MIL is suffocating me!!!!

[TS123]

MIL lives 5 minutes from my place by car (problem #1!) and she expects to see her little grandson every day or at least every other day. She doesn't give me a day's peace from her phone calls. I have a very hard time with this since my mat leave is coming to an end and I'd really love to enjoy as much time with my DS as I can. As it stands, I bring him over to see her at least twice per week for a couple of hours at a time. Is it really reasonable for her to expect to see him more than this?? How do I tactfully keep her at bay?
(I should add that when I return to work, she will mind him 2 days per week, so she'll "get her chance"!) HELP!!

ooer didnt realise first post had worked!!!

I can totally relate to you. PIL are totally suffocating me. I am so grateful that they watch my daughter but they put their two senses in where they don't belong. I.E. telling me not to stop breastfeeding. They even went to the extreme of cutting out articles to show me how good it is for babies. My husband and I both agreed that she has been breastfed for 5 months and since I commute and hour and half everyday for work it's just too much for me. I have given her 5 months and think I did a great job and ready to switch to formula and my FIL had a fit.

I am so glad that I found this site! I was pulling out my hair....and finally have found women that can FINALLY understand where I am coming from. Bare with me, I have a lot of things bottled up and have lots of stories. So you will see me typing on this subject a lot and nice to know that I can vent.

MY PIL were over non-stop from the time I was in labor! Yes they were there the minute my husband called to tell them my water broke! Are you kidding me?????? And I had a c-section. they were there from the time visiting hours started until they pretty much ended and even stopped over the day we brought her home! There were days the nurse told them I need my rest and they went downstairs to eat and came back up! It was awful. They were over throughout my whole maternity leave! Now they watch her 2 days a week. THEY JUST BUG ME! I remember my MIL telling me when she watched my nephew that my nephew got so attached to her that he didn't even want his own mother! I told my husband that and he said, she didn't mean it in a bad way, she just meant my Sister in law worked a lot. He never sees how evil his mother can be.

I do have a question, every time I have a dr. appt. for my daughter my MIL calls me that same day asks me what did the dr say. And I will try to keep it simple and say it went well. She will then be the QUIZ MASTER and say well......Im sure it went well. What shots did she get, what is her weight, did you ask this and what about this....when's the next appt. she's so nosey! I am happy she is concerned but honestly, she doesn't need to know everything! WTH! I sometimes try to avoid the phone when I get home and if my husband is there I say oh it's your parents calling, answer that, I have to go and change her or I say I have to feed her. I be sure I stay in the nursery until he gets off the phone. ha ha! Just to get a break! Then he can get all the questions and it helps me in not having to talk to her. They just really annoy me. I guess I am not used to having parents like that. My parents have always respected my space and I have siblings with children and they never suffocate any of us. they always call before coming over and stuff. They don't try to compete with trying to be the best grandparents like they do. My husbands family just pops in without calling first and that's hard on a new mom.

hey, i dont have PIL, as my partners is much older so his are long gone, not that he was close anyway.
To the point: we live in my folks basment, for a great rent, we come and go as we please with our own entrance and pop up through the inside doorway and i can go to them with little niggles or just to change of scenery it works really well, i love being intouch and having a nice chat everyday. (here it comes.....)
BUT my mother has bought a moulnex thingy and i just dont get on with it one bit, but i feel bad not using it. it would be different if we lived elsewhere for now i'm hiding the blender, she also offers some leftovers, which as my partner points out, my folks rn't great at hygiene so i'll take the food and dump it later. she gives advice on routine and how much to feed him when how.
but to be honest when i get too stressed out and DH isn't here she is a welcome sight, as ds always smiles at her and makes everything better.

www.motherinlawstories.com/mother-in-law_stories_archive_calendar_2006.htm

go on this site you will loads of advice and sympathy
Can some one do a link to this site because I am thick LOL (oh ps it is really addictive reading )

I just find it really weird that just because a grandmother loves her children "passionately", one can't expect reasonable and normal behaviour from them? It is common courtesy to respect personal space and boundaries. My mother manages it and I know she adores her grandchildren.

TS123, IMHO, I would get a childminder for your son. I just think you're asking for trouble having your MIL look after your son two days a week. She will become even more possessive over him and respect your boundaries even less.

I think she wants him to want her more than you, his mother. I think you have every right to feel cheesed off and there's not a mother out there who wouldn't feel annoyed at someone who was so suffocating and needy. It certainly doesn't sound like balanced behaviour on her part.

I simply don't feel sorry or sympathy for people who try to impose their lives on others no matter how much they love their grandchildren. That is what is happening here. The grandmother has had her children and now it's TS123's time to be able to enjoy her son without having to sneak around, for heaven's sake. Why should she have to worry if she'll be able to spend quality time with her son that day?

Yes, there are grandparents who have zero interest in their grandchildren but that doesn't make the ones who think having granchildren is their opportunity to be parents again right, does it?

I just don't think you have to be quite so grateful to your MIL, TS123. She loves her grandson - that's great. She sees him 2x per week - that's loads. You're doing nothing wrong. But if you let her look after him, I just think the problem is going to get worse.

Let us know how you get on.