very true Raven
Second time around is great for all the reasons you say. It can last a-g-e-s-!

I dont orgasm through sex at all, I have to do it myself or go without, and it's not through lack of trying on my partners' part! For a while I beat myself up about it (what's wrong with me?) but now I just realise that I really enjoy myself anyway...maybe not everybody needs to orgasm through sex?

....but like I say, I DO enjoy myself and my partners make an effort, I don't see this as your problem OP. Maybe take the pressure off feeling like you have to orgasm in order to be having good sex, but make sure you are getting good sex! The orgasm may naturally follow for you?

I can orgasm from PIV but I tend to rub myself (you catch my drift...) whilst he's in me. My FWB finds it a huge turn on to look down and see my fingers are busy! If it's doggy style then I tend to orgasm from PIV. Girl on top I orgasm from rubbing my clit against him. A great way to orgasm from PIV is to have sex from behind but whilst laying on your front with a pillow underneath.. So you kind of rub against the pillow? Sorry it that's a bit graphic! Also, it's perfectly normal not to orgasm from PIV!

Also, try using a bullet whilst he's in you?

I thought orgasming from PIV meant without running yourself? Just literally from them thrusting in and out.

I can't. My sex sounds like yours, op.

Rubbing*

I think it does normally mean from just thrusting, I can only do this doggy style (I think it's the g-spot).

i can't from sex. but he only lasts a minute anyway :-( so for both of us, we have to find other ways. It's not just him though.. by my early 20s i'd lost the ability to come from PIV. Several partners since then and it never came back . no matter how 'good' or 'bad' they were.

Dh doesn't "start" until I've "finished".

Easy!