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Original poster

I hate sex

86 replies

Penguin2 · 04/04/2004 17:01

Am I the only one to feel this way? I hate sex. I endured it while we were making our family but now that it is complete, I just don't want sex (though i still like to be with my husband) Does it mean I am with the wrong man?

OP posts:
Original poster
Penguin2 · 23/05/2004 21:16

Sorry, just read your post about your fantasies. I missed it the first time round. I must be feeling rather frisky ( well, I did do "it" last night!) but I have an insane desire to know what other poeple think about when they are having sex. I am NOT asking you to tell me, but have you ever come across books by Nancy Friday? I have one, "Forbidden Flowers" it is called, and it is made up of women's sexual fantasies. Most of them are gross but some are an incredible turn on. Sorry to get down to the level of the gutter, but this is the only sordid book I own and I have to say, it has helped me out on more than one occasion.

OP posts:
tammybear · 23/05/2004 21:22

If I could remember what I use to think whilst having sex penguin2, Id tell you. But its 2 years next month since I last did but if I do remember rightly, it was probably something like

"OH MY GOD GET OFF ME YOU GIT!!!"

lol i feel like a born again virgin

Original poster
Penguin2 · 23/05/2004 21:27

Might that explain the two year gap?!
Don't despair. Last night was my first time for two years and I still feel a bit fizzy so who knows for tonight?

OP posts:
tammybear · 23/05/2004 21:29

Lol yea it could do penguin2, but that was with my ex. Dp's coming tuesday, so Im hoping to get lucky then

Branster · 23/05/2004 21:55

No, I haven't read the book you mention, haven't even heard of the author. I might look it up at library, although by the sounds of it my dh would be shocked if he finds me reading it
I never thought about other women's fantasies, but since you brought it up now I’ll start to wonder. I’m quite self absorbed when it comes to my own sexuality. I’ve always been very discreet and although I’ve never been promiscuous in my past adventures, nobody in this world knows what I’ve been up to – and I imagine that’s the case with most people. Nothing strange by any means, but people would be surprised to know about my past experiences, purely because I never let it be known whom I was seeing. I’m not exactly what you'd call a settle down kind of woman (in fact most of my friends and relatives were surprised when I settled for dh and eventually had dd) because I’m very outgoing and befriend lots of people and used to flirt a lot but I love being in a stable relationship and be the little wife really. So I’ve always kept everything to myself and indulged in it truth be known and was never interested in other people's ‘sex world’ if you like as I thought mine to be so special. But, like you I don't have any kinky ideas in my head. Did you want specifics? tbh, some of my scenarios are often half finished, don't know why but it's nice to think of them when doing other things.

Branster · 23/05/2004 22:00

sorry, missread your post, you were wondering about what other people think whilst tehy are having sex. Myself, I think of the job in hand (no pun intended) and it never happened to me so far to think about something else (i.e. house work, other men). So I did wonder in the past if 'women think of 1000 other things during sex' was a mith.

Original poster
Penguin2 · 24/05/2004 10:44

Yes I agree, when actually having sex, I think it is fair to say I only think about the sensations happening to me and rarely fantasise (maybe just a one line thought goes through my head as an extra boost when dh isn't quite doing it for me). I was thinking more about in everyday life like right now: kids are at school, dh is at work, I am at home with nothing really to occupy my mind and sometimes I become completely absorbed in a fantasy - just mentally, I mean - so that it can take up my whole day. I am not sure if other people are the same or whether that is healthy.

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Branster · 24/05/2004 22:29

you're only thinking about it so much because, as you say, there's something to think about and really it's nicer than thinking about all the thousand things you have to do around the house -unless you're one of the ladies who does lunch in town with friends everyday, i assume you've got lots to get on with at home i couldn't say if it's healthy or not, but obviously you're in control of the situation since you do question your actions. you're not living in a fantasy world of your own. the way i can realte to this is based on a past event (mentioned on the other thread) when i was v attracted to somebody else. it was reciprocal, which made me feel good. i did have to stop going any further because i did realise it would have been a stupid thing to do. during a very short period of time (about 2 weeks until it all had to stop and we didn't actually do anything as such) i did find myself thinking a lot about this person: whilst doing housework -ironing was the worst of all -, before going to sleep, when waking up, when cooking etc etc. after that i just educated myself to stop thinking about this and it did work. what i wanted to point out though is that in that period of time i did observe the times i wasn't thinking about it and they were when i was looking after dd (i.e. bath time, meal times, play times, reading to her and so on), when i/we had guests over (anyone: relatives, friends, neighbours), when i was close to dh, and the best of all when i was out of the house for any reason or lenght of time. i don't think it was necccesarly that i had nothing to occupy my mind with (found myself interrupting my own reading or whilst watching a film, or doing a crossword or any artistic or mental activity, my mind would still wonder off). on one hand i enjoyed the fantasies, on the other i was worried they were taking so much of my time. i'm gald i'm not doing that anymore. but this is a very specific and different situation to what you describe, it was more dangerous whereas in your case it's some sort of entertainment, i don't think it would harm you because you seem to be in control. and you're not exactly sitting on your bottom daydreaming, you're just having thoughts going through your mind whilst doing other productive things. i hope i'm right in my assumptions but i'm sorry i can't give a good suggestion or answer. by the way, do you dream a lot (when asleep i mean)?

Original poster
Penguin2 · 26/05/2004 12:02

No! Perhaps I am making up for it when awake!
The occasional dreams I have tend to relate to work (which I gave up eight years ago) and I am always glad to wake up from them.
BTW I have just posted on the other thread - nothing useful, just a sexist quote from ds1 which I love to repeat. Might interest you?

OP posts:
Branster · 27/05/2004 13:30

all in all you seem to be doing well really. good you've given up work if you didn't like it there. lol at your comment on dreams. i shouldn't think you fantasise more than most people. i imagine everyone daydreams about various things (i.e. a new house, a new car, looking better, taht sort tactile things, yours just happens to be of a different kind). i'll have a look on the other thread now

littleweed · 28/05/2004 12:53

if i fantasisised tat would be a start but i don't even do that! not much lack of imagination there then!!!

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