is my relationship with my 15 yo son ok/ typical/ normal?

[mrsbrownsgirls]

Not sure where to post this but here goes.

My 15 yo is the eldest of 3. He has always been a quiet boy. V good grades at school. Plenty of friends ( ALL girls - this has always been so)

I Split up with his dad a year ago. Kids go week about between our homes which are half a mile apart.I have an Amicable if strained relationship with XP.

Son rarely communicates with me or his dad. Teenage grunts mostly .
sometimes gives me a quick hug and tells me he loves me.

WOuld spend all day online if I let him.
WHen not online is alone in his room under the covers asking when he can go online again.

NO outside interests, no desire to join any clubs or anything.Does not want to go on holiday .

If I try to engage him in conversation , ask him if anything is concerning him he gets annoyed and says "I'm fine Mum"

Occasionally goes out with friends to cinema. Does not want to do anything at all I suggest. Same with his dad. we are both concerned.
He likes school.

I have a new (lovely) partner who stays over sometimes. Son is polite to him, never conversational. ExP is keen to paint new P as the villain of the piece.

I would appreciate any input from you wise people.
maybe he is a normal 15 yo boy?
Thanks .

I think he sound fine.

Swap 14 for 15 and I have one very similar. Likes being with friends but doesn't make a big effort to be in contact IYKWIM. Prefers online games to people. Has to be strong-armed into enjoying a day out. Does well at school, loved by teachers and joins in when he's there. Roll on the new term!

My son is the same age but often out, park, or like tonight a party. He intends to spend all day in his room but we got back from a long and very hot holiday last night so I said it's ok.
I dunno though. A couple of years ago I couldn't get him to go out ever and was in your position but I kept on and he prob started going out to avoid my nagging.
I also got a new partner last year and though he wouldn't speak to him to start with, he's crazy about him now, but not at all in a father/son capacity, more like mates.
I suppose either is fairly normal, what's he doing online? that would be my concern, I'd want to know what he could do all day.

Oh and in response to the title question, yes your relationship with him is normal!

I work with teenagers and he sounds very similar to many of them. Also my 15 year old brother has just spent the week staying with me and he was the same. All sounds normal to me.

My son is 15 and sounds very similar

He does have a couple of outside interests that aren't very usual for a 15 year old boy... but he has realised they make him quite popular with the girls.

But yes, the online stuff, completely agree. And sometimes I do let him! Also goes to cinema occasionally with friends. Smells a bit. Won't eat anything vaguely healthy. Um...

But school tell me he's a delight; popular, witty, a joy to be around... I do see that side of him, but I mostly get the irritated teenage grunts too.

I believe they come back eventually...

Have a almost 14 year old and add in "Bites your head off if you ask him to do anything" then, yes, that does sound normal :)

Although to tob e fair on, in between Xboxing and watching TV, he does play rugby and cycles competitively but whatever you do, don't suggest that he might do better if he trains more

Similar here. Goes through stages of being lovely and chatty and then goes back to grunting for a week (he's almost 15).

He has a GF now so he's pretty keen to get out at least 2 days a week. It's a start.

Sounds very typical of a teenage boy to me :)

You have just described my 14 year old.
He is aloof, moody, and lazy. He would stay in bed all day only getting up to use the computer if I let him. Obviously I am evil and a pita for making him get up get washed and dressed in the school holidays.

I miss the affectionate little boy I used to have and hope some of that comes back when he is out of this phase.

He does sound ok. My ds is same age and similar

But

He joins in with family life happily
He does chores
He 'plays out' .... Footie with younger siblings
Comes down to eat
He's giggly one minute/grumpy the next
Losing interest in xbox... Gaining interest in online social media
Tries to be man of the house

I think it's unanimous then - normal! My son doesn't have hobbies that he goes out to as such, just playing football at the park. He's obsessed with the guitar though, which is what keeps him in his room.

My 16 year old is similar, as are a lot of others I hear about. I think a large percentage of teenage boys are like this. My three boys are very very different, so it's not down to parenting. I wouldn't worry too much.

The fact he often gives you a hug and says he loves you is great. My little brother never does that with my mum. He's too cool apparently.

He sounds better than normal. He's not gross, he's not in trouble with the law and he tells you he loves you. Quit while you're ahead.

