Yesterday I was out all day at my mums as I'm due a baby in 4 weeks time and I was organising all my baby stuff from when dd was born 2 years ago. Basket, car seat etc. I stayed at mums til it was DD's bedtime and she fell asleep in the car and I got her out, upstairs and into bed. All sound asleep. DH was home and I had been all evening. He knew we were on our way but he decided that the exact moment I put her into her cot was the same moment he NEEDED to put a large pile of clean clothes into her room and, of course, he had to put them on top of a carrier bag. Therefore... He woke her up. Now she's seen daddy and refuses to go back to sleep. I tried to resettle, did a bit if controlled crying as were having sleep issues anyway, but ultimately after an hour she wasn't sleeping and he was getting grumpy and angry and nasty so I got her up. He then starts on me that I'm inconsistent - he's pissed off that I wouldn't let him get straight away - and he starts shouting and swearing at me in front of her when I was keeping my voice low steady and calm. She bursts into tears and he blames me.
He slept on the sofa. This morning he isn't speaking to me. Is clearly fuming. His eyes are like a thunder storm. Clenched jaw. Stomping around refusing eye contact etc.
We were supposed to start potty training today. Everything was set up as we had a plan etc.
He then randomly, without any communication gets her dresses and takes her out to Tesco. In the past when I've tried to get him to take her he always says no and has some excuse so this was done to annoy me and to scupper my potty training plans. He gets angry when I mention the PT and snaps that I can just do it after lunch.
They come back from Tesco and he puts her to nap without saying happy nap time to me. Again may seem petty but it's done to hurt me.
I then broach him about something else - he have her an orange and her top is covered in it and he never soaks them or anything. Just leaves them and it bothers me greatly cos I am the one that ends up scrubbing clothes cos he's too lately to put it on a bowl of water - and he flips out. He's screaming at me so I tell him to get out. He refuses and starts yelling and pointing about all sorts of stuff. I defend myself and feel off the happenings of the last 16 hours and ask him if he thinks that his behaviour is acceptable and why is it all my fault?? He ignores me. I ask him 3 times 'r u just going to ignore me then?' And after that I say, fine get out but stay out' and he then decides he's going to shower and take ages etc.
This is my stupid bit- I decide he's not and that if he is going to treat me so rudely and abusively then he can literally get out and I refuse to let him shower.
Were in the hallway and he is right in my face screaming and spitting and waving 2 fingers at me 'fuck you fuck you fuck you your a fucking bitch'.
He walked off to the living room and I went to the bedroom. I'm crying cos I'm angry. I'm 38 weeks pregnant.
And I sit here thinking 'I don't love him anymore'
After 20 mins he comes to apologise - sounds good but he almost never apologises. He always maintains that he is the innocent victim and I'm the one who is at wrong and I force him to do/say things so he has nothing to apologise for. I think he sees that I'm getting stronger and distant. As in the past I would have backed down instantly and just tried to get past it. But now I get angry and defensive. I won't be bullied.
I told him to go away that I had no interest in listening to him justify his behaviour. He stood there and started going 'oh right. So I'm a grown up and come to say sorry and u...' I didn't hear the rest cos I said 'real grown up screaming fuck you in your pregnant wife's face outside your sleeping daughters room....' And just repeated 'go away' til he did.
I don't even know what I'm asking. I don't like him. I don't think I love him anymore. He made my daughter cry last night cos he was so angry and aggressive and she picked up on it. He's made me cry today. He has no respect for me. He will twist it so this is all my fault. I know he will as that is just what he does.
I think I'm with him cos I'm scared of being alone with a toddler and a new born. And cos of finances. I don't know how I'll cope alone but it will still be better won't it?
I have tried so hard with him. I called the police 6 months ago as he pushed me during an argument and then broke stuff in the flat. My dd wasn't here. So this isn't the first time.
He's said awful said time in the past and is emotionally manipulative and abusive. I'm not an angel but I am not as nasty. I tend to hold my tongue from saying nasty things just to hurt but I do get sarcastic which just fuels things I know.
I just don't know how to end it. He had no where to go. He is here on visas and has no access to public funding and I feel guilty kicking him out and putting his visas at risk, not for him but for our children. If his visas are revoked then he will be sent back to his country and they won't see him. And that pisses me off cos I think that's not my responsibility.