Midnight Handholding needed - DH has just told me about affair

[SeaMeadows]

Title says it all, really.

DH has just told me he's been having an affair with a colleague.

Can't sleep, need a bit of handholding from you ladies who have once again been proved right.

Holding hands, lovely.

You are not a fool at all - these things wouldn't keep happening if we could see the signs early on.

I like the Santiago plan.

another hand...
did he just come out with it or did u have suspicions leading up to a show down?

Thank you xx

Will try and sleep now and be fresh for the morning

Hand holding. Hope you sleep xx

Adara is right, btw. I was in a similar Dark Night Of The Soul situation once while staying with a friend, and I think waking her up honestly saved me from doing something stupid. I'd have wanted her to wake me in the same situation, and if you're not usually given to drama, I reckon you are allowed a free pass. Some sugary tea and twenty minutes sat in the kitchen with a true friend is worth a price beyond rubies.

Hand holding here too

Hope you're asleep now, wake up fresh and see what tomorrow brings

Xxx

The Camino is a dream of mine too seameadow.

I hoped you get some sleep and awake renewed to deal with the utter shit of a dh that yours has morphed into. Its so weak of him. Such a shame

.

Hand to hold.

Hope you get some sleep in the bag op. for you at his behaviour. It's early days right now so immediate thoughts and feelings about what to do might change I guess. If you want a message of hope seven years on from this exact same situation I'm married with a lovely dd and so much happier for it what with all the experiences I had in the years following. Dark times ahead perhaps but you can deal with it and make things good for yourself and we're always around for a natter. Best try and get some sleep myself now.

Sorry it's happened like this. I live in the southern hemisphere. So, it's the middle of Sunday afternoon here.

Thanks very much to all for getting me through the night. Xx

I think I may be seeing a lot of this board in the days and months to come.

What an utter arsehole.

An axe is rather a good way of splitting the sofa, bed, dining room table etc.

Sorry this is happening to you.

Hope you managed some sleep.

Hand hold and

Am also in the Southern Hemisphere so often around in the middle of the night. Hope you managed some rest if not sleep and that you have enough energy to face the day.

Walking to Santiago de la Compostela sounds amazing.

Sometimes getting rid of your share of your joint 'stuff' is very therapeutic so you have a new beginning.

When you are walking to Santiago you will be thankful for your new life without that cheating arsehole.

I hope you slept well. I know you are in shock but this is the first day of your great new life.

Im from the other thread. Didnt see why you was there hope your ok

Handholds

Such a cliché, but today is the first day of the rest of your life. Don't be too hasty, take time to think and plan. Would you want to live in a bedsit? Could you flat/house share with a friend maybe?

He may be so anxious to go to the OW that he will leave you with a lot of the joint "stuff", which you might be able to store while you are walking to Santiago.

You will be in shock but one thing to do if it is truly over is to secure finances. Make sure he can't leave you skint. The most seemingly reasonable guys can become utterly ruthless when they find the 'loves of their lives' and cheat on their partners.

So sorry. Glad you have been able to go to a friend.

Sorry you're going through this.
He's told me because he wants to leave me. Or probably wants to leave me.
So he gets to make all the decisions about whether to stay or leave? I think not!
You must be knocked for six at the moment, but rally your friends' support and fight to get back some control.
He's acted like a shit, don't let him force you from your home.
Contact a solicitor on Monday to see what your options are.
Take care of yourself.

Hiya sorry from me too. Hope you got thro the night ok.
And if you decide to go traveling, then let me say...
I had a big house and mortgage, full of furniture, wrong career in London type thing doing on.....
Left the man, he bought me out, furniture in storage, notice at work and the the rough guide to your first trip around the world.
Life changing.
Divorce in the middle, bluergh. But if it's wrong then it's wrong and a trip round the world is a trip of a lifetime. X

Sorry you're going through this.

When I left my EA husband I rented a room, I found it was great because it helped me adjust to emotional life on my own without having to come back to an empty house and feel physically lonely.
Glad you have RL support too x

Sorry to hear this OP.....can't add much as it's all been said but Furniture and 'stuff' can be sold or put in storage.
Let the shock abate then decide what you want to do.

So sorry OP.

Do you own your home with him? If so do make sure you get legal advice and don't just fit in with whatever he is decreeing will happen next.

I know it hurts, but better to find out now than waste even more time with this cheater.

You do not say how old you are, but I hope you are able to go on and have a loving relationship/DC/a whole heap of fun with someone who actually deserves you and has honourable values.

OP... I feel for you. These cheats don't realise the devastation their actions can cause to other people's lives. They are utterly selfish.
Stay strong and get some good legal advice asap. In fact I would say that's really important. Don't let the bastard and his bit of stuff push you out of your home.
Sounds like they possibly, have been planning things behind your back for a long time.
It's what they do.

OP... I feel for you. These cheats don't realise the devastation their actions can cause to other people's lives. They are utterly selfish.
Stay strong and get some good legal advice asap. In fact I would say that's really important. Don't let the bastard and his bit of stuff push you out of your home.
Sounds like they possibly, have been planning things behind your back for a long time.
It's what they do.

You poor darling - it's just horrible when it happens. So glad you're getting loads of support here, and with your friend. Please note what hoboken said above - don't decide anything in a hurry, especially regarding who gets what. I know it's probably the last thing on your mind right now, but do make sure you're not shafted financially by him.

It happened to me, many years ago. Once I made the break, I never looked back and my life changed immeasurably for the better. Your dream of travel sounds wonderful, but don't be in too much of a rush - please see a solicitor and make sure you're not screwed over by him in a financial or property sense.

Thank you, all.

The axe suggestion made me laugh - I was just saying to my friend that I wish I'd gone at the flat-screen TV with an axe. You don't get enough chances to be a mad axe-wielding maniac in life.

I'm going to take it slow, see how things go, not make any hasty decisions. Friends have been incredibly kind and supportive.

My mum always brought me up to have my own 'mad money' (after her best friend was cheated on by her husband), so now it's coming into its own.