This all sounds familiar and normal. Being the eldest of three he probably values his privacy. Teen grunts sound par for the course, when he is emotionally present he gives you a hug and says he loves you, so not completely aloof! Trying to force a rapport is risky, they can retire and dodge enquiries because they see it as interference.

Too young to work or learn to drive, he is too old to be coaxed into hobbies or pastimes, tbh had today's technology been around when I was that age I wouldn't have left my bedroom either. As it was, I always had my head in a book and until I was 16 'escaped' into the pages.

If it helps I used to wonder if gaming would hamper my DS in coping with living away from home and forming rl friendships but once he'd left home for uni he seemed to adapt just fine.

ExP is keen to paint new P as the villain of the piece.

As you only split up a year ago I don't see how ex can heap blame on your new dp. His feelings regarding you forming a new relationship do not automatically determine how the DCs react.

Sounds familiar, my version is currently sprawled on the sofa so he does at least grace us with his grumpy arsed presence occasionally! He's nearly 14.

wow, thank you one and all!!
I am very reassured.
I thought it was less of a problem than XP does .

Do you limit screen time? If so, how much?

Thanks again. fab response !

This thread is almost identical to what i wouldve written.I was on the verge of taking my 15 1/2 YR son to the docs.I would like to limit screen time but mr angry doesnt agree.our son is polite and does well at school.We havent had family days out this yr but he has only been to the cinema with friends twice.The rest of the time is x box!!As i said when i mention it DH goes off on one.
DS does chores as requested and is cheerful and polite i was very worried about his staying alone in his room when our DD goes to gigs,sleepovers out with friends in fact she hates to stay in.
I feel alot better now as he has told me he doesnt get nervous to go out just cant be arsed as he puts it.

Yes we have limited screen time ever since they were little - now they get up later it is off at 10.30/11.00 and not back on till 4 ish then off at 8 or 9. Which gives them too much, IMO, but it runs along with everyone accepting up, so that's ok.

To be honest, you could be describing me, and I'm pushing 40! He may just find all the social interaction at school etc a bit hard work, and needs to decompress in his own way.. I love it when my DP is on lates because I don't have to physically speak to anyone for a few hours in the evening. I have a pretty full on time in an office full of extroverts when I'm in the office, and my happy place is just me, the tv, and the internet, where I can choose when / how I interact (and I don't have to open my mouth!).
Don't get me wrong, I love my funny little family, but gosh, I need my space at times

I have a similar 14 yo girl! She has one (expensive) sport she likes but only gets the chance once a week at the most nowadays, and one sport she doesn't much like but we insist she has to for fitness/exercise and sociability. She has school friends who she shops with occasionally and gets on well at school. Very quiet.

I don't limit screen time unless chores need to be done or she is unable to get up and ready in time (she can take ages, but no problems catching early bus to school.)

I don't know what the answer is, think she is just a quiet, academic type. She will talk if there is something to talk about and really cheers up around her friends.

Am trying to get her to be a bit more proactive - tonight she is cooking our fishfingers, veg and chips, from finding them in freezer (checking freezer is closed) and reading packets to timing it all herself. All going well so far.

That sounds just like my 14yo ds

Hi
Just wanted to say that my ds is like yours but he became increasingly withdrawn from the family. Initially, I thought it was just teenage behaviour and then I thought exam stress. One day I pushed a little more about the fact they seemed more and more withdrawn and all the worries and angst poured out.
I am sure your ds is fine but keep asking just in case it may be a little bit more.

Blimey, he hugs you and tells you he loves you?? You're doing WELL there, girl

Though I suppose my boys did the same at his age, just not very often. As we know (ahem) online is very seductive/addictive and it's no wonder yp get hopelessly trapped in it. One of my boys actually asked me to stop his screen time because he was entirely unable to do it himself: recognised he was powerless (! First step if 12-step programme).

But I agree that at this age they're usually besieged with fears, worries and insecurities; assume they're the only one who feels like this in their peer group and are therefore lame. They so are not lame: being 15 is no picnic.

Make a fuss of him, not OTT but little things, show that you notice him, leave little presents/treats for him now and again. My boys also responded well to one2one time together eg something small, a coffee in a cafe somewhere there was no danger we'd see any of their friends . Don't whatever you do try to get him to talk - ime boys talk if you're doing something together that is the main focus eg making something. Have you taught him to cook? Simple meals, obvs.