Am I been an irrational needy drama queen?!

[Sunset89]

Posted on here recently about a guy I had been briefly seeing, been on a few dates and it seemed like we both had a connection. However he's got a job in London 4 hours away from me.... From the start I always said it wouldn't be a good idea and he convinced me to 'see what happens' basically saying it would be stupid not to give it a go..... He also kept saying how he would 'prove' it to me how he wouldn't just forget me because he's living away etc etc

Blaaaa he's been there 2 weeks and we have still spoken via instant message every day (brief convos)
since the day we met however I feel like his behaviour is causing me to go insane and I don't know if I'm just been overly needy because I've been hurt a lot in the past or whether I'm been rationale!

• doesn't ring me anymore- I've rang him twice and he never rang back
• still messages me first if I don't message him but then sometimes gives quite closed responses with no questions

-takes longer than usual to reply (I guess that's understandable) -hasn't arranged when he's coming back home (his family live near me) again maybe understandable

I get the fact he will be extremely busy as he has a new job and new place to live etc - he messaged me today saying 'I'm hungover come give me a cuddle all day' then I responded he responded and I sent him another message and he hasn't replied! Again he could be busy but I've seen he was online on whatsapp and he's been active on instragram since liking peoples photos! He still hasn't replied 7 hours later...

Should I give him a chance and see how it goes in a few weeks when he settles in or just cut him off now before it ends in a disaster?

I know I sound like a whiney teenager right now I can't work out if I am been a drama queen or not!!!

Helppppp a moanie needyyy girl out please :)

Thank you so much!!!!

P.s we are both 24 (not 16 believe it or not haha)

Interested in male response.

I am actually the sort of person who is quite "short" in texts. One word responses (even to those I might be interested in!), no response for several days, etc. Difference is I would be in there arranging a date as to when I could see someone next. I might be shit between dates communication wise (busy, forgetful, etc) but I would be keen and make it clear I was keen to see someone. Is he keen to make arrangements?

I also wouldn't be texting about cuddling and such. Seems strange to not reply much and then for your replies to be about physical intimacy. It does reek of going in for some "raunchier" chat when he's a bit lonely/bored. It's not necessarily the case, but the OP will probably have a gut instinct on whether that's a possibility.

I've chosen to ignore mainly due to the fact I know from the past he's not simply a 'bad texter' he's been very chatty in the past and used to ring me- the change in behavior is a big red flag for me!

I also find the full stops at the end of each sentence quite blunt- again something that he never has done before, I find them to be quite short and not very reflective of someone who wants to continue a conversation!!!!

In the past he's made comments how I should visit London and kept saying he would be back and forth- but tbh when he's mentioned coming back all he's said was he's going to a festival the week he had planned to come home and that's all that's been mentioned!

I don't think it's looking brilliant now tbh! Feel a bit rubbish how he's suddenly lost interest but I guess these things happen!! :(

He has never got overly sexual with me, but who knows maybe it could be!!!

'bunny boiler'... horrible sexist name to call anyone

It doesn't get any easier with age, this texting business. It's been a curse for my relationship, my dp and I only live 5 miles away from each other, meet three nights a week, the other nights we communicate by text. It's caused trouble quite often, tone of voice doesn't come across in a text, my dp's taken what I've texted in the wrong context many times, and vice versa - I have to go into over-drive with the "lols" (Lol !!!)

Bunnyboiler is a vile name to call someone. Agree with Ellen there.

Ah the "lol" to make your texts come across in a non blunt way. Grrr I do hate they way we unicate in such impersonal ways nowadays (I'm guilty of it too).

Sunset If his behavious has changed could this possibly be down to the fact he's recently moved/relocated/new job and all the stress that brings?

Don't look for things that may not be there. I'm not telling you to stick with the relationship no matter what, just don't let it consume you, I don't think he should be accused of doing anything untoward etc (not that you have said he is) but If you are not happy with the situation then end it, don't tear yourself up hoping for more.

Complete tangent, but how did he used to end his sentences if not with a full stop?

Sunset... It's your relationship to sort out. Your last post seemed pretty resigned to me. I think that's because you've already gone through the gamut of emotions, hopes, scenarios and how they could play out... and you've come to the conclusion that whatever this is, it's not making you happy.

Nothing is diverting your attention from the fact that he doesn't ring you, has changed his plans to return from London and has very much time on his hands to social network with people. There are just no excuses for his behaviour towards you, none at all.

