Men that hit women, do they ever change?

[Noneedtoworryatall]

Can it happen?

Maybe you could buy "Why does he do that" and possibly "Should I stay or should I go" by Lundy Bancroft. I have read parts of these books and they'll help you see what is happening!

I'm sorry, I can see that Oscarandelliesmum has already mentioned the book "Why Does He Do That?" It's full of real life transcripts from conversations with people on both sides of emotional and physical abuse. There's a lot in this book, but it is categorised by chapter so you can find what you are looking for.

Of course your head is all over the place. That is precisly what their behaviour is intended to elicit. You not knowing which end is up and constantly walking on eggshells means you are totally at their mercy.

If you can't consider staying where you are mentally, think about preserving your physical safety. One false move and you're in danger of being attacked again. I'd rather sleep on a park bench.

Well then don't have too many conversations with yourself.
Contact Womens Aid and get some advice from them.
They have a tonne of experience and can help you with legal stuff, an exit plan etc....

You alreay know 'nothing is ever good enough'

1st - Womens Aid
2nd - CAB
3rd - CSA

Probably not, but my stepdad once hit my mother and I do think it was her fault. He is not been violent towards her before or since. She used to get terrible PMT, she was rowing with him and picked up a rolled up bunch of £20 notes and tried to forced it down the back of his throat, all very scary really. He punched her in the face, which I know he felt terrible about and I think it was a reaction to having something pushed into his throat. This was about 20 years ago and nothing happened since. However I wouldn't stick around if somebody was hitting you.

That said I once punched my mother too, she used to beat me a lot (when I was younger) once I hit her back, she cried and I felt like shit, she hasn't hit me again nor me her, in fact we have a good relastionship these days.

You think it was her fault he punched her in the face?! Regardless of what she was doing, which I don't condone, there must have been other options than punching her in the face!

Yes! Growing up my mom was a violent bully, it's not the first time she physically attacked him or me, infact I used to go to school with black eyes from her, people react in the heat of the moment. I'm sorry but not all men are violent and all women are victims, sometimes it is the other way around. My Mom is great now, but she was definitely a product of her hormones.

When someone beats you constantly, you can snap and I talk from somebody who has snapped to being beat.

PS I was answering the original question of can men just hit once and never again, I just wanted to share the story I know of.

Well, of course they can, but the vast majority choose not to.

IF they can accept that they were in the wrong and IF they want to change, they can.

I th

Stupid phone...

I think the majority feel they were driven to it (not their fault) and want the victim to change to stop the trigger. If they can't take responsibility there's no chance.

I personally can't say I'd stick around to see if they could. It'd be a long road and I wouldn't fancy the beatings on the road to redemption.

Bearing in mind that the next punch could be the one that kills you and leave your children motherless, staying to find out is a risky, foolhardy and wholly un necessary route to take ( two women a week ...)

They don't deserve for anyone to stick around and see if they do.

You don't even need to ask the question. It's one of the things that you DON'T get a second chance for. It's definitely one of the things you don't need to stre-e-etch your empathy for.

Yes they can change with lots of anger management support, counselling, etc.
The problem is most men don't see that they are doing anything wrong, they blame their oh.
They have to see how awful their behaviour is and want to change, I know not many do change, but it is wrong and ill informed to say they can never change.

Men that hit women never change. Women that hit men will never change.

A person that is violent by nature will never change.

No different than having a dog that bites. You can train it as much as you like but you will always just be waiting for it to attack again. There is also always the risk that the next time it attacks it will kill.

morethanpotatoprints

The only time I have seen what you suggest was with a couple that would fly at each other. They did finally split and go on to what seems to be health relationships with other people. I would suggest that this is not the norm but a rare case.

Moving the goal posts is part of the routine of keeping you afraid and under their control. You won't get clarity from within the relationship, ever, because they don't want you to have the power that clarity gives you.

Call Women's Aid, get away from him and read the books suggested up thread. WA do a Freedom programme, speak to them about doing that.

Then stay away from him. Too many women go back and it never gets better.

No.

No.

No.

No......

From prof experience (defended crims for 7 years, specialised in serious violence):

Sadly, no.

You hear of the odd one who loses a lot because of something done, and then takes steps to rewire the brain (eg CBT) but I never saw one of those myself.