Going to be a Bitch

[BrowserBlues]

I am in my early 40's and following a spell of being single for 8 years bringing up DC I went out with someone for a year and a half. During this time we definitely had a lot of good times but they were tainted by the fact that about 3 times after we had a row he went on a bender. He didn't contact me for a week while he licked his wounds. The second time he did it I told him if he ever did it again that I would end the relationship.

He is doing this right now. He rang me and told me I was a bitch and drunkenly spelled out all my faults and hung up. I have no doubt that it is over. I will definitely miss the company as when things were good they were really good fun. I liked his family and friends and he liked mine.

He will ring me on Monday or Tuesday and apologise. I am going to accept his apology and get back with him. I am going to spend the next two weeks getting him to fix some jobs he started in my house and then I am going to tell him that its over. I won't be sleeping with him during the 2 weeks.

I have done an awful lot for him regarding admin for his business and set up some contacts through friends. The reason we argued was because he let down one of the contacts I set up. I was pissed off because I assured them that he was reliable.

I am just posting to tell someone so that I can get if off my chest. I have had a fair bit of crap doled out to me from my EXH and now him. I have always ended up the worst off financially. I am broke and cannot afford to get the jobs he started finished. Once the jobs are done I will pack up everything he owns for collection.

Zippey are you for real? "Paying him in cash or with regular sex"

I hope it turns out ok however tbh I can't see it happening. Don't be suprised if it falls flat on it's face or when he finds out your scheming that he in does the things he's done, which tbf is your own fault.

I'm a bit torn. I can see Worra's point but also get why Browser feels he owes her. It's not something I could do but I don't think doing it means the OP is a terrible person. Yep, I'm firmly on the fence.

I think you're just as bad as him...

I think it shows your true character that you are planning to treat him this way .

I'd do it, don't start something you can't finish

I'm sure many of us would consider doing that but maybe wouldn't admit it, even to ourselves. We all allow relationships to go on longer than they should for different reasons eg holiday booked, social event coming up, somebody is ill, moving jobs and life goes on during that time. Just see it like that!

And if you're anything like me, he will start being mr nice guy, you will
be pleased about the jobs he's done, think he's not that bad really and before you know it you have been plodding along and another six months have passed.

You are right.

You are going to be a bitch.

Still if you can live with yourself and any come-back then that's up to you - we can all choose whether to be a bitch or not.

I'd just get him out of your life ASAP.

Don't let him sneak back in through the back door. He'll be plomásing you and you'll forget to kick him out til the next row+bender........... then you'll be so ground down you won't have the energy.

exactly flossiex2

Tbh, I agree with the consensus. Not because I have any sympathy with this guy, he sounds like a total tool. But because I think you will feel better about yourself and your decision if you just rise above the whole thing. You will also feel much better about everything if you do get the DIY jobs done yourself.

Are we talking a bit of minor plastering, or putting up an extension?

I don't think it's healthy to look back at a failed relationship an tally up what you've done for your partner. You were happy to do these things at the time so it's better to accept the past and move on in a dignified way. I can understand your motivations, he's been an arse at times (did he use you though?), but if you are a decent person deep down you could feel shit about yourself in the future for treating him that way. Also, if he thinks you've used him he may well be very very pissed off which could backfire. Word would get around that you only got back with him to get the work done and you will not be regarded well. I wouldn't.

Yes you're being a bitch, it's a shitty thing to do and you'd feel pretty horrible if someone did that to you.

I hate people who are users. Revolting behaviour OP, no matter how you try to justify it.

Yes to flossie

If you are 100% happy with what you are doing, why do you need to 'get it off your chest"?
Surely if it was something that was no big deal to you, that you felt was right and you felt was in keeping with how you see yourself as a person - you wouldnt feel the need to have this mini confessional. It would just be something you would do that would be of so little importance that you wouldnt feel the need to unburden yourself and share your plans.
Are you actually happy to be doing this and therefore this is gloating that you are going to 'win', or is it that this cynical using of someone (even though he's clearly an arse) is niggling at you because there's a part of you that is uncomfortable about what your plans make you?

Well he is extremely sorry. Just waiting for B&Q to open!

Think about the next 2 weeks- making up with him and persuading him to finish the jobs he's started, (and how do you know he will finish them in that time? It could take him months). You're going to have to lie for that whole time. Can you do that? I personally couldn't and wouldn't want to.

Do it if you like. I might do the same in your position. But there's no getting away from the fact that it would be mean and sneaky.

I agree with the others. I am very much a believer in having my own personal standards and kicking somebody to the kerb who lets me down. I would not see being let down as a reason to let my own standards drop.

Go for it.

Lol @browser how did it go?

Wow.

OP getting your P to finish jobs that he's started before sacking him off hardly makes you bond villain worthy.