Don't ignore your gut feelings, they are always accurate and decide for yourself how acceptable/satisfactory this arrangement is for you.

I think you're trying to find excuses for this guy's behaviour.

I used to waste time with men like that. Trust me, if someone is genuinely into you, you will know and there is no second guessing. Even with his new job. I just started a busy new job, I can still text people. Do yourself a favour and bin him.

Seconding what Fmlgirl says. I used to hang in there, hoping that he'd "come round" and thinking he was playing hard to get. Or maybe he's busy. Or shy. The fact is, if he wanted to see you, he would. Please don't waste your time with these men. Did someone recommend Why Men Love/Marry Bitches earlier in the thread? You must read it. Good luck.

I also agree with fmlgirl. The emotions I wasted in my youth giving these relationships a chance, thinking things would get better if I chilled out and gave them time. You know what, they never got better; if someone's really keen they'll show it. No excuses. I do think it's telling that his communication style has cooled, so personally I wouldn't waste any more time on him.

My favourite MN saying...love is like a fart, if you have to force it it's probably shit. Good relationships are not hard, and they do not make you anxious.

As a guy, I'd echo Nick's posts in not reading too much into slow responses, short sentences and whatnot. If he's messaging you first, that's a positive sign.

You're obviously entitled to raise the issue of contact if you feel the distance is impacting your relationship but I don't see how he's trying to end it or mess around with you or anything like that.

I worked away from home for about 5 years and it does change your relationship and the way you communicate. Things you'd normally see together and make small talk about don't necessarily translate as well to text. I found we got on better though when we started using gchat as opposed to SMS as it was easier just to hold open a session in work and post the odd pic and whatnot which allowed things to become a bit more spontaneous. She also knew though we could be mid-chat and then I'd get called away immediately and not respond for an hour or so. She started doing this too and I completely understood (I was used to it with work colleagues anyway), things come up. Don't worry about it.

If you want more dedicated time to talk you should just tell him. That's OK, you're entitled to demand whatever level of contact you need for your relationship. If he's not prepared to give that, then you can decide whether you need to find someone who can give you the attention you require. Don't beat yourself up though imagining he wants out or doesn't care about you that much because he's slow responding or is not being expressive in his texts as you'd expect, it's just too much of an assumption.

I hope things work out for you, whatever you decide.

His silence is your answer.

Yes forget him and move on - LDR only usually work if the partnership is established before the separation - you've only seen each other briefly.

Chalk it up to 'wasn't meant to be' and find someone else.

Look I know I'm an old gimmer but why do people text or IM when they could just talk to each other?

your initial gut feeling was it wouldn't work. now your gut feeling is he isn't interested any more.

you have to listen to your instincts. they are seldom wrong.

if i were you i wouldn't respond any more. just draw a line and start going out and having fun. you gave it a good shot and it didn't work. things are supposed to be good at this point. this isn't going anywhere.

Thank you for all your brilliant advice :)

Interesting to see there is two sides to this!

Quick Update :After those three blunt sentences, i responded a short, friendly but bluntish message back, he responded again asking no questions (hows your day, how are you etc would have been nice) again i did the same and eventually he asked me a question and it was actally like how we used to speak, with him being a bit flirty. We didnt say goodnight to each other like we usually would have done, but it was pretty late so i wasn't overly bothered. he also made a joke about him getting a new massive bed and how i should test it out to see whose is comfier out of mine and his........ (not sure what to think of that.....) I did think to myself, if you can't be bothered giving me a call, there is no way i am going to make the effort to go to London!

Yesterday was the first full day we hadn't spoken since the day we met (spoken every day for 6 weeks..) and i haven't heard from him today either. I have decided to delete his number and if he does text me i will message back, but i am not going to go out my way- i am sure if he is interested i will find out! beginning to think its crashiiiing and burning though!

i've began to get over the whole thing though tbh as i dont feel that bothered anymore about receiving a message off him or even speaking to him, think ive lost the drive now to keep it going!!! It's hard to stay enthuiastic about a guy when you don't know when you will next see them or even hear from them!!

Also to the guys that think he could still be interested- Do you think he would have arranged to see me again though or even called me if he was? i think thats why my faith has been lost!!

p.s i read a fantastic article, would be really interesting to hear what you guys think about it, in particular the guys that think he still could still be interested/aren't very good with their phones...

i will post the link below!

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/raising-your-dating-standards-why-you-shouldnt-be-ok-with-lazy-communication-via-text-email-etc/