A few of you might remember me posting a few months ago about leaving my partner in the night after he tore the house apart looking for a bag of weed. Since then DD (8 months) and I have been staying with my parents until we moved into our own house at the start of this month. I did manage to stay strong in that I followed through on my plan to get my own place. DD and I have been much happier on our own. The problems came when I convinced myself the relationship could be fixed if we took it slow and worked on things. I also blamed myself for everything that went wrong when in truth he was emotionally, and at times physically, abusive and also controlling. I had stayed over with him at our old flat a few times and since I moved in here he stayed twice including last night. Each time we spent time together we ended up arguing but I tried to ignore this and took the blame for everything. Last night we had a drink together while DD was in bed. We argued and things got completely out of hand. He tried to leave taking my mobile phone (only means of contact I have) which is something he often uses as a form of control. When I tried to take my phone from him he was kicking and punching me, spat in my face, called me names, kicked me to the ground and left me there winded and crying. He left when 2 of my friends were on their way round at about 4am. He came back after they left because he couldn't get home. I was exhausted so just let him sleep in another room. This morning I was a mess, crying and apologising, begging him to make up with me. I'm bruised and aching all over. I just feel emotionally drained. I didn't feel I could phone the police at any point (have done twice in the past) because he threatened to make up lies. I also felt horribly guilty the other times I called even though I was right to do it. I know I've let this happen time and time again but I'm just looking for some hand holding from people who might understand why I keep getting pulled back in. I'm so so sad and have spent most of the day crying. I'm going to contact Women's Aid tomorrow. They gave me immediate support when I left a few months ago but I didn't follow it up, thought I could deal with it on my own.
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Relationships
Feeling fragile - ex partner violent last night
52 replies
SuperLoveFuzz · 17/08/2014 20:56
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